Happy but mixed feelings

[LittlePink]

My dad died 3 weeks ago and ive just found out im pregnant. Im very happy but im worried that im not grieving properly because im thinking about the baby and worrying about the next 8 weeks until the scan etc. Im also worried that if I do grieve then it will affect the baby as it will feel my sadness.

I feel as though this baby has been sent to cheer us all up and to give my mum something to focus on and look forwards to and she cried when I told her this morning.

Im just so sad that my dad wont be here to see the new baby (all being well) and that this baby will be the only one of its cousins who didn't get to meet him. That makes me feel very sad.

Just needed to write all of this out. Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy is such an emotional time even if all is well, it must seem overwhelming for you right now.
I think it's lovely that the baby could be something to help you and your mum in this really hard time.
Please don't worry about sadness affecting the baby - it won't. 9 months is also a really long time - you don't need to drop the rest of your life to nurture your baby now the way you do a newborn -your body will do that for you, he/she is all tucked up safe inside. And don't be too strict with yourself about what you should be feeling - a baby is a big thing too and a bit of distraction from the sadness doesn't take away from how you feel about your dad. I think it's nice you've got something positive in your life at this time and I hope you have a really easy, straightforward pregnancy.

Take care of yourself.

I am very sorry for your loss. If it helps my cousin passed while his girlfriend was pregnant with his child. She went through so much stress and grief it was horrendous. She has since given birth to a beautiful baby girl with a lovely calm temperament who has helped pull her (and my aunt and uncle) from the dark times. She really is a little miracle. Just remember there is a part of your dad in your child and this will bring you joy.

Hi LittlePink, I'm in exactly the same position as you, except it's my Mum who died (in Jan). I found out I was pregnant (for the 1st time) 2 months later. I'm absolutely gutted that she'll never know as I know she'd have been a fantastic grandma. My only consolation is that I told her that we were trying for a bay and she got so much joy from simply knowing that.

I'm now 11 weeks and have told my Dad, hoping it would be something for him to look forward to...I think he's so preoccupied with just trying to keep his head above water that he hasn't shown much enthusiasm yet. I'm going to tell my brother this weekend and really hope he is more excited for us.

I'm not convinced there is such a thing as "grieving properly" - I think everyone deals with it differently (or maybe that's just me burying my head in the sand!). Like you, I keep saying "all being well" - I think it would be the last straw for me if things go pear-shaped.

I've got my fingers crossed for both of us that things do go according to plan and I really hope that we and our families are able to focus on this as a really positive thing :)