crazy relatives & pregnancy

[scrufhead]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant & my family are driving me crazy!!... I'm planning a home birth (me & DP are currently living with family) & all I'm getting are negative comments to try and put me off "what if the head gets stuck" "you wont cope with the pain" etc etc... We didn't find out the sex of baby, but in the weeks before, certain family members bought some pink baby clothes "just in case" :/ Their comments started making me doubt whether our choice to not know was the right one, which led onto bickering between me and DP. One family member actually screamed at me when I told her we wasn't finding out. Thing is they're still going on about how much they want to know what gender baby is... i find this very odd! ! I also feel that no one (apart from dp) is listening to my wishes regarding visiting after the birth & the issue of photographs on social networking sites. Am I being hard work?? I'm not normally a people pleaser but it's got to the point where I'm not sure to just take it all on the chin or tell them to f off!! sorry about the long post & if parts don't make sense :/ xx

Hey scruf (cool name ) firstly I think your well within your right to keep visits, photos etc within any parameters you think is best for YOUR child. It is your child so you set the rules. Everybody comments on genders or if they know that they go on about names I think most of the time people just want something to say it's annoying I know. Best just to smile through it, easier said than done. The only thing I would be careful about is whose house are you in? It is your house but family live with you or is it your parents house? I know my mum would feel definitely like she had a say if I "lived under her roof" I can even imagine her saying it now ! It can be hard living with family especially if they have different views but it's still your baby perhaps a firm but smiley we have decide this ........ Leaving no room for a reply. Good luck to you
X

Definitely tell them to take a hike!

It's your body, your pregnancy and your baby, they have absolutely no right to complain about your choices. Next time one of them does, tell them that you think it's completely out of line for them to be commenting either way and that you and DP are the only ones with the right to make choices for your child.

As to visiting etc. definitely enlist DP's help to fend people off. Firmly explain that you feel very uncomfortable with the idea of photos of your baby being in a public space and that anyone who comes into the room with a camera will just be turned around and told to leave. Also tell them that while you appreciate their desire to visit, you will simply be too tired & sore to see anyone and will be battening down the hatches for the first few days/week that you're home & will not be answering the door to anyone.

no you're not being hard work, you're being assertive! and my advice would be stick at it and eventually they'll back off. I had it all with my first - opinions about my planned home birth (which didn't go to plan), breastfeeding, names, not finding out the gender etc etc. I stood my ground on everything - especially the no photos on the internet (if they can't comply they don't get to take pictures) -the only thing I didn't stand firm on was visitors...9 people in my living room while DH slept and I had an infection in my episiotomy stitches was not my finest moment - I made sure to be stricter with number 2. now after 3 years they don't say a word because they know it's water off a ducks back for me now! you know your own mind so stand firm, you won't regret it in the long run

Thank you all!! I thought I was being a mumzilla (I have actually been called that by my sister after I said I wanted skin to skin after birth for a while & not for baby to be passed around like a toy! ) it was my mums idea to move back in with her, it's a big house so we have our own space, but I do feel like she's now using that as a way of making claims about who can be at the birth and who can't! ! I want try to be as stress free as possible but it's just bloody hard!! Thanks again xx

Don't let anyone push you around- have a hospital/ birthing unit if you have to, in order to have things your way away from your mum!

I HATE people telling me what I can or can't do particularly with pregnancy- I feel under pressure sometimes if someone even asks if I'm doing something they think is necessary or beneficial...

You have the patience of a saint I would have screamed at them to fuck off and never talk to me about pregnancy and birth again if they even want a chance at seeing the baby. You and the baby do not become family property just because you're having a baby, you must be allowed to do what's right for your health and the babies.

Be assertive and if you can't make sure your dp is- I've heard of mothers having forms of PTSD just because their births/ after birth was so far out of their control, especially in that confused post birth state. You're going to be hormonal, tired and you may have some health issues like stitches which make you uncomfortable and in need of privacy- it must happen.

People really really need to learn when to back off- I'm allowing immediate family to visit very soon afterwards (my mums coming to the birth so my dad will come over soonish, dps kids, and therefore his parents), as long as I'm allowed to be as demanding and 'rude' as I need to be- I will be making it clear to everyone who visits within the first week that if I say me and baby need private time, they go away... if I say I need someone to get me a cup of tea then if they want to visit they make my tea, if I want my baby back of whose holding it, they give it back right then... You need strict rules to survive the visits!