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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

'and have you made some friends?'

25 replies

aroha77 · 04/05/2014 15:41

I'm getting a bit paranoid - am 36 weeks and just started mat leave. All everyone keeps asking me is have I made a group of antenatal friends. Which I haven't really. But I've got friends who work nearby who I can meet for lunch, colleagues who work part time etc and was thinking I might make friends after I've had the baby, at playgroups etc. Will I be ok?! The amount of people asking have made me worried! Xx

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scaevola · 04/05/2014 15:46

Yes, you'll be fine.

In the early days, having friends (or at least acquaintances) with infants the same age is helpful (just for the camaraderie of 'all in this together'). You don't need to overplan that in advance though.

Lozmatoz · 04/05/2014 15:51

Of course you will! I made loads of friends at baby groups. Even one in the queue at the doctors, you just end up chatting to other people with babies.

KB02 · 04/05/2014 15:56

I didn't make 'ante-natal' friends and still haven't made any new friends with children at playgroups despite going regularly.

my ds is 2 and I'm a sahm! I have a couple of existing friends with children of similar age though and have seen them fairly regularly.

I think people sometimes make friends at ante natal classes, especially NCT and continue to see them after the children are born. I have just started a new playgroup and in one session spoken to more people there than other groups in 18 months ! So I think I may have been going to the wrong playgroups !

I don't think you need to worry just try lots of different baby and playgroups when you feel ready . I found it quite hard to make small talk while sleep deprived though .

HRMumness · 04/05/2014 16:01

Is there a local NCT group that puts together Mums due at the same time? My group of NCT classes got cancelled as there wasn't enough people but they did put a group of us in touch with one another. We organised a few meetups and almost 2 years on I'm still in touch with a handful of them, a couple of them I see almost every week. Myself and another Mum are both having our second baby in the same week again.

Also made a few friends through various children's centres / baby groups. It's good to go to the baby specific ones if you can find them as I found the 0-3 / 0-5 groups better once my DD was 12mo+ as she wasn't napping during them and could be a bit more independent. I seemed to meet more local people at those, great to get to know people in your neighbourhood.

I still do catch up with friends I had pre-baby but it is much harder when baby gets to toddler stage (especially if they don't nap well in the pram) as most people's lunchtimes correspond or come close to nap time. Fingers crossed you can manage to get your LO sleeping so you can have a nice leisurely lunch in peace :D

Hope that helps and good luck!

HRMumness · 04/05/2014 16:06

I found going regularly to the same groups help. It seems easier to build up to perhaps playdates / catching up for coffee if you've seen almost every week for a couple of months. I was never very comfortable with getting numbers of people I just met. Seems something that built naturally really.

MintChocAddict · 04/05/2014 16:06

I didn't make any new friends while on maternity leave with either of my two and quite honestly didn't feel the need to. Was happy going for long walks with pram, browsing shops etc. Content with my own company.

There's loads of great info on here about all things baby if you need it. I wasn't really keen on idea of baby groups and had existing friends (mainly without babies) to catch up with. Was quite nice to talk about something other than nappies/feeding TBH.

Just go with the flow and If YOU think you need a network of similar new Mums then am sure there'll be plenty available locally that you can tap into.

jasminemai · 04/05/2014 16:10

I didnt bother with anything like that and didnt attend any baby groups etc as reminded me too much of work. I just hung around with my existing friends.

loopylou52 · 04/05/2014 16:24

I find this sudden pressure to 'make friends' quite odd too. My MIL has said about it a number of times - she even suggested I may make friends in hospital, to which I replied that I hope not to be in there long enough to meet anyone! We did NCT but I don't know if I'll become friends with people from there - it feels a bit contrived to me. I'm thinking of doing some post-natal courses/classes etc when baby is here so I'll be able to get out and about without feeling under pressure to turn everyone I meet into my new best friends!

parallax80 · 04/05/2014 20:12

I made lots of friends, mainly with elderly ladies I met passing regularly in the street. It was lovely - got to know a couple well enough to pop round a couple of times a week for cups of tea / peaceful loo going while they held baby, and subsequently adopted one as a surrogate grannie (her grandchildren live overseas and my mum / PIL were 5 hrs drive away in opposite directions).

I also went to a 'women's group' which was child friendly but catered for women of all ages and that was lovely because most people had had children and were supportive and empathetic, but had kids now in school so were more free to do little bits of entertaining while I had a cuppa etc.

I did end up getting to know a few people via playgroup etc but wasn't overly fussed so just let it come in it's own time (which it did).

I've been incredibly lucky and sadly not everyone is but I guess my point is that sometimes you don't know who will become friends and where you'll meet them, so take any opportunity even if it doesn't seem likely.

parallax80 · 04/05/2014 20:13

(Oh, and I hate sitting around in coffee shops, so I guess I was lucky too because I didn't feel I missed out by not doing that!)

Doodleloomoo · 04/05/2014 20:17

This question really annoyed me too. You'll be fine, and will probably end up making a new friend or two, but will be fine regardless.

Good luck. 36 weeks, how exciting

MrsRuffdiamond · 04/05/2014 20:23

Although I didn't join the group with the aim of making friends, I'm still close to the 3 other mums who made up our NCT 'refresher' ante-natal group which I went to for dc2, and that was nearly 18 yrs ago!

I'm sure any new friendships will happen naturally for you, whether it's ante-natal, baby or toddler groups, or another mum in the park.

Gennz · 04/05/2014 23:26

This is an interesting. I don't want to do ante-natal classes but I have everyone telling me I must so I can get on board with a coffee group. The idea of being forced to hang out with random people just becauise we have children of a similar age horrifies me! I have a few friends and a sister with small kids and a couple of friends due a bit before me, surely that's enough?

Gennz · 04/05/2014 23:26

an interesting question*

derr

restandpeace · 04/05/2014 23:35

If you want to make friends after babys here, go to groups. I made none while pregnant, 4 times. too grumpy

restandpeace · 04/05/2014 23:35

Gennz, if your happy, what more could you want?

restandpeace · 04/05/2014 23:37

I had 3 in hospit and the last thing on my mind was making friends.

Gennz · 04/05/2014 23:43

Yeah exactly - I am getting some funny looks over it which is weird. I don't have any vacancies for friends! I don't see enough of the ones I already have!

Original poster

aroha77 · 05/05/2014 00:05

Thank you everyone :)

OP posts:

Original poster

aroha77 · 05/05/2014 20:48

OP posts:

Redling · 05/05/2014 23:12

I feel the same, have thought and thought and decided not to do NCT classes as I'm not sure it is worth the cost. People keep asking how I think I'll mam's friends, but the thought of looking at 5 other couples and thinking 'right, you have to be my new friends' is just awful! I feel like if I meet any nice mums at baby groups after then great, I'll be pleased, but I'm not going to force it, I don't make close friends that easily and I hate the idea that somehow all my close friends now will be useless to me because they aren't mums.

Redling · 05/05/2014 23:13

Make friends, not mam's friends!

TurquoiseDress · 05/05/2014 23:59

Do not stress about it at all!
I got frequently asked about ante natal group friends, plans for post-natal groups.

So far I've done bugger all in terms of making new 'mummy friends'.
For me I can't think of anything worse than hanging around drinking coffee somewhere with others just because we happen to have given birth within a few months of each other!

I've loved maternity leave...done so much catching up with friends, introducing my LO...got enough friends who I don't see enough, I couldn't cope with having to make more just because I have a baby!

Elastigrrrl · 06/05/2014 10:07

Um...a slight different view here...I'm also about 36 weeks and though I agree the NCT/yoga/etc groups are a bit forced, I am gratefully looking forward to being able to share the ups and downs with women going through the same thing. I'm sure OP will be fine with whatever approach she prefers of course. But I don't think the contrived aspect necessarily takes away the positive aspects of pre-baby to post-baby Mummy/coffee/NCT/whatever groups. Just my experience thus far.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 06/05/2014 13:43

You'll be fine. I was in bed for most of my first pg and still managed.

Agree with others, find out if there is a nct group near to you. You can go now while you are on mat leave, you don't have to wait for baby to arrive.

If you are thinking of Bfing, go along to your local Bfiing Support Group too before Lo arrives.

Have you done any Antenatal Courses? Do you have time to fit a quick one in? Your MW might know of some or try your local pool for aqua natal classes or the nct do paid for short antenatal classes and they also do relaxation classes. These ones will be paid for but concessions are available

Are there any playgroups near to you? Again, you don't have to wait until Lo arrives

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