Pregnant after 2 MCs and can't cope

[George2014]

First post but have been a reader and just need somewhere to download.

I've got a 3yr old, no problems there. But I've had a 12 wk MMC and a 6 Wk MC in the last year and now I'm 5-6weeks pregnant again.

I'm not coping. I believe I've miscarried again even though I've got no proof really. My tests were average and I've not really got any symptoms. I just feel like there's no way there could be a positive outcome. I don't know if it's negativity from experience or a genuine sense of whats going on.

My drs surgery is rubbish. I've been a few times over the last year and I've always been treated like an neurotic idiot. 'Fragile' was the word last time and advised not to try again.....

I'm going to wait 2 weeks then call the EPU but I don't want to. I want this to be over now if it's going to be. I've got awful memories of going in that room to be told bad news and I can't do it again.

I've been crying non stop today. I stupidly did and internet cheapy test with a random middle of the day wee and it was very very faint (I've never really had a line on one). I promised myself I wouldn't do any more tests because I just worry about whats on them. I got a good line on a FRER 4 days ago and promised I'd stop then.

I'm tired of all of it. This is the end of the road for us. If I lose this one we are stopping and moving on and I think I'm so upset today because I'm trying to come to terms with that and accept life probably as a family of 3.

Hi George, you need a big squeeze! I can totally sympathize with you, I'm in almost exactly the same boat, I had a mmc at nearly 13 weeks and a mc at around the same time as you afterwards. It is hell on earth isn't it? Emotionally and physically exhausting I've found.

I'm now 7 weeks pregnant, had scan last week at 6+2, booked because of my history and coincidently had started spotting brown the night before which is still there now, we saw a tiny baby and a strong heartbeat. I rang epu about an hour ago as it's a bit more now and I'm booked in for another scan tomorrow morning. I'm constantly prodding my boobs to check they are still sore and today I'm sure they aren't as sore which has convinced me it will be bad news tomorrow. It wasn't too bad going into the same room, I couldn't really concentrate though.

Can you get blood tests to check your hcg levels? I've never had this done myself but I know a lot do. And could you book an early scan ASAP? Even just to tell you the sac/fetal pole is present? Although you might prefer to wait as you said.

As for the pregancy test, google ' the hook effect' and tie your hands behind your back :-) it was an afternoon wee after all!

I'm here for a handhold if you need one, and there is a thread on the antenatal boards for ladies due in December after previous mc, if you haven't already seen it, they are all lovely and in the same boat.

Lots of positive thinking! (I should listen to my own advice!) x

Thank you, hand holding very needed. This is such as isolating business. No one except dh knows anything about all we've been through and he understands but not fully. A few people knew we had a first MC and I don't find it helps and they find it very sad and don't know what to say.

My drs are rubbish, they wouldn't do bloods. They are old country drs who firmly believe you should just sit it out till 12 weeks and suck it up. EPU is self refer so I'll call them in a week or 2 but I want to leave it long enough to be sure when I do go iykwim. Based on LMP I'm 6+2 but based on my ovulation date I'm no more than 5+1 maybe less which complicates matters even more.

I'm over all this if it is another MC. Can't do it anymore. Feel like I've wasted a year of ds life being pregnant, suffering, MC, being ill or in hospital and then TTC all over again. I don't know how people do it.

I've got vaguely sore boobs and prod them constantly and feel like they've gone only to reappear later on! Will take a look at that thread xx

Can you find a clinic that does early scans for a fee? I did one at 8 weeks, it cost £95 which was worth it for the peace of mind I had. It was quite nerve racking going though.

Do you have to think now that if it happens again, you won't keep trying..maybe that is putting too much pressure on yourself, take it day as it comes and try to make decisions only when you have to, not in advance.

Good luck, be kind to yourself x

Typical, I've started spotting now. I think I just knew, deep down this probably isn't meant to be.

We've decided to stop if this ends in MC because we need to move on. I can't handle putting our life on hold for so long and waiting and waiting. It's not fair on ds and in a way, it feels like a relief to have made that decision. We may change our minds though.

Off to knicker watch......

Hi George

I completely understand, after 3 MMCs me and partner decided to stop because we just couldn't do the wait and the anxiety. I found out i was pregnant the day after that discussion though.

It was an AWFUL 3 month wait. But demand a scan and do not take no for an answer, you need this to see you through. I've had a scan at 6 weeks before and seen a heartbeat.

I've seen your update about spotting. I have a nearly 5 yo I spotted with, had bright red blood with in fact, all was fine. I had red mucus with this pregnancy, I am 14 weeks now - I hope this is the case for you too.

Keep posting here, it really helps

The EPU should be more supportive than your dr, so just self-refer then. Hold off until you are over 6 weeks by ov dates if you can. You stand a chance of seeing a heartbeat then, which might give you the reassurance that you crave.

Thinking of you - the first tri in particular can be terrifying for those who have miscarried before (I'm currently pg after an mc and still can't believe that this might result in a live baby).

Thanks all.

I've got some pinky / brown spotting but worsening AF cramps so I know what's coming.

I think it's just not meant to be. I'll probably ask to be tested as per the 3 MC rule and see if it throws anything up but in reality I know our dream of 2 is over. Need to move on and spend time with ds while he's young and not constantly wishing for another.

George2014 - so sorry you are going through this stressful time. Try not to make any decisions yet regarding whether to stop or not. The instinct after a miscarriage is not always right. Give yourself some time.

If you really are deciding not to try again, then I would advice you not to bother with the testing for recurrent miscarriage straight away. It won't help at this stage, and you can always go for testing in the future if you change your mind.

I have been through 13 first trimester miscarriages, they have all hit me in different ways, some have been emotionally harder than others, for no logical reason. Do give yourself time to grieve. After a few miscarriages I went for grief counselling and it really helped, it might be something for you to consider.

I hope you are wrong and that all is ok, but we generally know our bodies best and if your instinct is telling you it is already over, then you are probably right. But do go to the EPU if you need to do so.