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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Babys grandparents

12 replies

cactus123 · 17/05/2014 09:41

Hi, sorry if this is long winded...

Me and my boyfriend have a baby due in November. We live at his parents house still as I am at uni with a part time job (finishing uni next month) and he doesn't earn enough to have anywhere near enough money to move out as he's on minimum wage. I really get on with his parents, however since living with them I'm finding it pretty difficult... They are quite 'traditional' christians and they're quite homophobic, and his dad is quite racist. I've been brought up in a family that taught me to treat everybody equally and have respect for them whether they're gay/straight/black/white/fat/thin etc etc.

Whenever the comments regarding these issues are made, I tend to bite my tongue and ignore it, but last night he made a very homophobic comment and I walked out and left - I went over to my dads house and had a huge cry and rant to him. The homophobic comments really are something that I can't stand as it's a subject that's very close to my heart - my brother came out as gay a few years ago to us. He found it very very difficult and has suffered a lot of anxiety and depression due to it, and only a few weeks ago did he get the courage to tell my grandparents! I find it all very sad because of course we are his family and will support him with through everything. But now I understand why he has had so many issues relating to it - because of the ignorant people around like this!

Anyway, I had to come back last night as I left everything here. My boyfriend said he had spoken to them and said they can't just make comments like that and they need to think about what they say etc. But he still said they're entitles to their opinion, which of course they are but not if it is f ignorant, uneducated and highly offensive!!
I said that I didn't want to live there anymore and would rather either move back to my dads or scrape the money together somehow to find somewhere cheap to rent. He had a huge strop and started saying how I didn't love him because if I did I'd put up with this 'small' issue and it'd be fine. I don't find the fact that I don't feel comfortable living here and don't want my baby to be brought up around such behaviour a 'small issue'!
It's not just this that makes me want to move out, but loads of other things too. We don't get any privacy at all - they just burst into the room all the time without knocking etc.

I really don't know what to do, and any advice would be appreciated :( I might be being ridiculous so please give me a slap if I am!

The whole thing has just really upset me...

OP posts:
Trooperslane · 17/05/2014 09:49

You're not being ott. They sound horrible and I wouldn't want any child of mine brought up around attitudes like that either.

How very 'Christian' of them Confused

I think you should find somewhere else to live. I'd be worried about your DP trying to normalise it, but suspect he's just trying to defend his parents to stop him feeling mortified.

Congrats on the wee one cooking btw.

SicknSpan · 17/05/2014 09:53

I couldn't live there either Cactus. What a difficult situation. It's going to be hard to remove yourself from that environment without causing offence I guess, but the offence they've caused you is awful and I'm sure they don't give two hoots that their nasty opinions have such impact.

All that aside, what does your boyfriend think of their opinions? Does he agree with them? That would be more concerning I think.

cactus123 · 17/05/2014 10:05

Thank you for the very quick replies, it's very reassuring to know that I'm not being utterly ridiculous!

He doesn't agree with them at all, and says that it hasn't affected him being brought up around that, however I literally do not want my child to be any where near behaviour like it! Even though he's not racist or homophobic, I still think it has affected him to some extent due to the fact he said they're entitled to their own opinions, which I just don't agree with if they're going to offend a vast number of people.

He thinks that the fact that I want to move means that I want to leave him there and not live with him, when that is not the case at all! I'm going to speak to my dad and ask if I can go back there temporarily I thing, whether he comes too is up to him!

OP posts:
SicknSpan · 17/05/2014 10:08

Sounds like a plan. Good luck x

JustGrrrrrreat · 17/05/2014 10:17

It is nothing to do with being christian either. If they can deal with sex and babies out of wedlock to the point they are ok housing you they have not a fucking leg to stand on.

using religion as a cop out for, frankly absurd, outdated, and offensive views is bullshit.

cactus123 · 17/05/2014 10:21

Yes I definitely agree with you there. They somehow think it is acceptable to use that as a poor excuse. It really makes me upset. Although I'm not religious, a lot of my family are christian and they are accepting to absolutely everybody.

And thank you SicknSpan xx

OP posts:
icklekid · 17/05/2014 10:48

cactus do they know about your brother? Very insensitive if so! Can totally understand why you wouldn't want to live there.

I guess a proper chat about options with your dp would be helpful- would he consider moving to your dads? Explain how his parents make you feel. Good luck but your not being unreasonable.

cactus123 · 17/05/2014 10:51

They do know yes!! :(

Thank you, I will have a chat to DP and my dad tonight about what the best options are x

OP posts:
Casmama · 17/05/2014 11:14

They sound horrible and I don't blame you for wanting to move out. However, they are entitled to express their opinions in their own house no matter how offensive they are, just as you are entitled to refuse to be around them.
It sounds like living with them is not a long term solution so good luck finding an alternative.

alita7 · 17/05/2014 11:29

Cactus I couldn't live there either.
They can't control their feelings and thoughts but they could shut up about it in your presence! not the sort of people I'd wanting living with my baby.

But the good news is you will be able to move out when you have the baby.

Get on the housing register now and if you can get your dps parents to say you can't live there from x date, they will home you quickly as you are pregnant.

If you don't want to do that then when the babies born you will be eligible for tax credits and child benefit, and you can already claim housing benefit if you get your own place if dp is only earning a little bit. so moving out to a 1 bed should not be an issue, money will be tight but manageable. Visit your citizens advice bureau for accurate information :)

alita7 · 17/05/2014 11:32

ps I'm a uni student and I live with dp and his dd and I'm pregnant. We claim housing benefit through his name and it's fine :)

alita7 · 17/05/2014 11:33

ps 2 private message me if you have any questions or would like more details :)

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