This morning I was speaking to one of my friends on the phone and she compared my bump to another friend who is a couple weeks more pregnant then me (both expecting girls)... Well, relaying a comment someone else said ie.
"Oh, Sarah said that Laura's bump is so much smaller than yours, like sometimes you can hardly tell she's pregnant, and that she knows you said you're having a girl but it definitely seems more like a boy bump!" After my "Oh right..." She then went on to say "Well I think it's because you're carrying it all over, like that's how your body is choosing to carry it or because you're younger your body is more elastic and is stretching outwards more" I said "Well I have been feeling much bigger recently but didn't think it was an abnormal bump size..." And then she went on to say (referring to a holiday bump photo I posted last week) "Oh do you think your bump has grown more since holiday photo??" ..."Err...I don't know, maybe". Then I tried to change the subject.
FYI - I'm 5'7", 25 years old, was 65.9kg at booking and now weigh 80kg so have put on about 14kg / 31 lbs and am 31w4days pregnant. It's my first pregnancy - could hardly eat anything in 1st trimester, appetite picked up by middle of 2nd trimester & since have been eating quite a lot - especially granola, porridge, milk, yoghurt, fruit, eggs and indulging a bit in cake/flapjacks/extra bowls of 'sweet' cereal eg. crunchy nut cornflakes as midnight snack (not every night!). And definitely did not hold back on the Pan y Alioli on holiday last week!! But have also been working and active the whole pregnancy, doing yoga, walking, swam and walked every day on holiday... Fundal measurement has been bang on every time measured, low blood pressure, no protein in urine or iron deficiency etc, still have lots of energy... Baby measuring bang on in middle of curve at 28 week growth scan and was estimated at 3lbs. I thought I was doing quite well & know I've been indulging more than pre-pregnancy (when I never used to have cake or desserts etc) But didn't think I was that enormous...but now feel it & feel very self conscious/sad.
I was sitting there just thinking 'oh I had no idea she/other people thought I was so big....or that this other girl was so much smaller, yet more pregnant than me.' Felt very deflated after our conversation and found it hard not to cry... it has made me look at my bump differently and worry that it's too low/too big/sticks out too much in front....then started getting anxious and thinking oh god what if they have made a mistake and it's a boy and I've been calling her she and buying baby girl clothes and 'bonding' with her as a girl, narrowing down girl names etc.... What if I've eaten too much and my baby will be too big or I've put her at risk of health problems.... Thinking: 'everyone who's said I look amazing/haven't put on any weight/am 'all bump' - were they all lying and then behind my back saying 'woah she is huge!'
Feel really sad and depressed now and really hungry but don't want to eat....I know it's probably just hormones and I've got so much to be thankful for.....but really need some reassurance...and kind of wanted to rant - WHY WHY WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OK TO COMMENT ON THE SIZE OF A PREGNANT WOMAN'S BUMP SO LATE ON IN PREGNANCY/ AT ALL ! Surely everyone's body shape is different and everyone carries their baby differently but there's so much pressure to look a certain way or be a certain size....How could my friend be so callous to think that it wouldn't upset me for her to compare and say I'm bigger and that I'm carrying it 'all over' :(