How soon did you feel up to visitors?

[mssleepyhead]

Baby number one is due in August and will be a first grandchild for my MIL. She lives overseas and wants to come and visit for a week soon after the birth (staying in a hotel). The date she suggested arriving today is 3 weeks after the due date, which panicked me. It feels far too soon - what if baby is late? She'd be here just a week later! So. It's going to upset her but we need to put her off. When would you suggest...?

I personally wouldnt put her off.

You will be glad that she can entertain the baby whilst you catch up on sleep etc.

Personally I'd discuss with the whole thing about first babies often being late, that you and partner will be doing family bonding for the first week or two, and that you'd really like her to come say 4 weeks after your due date to make sure you get the alone time. At that point you might have your shit together, and will probably be really up for some help - I don't know your situation, but if your partner takes paternity leave, then he'll be back to work around that time. You might be grateful.

Personally I'm expecting PIL arrival the day after (and dreading it), so yours at least sounds reasonable!

I wanted everyone to meets my new DC as soon as possible as I loved being able to show them off. If she were staying in your house I might put her off but as it's in a hotel I wouldn't have a problem with it. Everyone is different though.

I think it totally depends on your relationship with her, if she's helpful and you feel comfortable with her being around when your trying to establish breast feeding (if you're planning to ) it will probably be fine.

I had my first at 4.45 am home by 11am visitors at 12! But I was on a real high and wanted to show her off but I know this is not for everyone.

My mum came to stay for a week and was amazing she cooked cleaned did washing and ironing so I could focus 100% on dd. She didn't try and interfere with me and dp looking after dd and only helped with her when I asked or if I needed some sleep. If your mil was prepared to help in these ways I would bite her hand off! What you don't need is to feel you have to look after her and make her cups of tea etc
Do you think you could talk to her about ways she could help? I've found that if you ask people are often delighted eg mil can't wait for you to come and help after baby's born not sure how I'll cope with all the cooking washing etc when baby's born would be great to have an extra pair of hands?
Hopefully you'll get a positive response! :)

These are really good points everyone, thank you! My MIL and I have a bit of a language barrier and although she's absolutely lovely that makes things a bit strained sometimes. I think 4 weeks sounds like the perfect time, so thanks for that suggestion. And you're right, I'm sure she'll want to help too. Thank you all for your sense of perspective! : )

I actually think that three weeks is perfect and you should try to see that she is trying to be very sensitive to your needs both by leaving it that long and by staying in a hotel.
By all means ask her to make it 4 weeks if you are more comfortable but be gentle as she is possibly compromising what she wants already.

DS1 was born late on a sunday evening. On the Monday I was desperate for visitors. By the Tuesday I just wanted to stay in bed.

Discuss with her what she is expecting. If she will be cooking and cleaning ask her to come for a month. If she wants feeding and entertaining get her to come for lo's first birthday instead

[Waves] hi we are on the same a.n thread

I had my first visitors while I was in hdu had been there a few hours and recovered a little from the trauma before. They stayed around 20mins altogether (had to come in separately) and was nice to see a familiar face to hold baby as I physically couldn't get up.

2 weeks was bearable (after planned cs). Even then I refused to get dressed, me and DD came first that time.

Unlike the 5hrs after my EMCS first time round .

I think I would let her, especially as she's staying in a hotel which means she is thinking of you and your privacy.

My mum is going to be at my birth along with dp as I think it's something she's always wanted to do and they are both good at different things. So my dad will probably be along fairly soon and my PIL will baby sit dsd 3 who lives with us and bring dsds (x3)(depending when their mum lets them come -.-) to see the baby so they will be over pretty soon too! I'm ok with this as long as no one overwhelms me or the baby and understands if I ask to be left alone for a bit.

I think if you explain to your mil (or get dp to) that you may need some private time and could she be respectful of that while she's there. TBH she sounds thoughtful having chosen to stay in a hotel so I bet she'll even do a bit of washing up for you etc :)

Thanks everyone, we got it sorted today and in the end settled between us all on 5 weeks after the due date. That way if he's 2 weeks late (I don't know why but I'm expecting him to be!) she'll be here when he's 3 weeks old. She's staying in a hotel because we don't have a spare room, so we don't have a choice, but she's told us she will come first thing in a morning and will stay with us for dinner, for a week, so I think coming a bit later will be best for everyone as hopefully I'll be starting to get my head around sleep patterns and feeding and things. I think at the moment everyone's happy... Now just my family to sort out!

I was quite euphoric after my first birth and enjoyed having people popping in but definitely didn't want anyone staying over. My inlaws (150 miles away) came on day 4 for two days but stayed in a hotel and went back and forth. It was ok but I was quite glad when they left actually.

Second time, I was much more emotional and wobbly for a while and didn't encourage visits in the same way.

Neither time would I have allowed overnight visits.

It's different for everyone though and a lot depends on the birth. It's important not to shut people out though, a new baby is a blessing for everyone. Within reason!