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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling your family early

22 replies

COYGL12 · 15/05/2014 10:44

Hi all,

I'm currently 7 + 2. Booking appointment tomorrow. Suffering from a lot of tiredness already & anxiety which is resulting in lots of broken nights sleep and strangely nightmares that people gave found out I'm pregnant.

I see my family most weekends & it's getting quite hard to keep lying/the secret. I'd initially wanted to wait until the 12 week scan but don't know if all the worrying is getting a bit on top of me and I'd feel better for at least telling my immediate family?

I guess what I'm asking is did any of you break the unwritten rule and tell before the scan - and do you think it was the right thing to do? Did if help you relax? Or do you wish you'd waited?

Many thanks for your help :)

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Ducky23 · 15/05/2014 10:50

My mom/aunt/brother/grandad have all been told the day I found out and I have told a couple of close friends. I think it's good to have support of people close to you.

They say you shouldn't tell people before the 12 week scan due to the higher risk of miscarriage at that time but I think if something like that were to happen the people I have told would be the best support

Dh's family have not been told yet and won't be told until after the 12 week scan as they are not supportive at all and his mom would tell the whole world .

Congratulations!

Nunyabiz · 15/05/2014 10:52

Hello! My 'rule' was to tell only the people I would turn to should anything go wrong.
I was so sick (HG) both times that it would have been impossible to keep lying, but I did book an early scan at 8 weeks privately just for added reassurance.
I told my mum, PIL, and our siblings. They were all sworn to secrecy but DH's mum spilled the beans by sending early scan picture to her best friend.
Anyway it's tricky. Once you tell your parents, you feel you have to tell his parents, then you feel it would be unfair for them to keep a huge secret so you decide to tell siblings, then you worry that they will tell people... It's totally up to you obviously but just consider it all.

Teaandtoast1 · 15/05/2014 10:52

Hi, congrats!

I had an early scan at 10 weeks, just because I wanted to be sure there was a heartbeat etc. Plus I work in what can be a dangerous environment I felt bad that work people knew and not family as I had to be moved departments for my safety so everyone knew.

We then had our 12 weeks scan and there were problems. (Big problems) In hindsight I would now not tell anyone until my scan as it's made it harder for us. This is really just personal opinion though. I suppose only tell people that you would tell if god forbid there was a problem?

Good luck x

alita7 · 15/05/2014 10:56

I told my mum at 5+ 5 and my dad at about 8 weeks. I think needed mums support if things went wrong.

LisaC2611 · 15/05/2014 10:57

Congratulations!

I told my mum and sister the day I found out at 4 + 5. If anything were to go wrong I would have wanted them to know so that they can support me and be there to comfort me.

We also told DH's parents the day after as we were round there for dinner and I felt that if my parents knew they should too.

I also told a friend of mine, but that was purely because I run with her and I wanted her to know, again in case anything happened while we were out running.

I have told a couple of other people now, but that was after I had an early scan to confirm the viability and I have felt much more confident in the pregnancy since and able to start telling people. I don't want the rest of my family, aunts/uncles/cousins etc to know until after the 12 week scan though but as that is less than 3 weeks away, not too long to wait now.

You need to do what you feel is right for you. There are no "rules" as to whether you should tell parents before the 12 weeks scan, I think it is up to each individual.

ShoeWhore · 15/05/2014 11:01

I always told close friends/family. I miscarried twice before I had my dcs and it was very hard telling them that sad news when they didn't even know I was pg. and I really needed support post-mc.

I can totally see why you wouldn't tell all and sundry but I think people v close to you is different.

ShoeWhore · 15/05/2014 11:03

Sorry I forgot to say congratulations! Feel like my post sounds a bit doom and gloom having reread it - I have 3 fab dcs now and had textbook pgs with all of them.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 15/05/2014 12:01

We told parents before the scan... in fairness that was because we knew my family would react badly (unplanned baby, middle of uni, older boyfriend). Sure enough we were right (they wouldn't be without her now). The way I saw it, I wanted to get the bad reaction out of the way, and if I did mc, I knew I'd need my mum's support anyway.

Boogles91 · 15/05/2014 13:22

I had no choice....it was written on me sicknote and like a twit i asked me parents to pik it up as id forgotten to ask for it that day lol me mum new something wasnt right anyway as i was plumping out lol x

Original poster

COYGL12 · 15/05/2014 19:47

Thank you all so much off the kind wishes & advice. If the worst happened it would be my Mum & Sister who I'd confide in for support. Family consists of Mum, Dad, sister & 3 year old niece. I think if I tell the 3 of them it will be a huge relief, and wait until after the 12 weeks to tell my little niece. I know it's silly it just feels like it's tempting fate to share my news. Lots to think about I guess, doesn't help being full of hormones - everything seems so dramatic doesn't it.

Thanks again all :)

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hubbahubster · 15/05/2014 19:53

It's completely personal. I was itching to share the news first time around and told my parents, siblings and TW best friends at 9 weeks, only to MC at 11 weeks. I found the un-telling incredibly painful and my two following healthy pg I had no problem keeping to myself until after the 12 week scans. For me and DH, it was lovely to have that secret and I actually was a bit reluctant to share even after successful scans!

weebairn · 15/05/2014 21:22

Told my parents at 6 weeks, and closest 2 friends and brothers at about 9 weeks both pregnancies. Really glad I did, don't much like keeping secrets from people I love. They were lovely and sympathetic with morning sickness etc, which really helped when struggling through at work.

On the other hand have only just told work now at 20 weeks.

There aren't really any rules, do what is right for you. And congratulations :)

MrsCouchman · 15/05/2014 23:51

I told my family, in laws, close friends and work, currently 8 weeks & itching to tell people! Haven't told my son & niece yet as worried they will tell people and will ask constantly where the baby is! X

Nunyabiz · 15/05/2014 23:57

Mrs couchman how old is your son? We made the mistake of saying the name we were keeping secret in front of Dd. She's 3. Now she tells anyone who will listen "dats my baby shishta- Denelote in mummy's tummy!" Lucky most people still require a translation (Penelope) otherwise everyone would know!

MrsMonkeyBear · 16/05/2014 05:47

I told my mum, dad, sisters and in-laws as soon as we found out at 6w I lived with my in laws and couldn't not tell them, MIL also very intuitive and knew before I did.

I needed my mum, dad n sisters to know as they are my main support, especially my older sister.

Polkadotscarf · 16/05/2014 07:05

We told close family as we'd want their support had anything gone wrong. Telling everyone else at 13 weeks was hard as it had been nice to have a secret!

amy246 · 16/05/2014 08:39

We told family the day of the positive pregnancy test! We were just too excited! Also if anything went wrong it would have been great to have that support from people who already knew

MaryWestmacott · 16/05/2014 08:44

I worked on the principle, I'd tell anyone who's support I'd want/need if I lost the baby. I did actually have a miscarriage between DC1 and 2 at 12 weeks (a couple of days before my scan ) - i ended up having to tell friends I wanted support from I wished I'd told them I was pregnant in the first place.

however, I don't believe in telling everyone for 'fairness' sake, my mum was a nightmare when I had a MC (it became all about her, a thread in itself), so when I was pregnant with DC2, I told MIL at around 6 weeks, and my parents after we had a private scan at 8 weeks.

Christelle2207 · 16/05/2014 08:51

We told parents and my boss after 8wk (private) scan- didn't really believe there was anything there before that! Told everyone else at 14wk - we actually went skiing just after 12 wk scan (not planned that way!) and I wanted to avoid raised eyebrows.

HuglessDouglas · 16/05/2014 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreeSpirit89 · 16/05/2014 09:22

My mum and dad found out the day I did, as did my gran and my best friend.

I needed the support, and thankfully I had a healthy pregnancy and no complications.

It's a personal choice, so do what's tonight for you x

Redling · 16/05/2014 10:59

I told my family and my husbands family at 6 weeks because it was Christmas and I wasn't drinking and sleeping half the time and didn't want my Christmas dinners! I felt that I wanted family to know. It's so hard keeping the secret for 12 weeks when you feel so ill.

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