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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Financial question for an unborn baby

20 replies

Aleeza123 · 16/05/2014 01:50

Well im going to be turning 16 just before the babys due date and im in care and the babys dad wants nothing to do with the baby but im not going to let him off that easily so im planning to tell his family that he got me pregnant if his family do turn there backs on me can i make his family financially support me for the baby because my ex cant pay for the baby because after all he is under age and isnt working? Can you please give some advice thankyou x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheBuggerlugs · 16/05/2014 03:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Fideline987654321 · 16/05/2014 04:16

How old is he OP?

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 16/05/2014 04:26

Child maintenance isn't taken into account on benefit claims anymore.
Maybe speak to the Child Support Agency for some more advice OP.
Hope you reach a good solution.

Original poster

Aleeza123 · 16/05/2014 10:36

So what benefits are you talking about?wont his family have to take responsibility for his actions

OP posts:

duchesse · 16/05/2014 10:47

If you are in care OP, can you get advice and help from your own social worker? S/he may well have some good ideas.

I'm not sure but I don't think you can expect too much in the way of material things from the boy or his family. You are both so young, and boys tend to be younger that girls even at the same age. As you say, he is not working so unlikely to be able to contribute.

I really feel that you need some good advice from your own caregivers on this. Good luck!

duchesse · 16/05/2014 10:49

And I agree with Buggerlugs about his family probably siding with him. They will almost certainly prefer him to finish his education and get as far as he can in it and are extremely unlikely to support you. Please get some real life support and help with this. Can your foster parents help you find the right support?

Original poster

Aleeza123 · 16/05/2014 10:51

My social worker is so shit barely even see her and if i ask her anything she has no clue about it

OP posts:

duchesse · 16/05/2014 11:16

Are you with foster parents or in a group home? Can you ask for help from anybody other than your social worker? When is this baby due? Have you got plenty of time to work things out?

NatashaBee · 16/05/2014 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse · 16/05/2014 11:31

I presume you're still in school so can you ask a sympathetic teacher (your tutor?) for help. Your school should help you if you are pregnant and even if they can't personally provide support, they will be able to direct to the right channels. You are a vulnerable child already and with the pregnancy as well, they can use some of the pupil premium they receive for you to help you with this. For a start you will probably be recommended to go to a mother and baby foster placement so that you can have the right support at the start of your baby's life.

Looking after a young baby is so hard at the beginning that everybody needs help with it, but especially young and vulnerable mums. Please consider and accept every single bit of help you are offered by the authorities. Much older mothers need it more often than not, even more so a 16 yo with no family support. There are specialist teenage mum support groups in most areas. They might be a real help for you.

EllaBella220 · 16/05/2014 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 16/05/2014 11:58

No his family don't have to, and they're not just his actions they're yours too.

Who are you living with at the moment will you be able to get support from them?

And have you tried citizens advice, they'd be able to help you get what you're entitled to money wise.

Good luck x

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 16/05/2014 12:00

His family aren't financially responsible for supporting his child I'm afraid.

However, you may be surprised how good his parents could be, even if your ex ignores his responsibilities. A good friend of mine had her daughter at 18. Her daughter has never met her dad, but she has a good relationship with her grandparents on that side. They didn't provide maintenance, but they regularly helped with big purchases (next stage car seat, bike for Christmas, etc) when they could and were also a good source of support and babysitting. It is worth giving them a chance I think, and seeing which sort of people they are going to be.

Observer78 · 16/05/2014 23:20

Just a thought but perhaps instead of looking at possible ways of how to get something out of someone not even responsible for your situation, think of better yourself - education, education, education; thus being able to take care if yourself and your child.
Relying on other people for financial help will never be the answer. Imagine if they all disappeared and them there's just you and the child - what will you do? If there're no handouts of any kind, just you and your ability (or lack of) to work and support yourself.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/05/2014 08:02

Observer you might be right in the long term, but perhaps you'd like to remember that you're lecturing a pregnant 15 year old who for some reason is unable to love with her family at the moment. Her opportunities for financial self sufficiency are probably pretty limited right now.

Aleeza, it might be worth asking for a meeting with your social worker and their team manager. Make a list of the things you want to discuss. Are there current court proceedings for you or have they been finalised? Do the local authority intend to issue proceedings for your baby?

I agree with a poster above who says that practical support is really important. As far as education is concerned, are there any parenting courses you can take to help you prepare?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/05/2014 08:05

It's also worth seeing if you can have an independent advocate given that you are in care. This is not a lawyer, but someone who is trained to help you get your point across. Whilst I don't think you have any problem communicating (from what I've seen here) it may be that it will reinforce what you say to social services.

Observer78 · 17/05/2014 21:56

TestingTestingWonTooFree - aged 15 I too didn't live with my family (came from an incredibly abusive background), but I wasn't pregnant and looking for advice on how to best screw innocent people, nor where and how to get benefits. I was studying hard to better my life, have a life.
Maybe if people said the right things, not tiptoed around, there wouldn't be a post from a pregnant 15 year old.

duchesse · 18/05/2014 12:54

Observer, I don't think anybody is suggesting that it's a good idea for a 15 year old child to have a child instead of pursuing her education and making her way in life. However that particular horse has already bolted, so there's no sense in coming on strong with OP, imo.

BookFairy · 18/05/2014 13:00

Aleeza if you aren't getting any advice from your Social Worker you should contact Coram Voice (just type into google and it will come up), as they are a special charity who support children/young people in care. They will give you an advocate to talk things through with. They can even come with you when you see your Social Worker and make sure you are getting all the information you need.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/05/2014 13:18

Observer good for you. You are probably unusual in being a voice of experience, but as you rightly acknowledge, you weren't pregnant. OP is and that has a significant impact on her ability to engage in education/improving herself/becoming independent.

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