i think i've been taking liberties with my mum

[ithoughtofitfirst]

She's been an absolute godsend since I had my boy. She comes round at least once a week and we normally just get stuff sorted round the house.

Bit of backstory ... had really severe pnd and she took a long time off work to look after me and my son when I was unable to do either. He's two now and I'm pregnant and she's retiring in s few months. Lately she's been talking about moving away with my dad and I'm really trying to look supportive and happy for them but inwardly a bit like oh fuck.

I've noticed people saying things like 'oh it'll be nice when the baby is here' and her kind of not acknowledging the remarks.

It's like I've been in a bubble but today it popped and I've realised how selfish I've been. I feel awful. I just want them to enjoy their retirement not resent me for needing too much support. I'm nearly fully recovered now and maybe I just need to tell her that I'm really grateful for all her help but I don't want to take the piss any more.

Sorry I've rambled. Any similar experiences??

No experience but didn't want to leave this. It sounds tough, but seems really positive that you're becoming aware of your mum and how she might be feeling. It's never too late to have a good chat and say a big thank you for all she has done and maybe touch on what your (and her) expectations are for when this baby comes in terms of support. If you had pnd last time it's probably worth also just raising any concerns about whether she would want to help again if this were to return, chances are she won't want you feeling abandoned. it might just be different e.g. you might be able to go and stay with them for a bit if you need help.

I don't think accepting help from your mum is taking the piss. I do think you ought to make sure she understands how much you value that help. Perhaps you can reassure her of your plans to manage independently with baby number 2 if needs be.

I think you sound like a lovely daughter. I'd tell her exactly what you've told us.

I doubt very much that your mum feels like you are taking liberties and I bet she was happy that she could be around to help you when you needed her! There is nothing wrong with needing your mum and telling her so! I'm due my first in September and know mum will be round almost everyday helping me.

Regarding the moving away thing, it's a tough one and I know it's something I would be very upset about if my parents did... luckily for me my brother lives only round the corner and there is no way mum would want to be far away from her grandchildren. Tell your mum how you feel I am sure she will understand, especially given what you went through last time.

What testing and sandwich said.

I don't think you are taking liberties since you are so aware of the help you are getting. I'm sure your mum wouldn't have taken time off work and helped if she thought you were taking the piss! Fwiw, I don't think accepting help from parents is ever taking liberties - I think most parents go out of their way to help their kids.

my situation is very similar - my parents are living abroad. My nan is 85 and depends on my mum's company... they were meant both to come to help me with my first baby in July.

yesterday my mum told me that she will be coming but probably on her own as it may be too much for my nan to travel and be in an unknown environment.

I feel guilty but my mum knows I will need her support... and so does your mum! Just speak to her openly. To her you are always going to be her baby and she will feel super protective of you.

Thanks ladies I feel a bit better. I just really like having her around she makes I think she keeps me from giving in to the depression because she sets such a good example e.g. she always has hobbies, exercises and likes going out and about with us on day trips or just sits with him and plays while I whip the hoover round or whatever. The thought of her being fed up makes me feel awful but maybe she just wants to encourage me to be a bit more independent. Which I totally understand and respect .... sounds like I need to chat with her really!