Have I made a mistake?

[Hedgehead]

Was very affected by a MMC I had back in December. Am pregnant again now - 9 weeks. Had a scan last week and saw a heartbeat, everything normal, but for some reason that still didn't sink in for me.

In order to cope with the anxiety about miscarriage, I think I have been in denial about the whole thing. Haven't changed my diet, nor my exercise programme or day to day activities and haven't been taking any pregnancy vitamins (not even folic acid - I know! don't flame me. What is wrong with me?) I think I wanted to carry on with "business as usual" so if the worst happened, I could just get on with my life and not feel I had made any significant changes.)

So today I have just had a total breakdown. I'm exhausted. I feel depressed. I slept the entire bank holiday weekend, every time I stand up I am dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out. I pulled down the lids of my eyes and they are white (I am most probably anaemic now.) I went out and bought pregnacare and two steaks (which I have cooked well done today) and took my first pregnacare today.

Have I started taking the vitamins too late?

Don't be silly. Yes you should start talking folic acid butthe rest of vitamins are just bollocks.

You can carry on business as usual no need to significantly change much!

Congrats on your pg x

I didn't find out about dc2 until I was 7 wks and didn't get any pregnacare until I was 8 weeks and you can still carry on with life as normal so I don't think you have done anything wrong. What matters is you are taking them now . I've never been in your situation but I can understand your coping method as I think I would be the same (I'm a worrier lol)
Good luck Hun I wish you all the best x

LOADS of women don't realise for weeks and they are OK! Don't worry I'm sure it will be OK.

There is a thread on this board for pregnancy after MC if you'd like some hand holding and support: :) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2051073-Today-we-are-pregnant-Thread-for-those-pregnant-after-miscarriage

I didn't realise I was pregnant for about 7 weeks. Started folic acid then but didn't take pregnacare for months after that (I didn't really know about it to be honest!) Also- was so sick in the first few months that my diet was utterly crap- mostly lucozade and iced lollies! My baby boy is doing great now- all turned out OK! So don't worry, and congratulations.

Noooooo, you've done nothing wrong! Preferable if you start taking folic acid now, but don't worry about not having taken it thus far. It's perfectly understandable why you haven't. Maybe see the GP about your other symptoms though - if you're ill when you've barely started, you're not going to enjoy this pg.

Oh and to make you feel better, I had a MMC which was heartbreaking I know, but then spent a fortnight thinking DD1 was a long lasting Christmas party sambuca hangover

She's fine!

Have you discussed your feelings with those around you? Do you like your midwife? I think you are experiencing self preservation at its best. The crappy legacy of a mc is a determination not to bond, not to accept, believe or hope. After all you did what you should have done first time round and look how that worked out, right? You are doing what many of us do. Pretend it isn't happening so it can't hurt.

Talk to your caregivers and somebody you trust. Your baby is likely fine. Just make sure you are too.

Women had healthy babies before folic acid tablets were invented, try not to beat yourself up about this. I'd take them from now on simply as it will reduce your worry about it.

9 weeks pregnant and I generally feel like shit, FWIW with the tiredness and washed out feeling very strong, so it is good to get some iron into you, but honestly your tired feelings might be as a result of a healthy baby pumping hormones into you rather than a sign of you neglecting yourself.

On a more general front, I have had a MMC and found it very very hard to deal with, it meant for me that in any subsequent pregnancy that even if things seem completely ok (no bleeding, pain etc) I am still always going to worry because my of my experience.

I am currently pregnant and finding the anxiety difficult at times and am having some counselling from a specialist counsellor who deals with pregnancy loss. A lot of my coping strategies that I thought suggested I was doing badly such as not connecting to my new pregnancy, not telling anyone about the pregnancy and not buying things for the baby are in fact entirely normal behaviour for someone who has experienced such a loss. It has really helped me to understand that I am not going to behave like I would if it was my first pregnancy, but that is still OK.

It might be worth asking if you can have some support around this from your MW or GP. If you are in London I can recommend a really good place that does pregnancy loss counselling free of charge.

PG after MC is hard. You are doing OK. Hang in there

I didn't take any prenatal vitamins until I was 16 weeks. Some women find out even later! Don't worry about it. Get some rest, get your bloods checked for anaemia and take care of yourself. Hope everything goes well

Ps. My baby is perfectly healthy despite a rough start to the pregnancy, diet wise

I wouldn't worry about any of the vitamins except folic acid.

So sorry to hear how hard it is for you. I hope with time you will start to feel more secure about it all! Take care of yourself - first trimester is exhausting.

Oh bless. Do try and remember that generations of babies have been born perfectly healthily without the use of folic acid or any other vitamins. Similarly, a lot of women don't even realise they are pregnant until many weeks / months after conception and still go on to have perfectly healthy babies. Try and take the vitamins now if you can but don't beat yourself up about it.

Although I can't even begin to understand the trauma of a MMC, with my pregnancy I had two bleeds in the first trimester (one at about 6 weeks and one at about 12 and a half weeks). I think I mentally prepared myself for having a miscarriage (especially after the first bleed as it was so early on), and didn't really think of myself as pregnant for quite some time. I was too scared to believe it in case something went wrong, and it almost came as a bit of a shock to me at my dating scan at 13 weeks to see an a baby in there. It was the first time it really sunk in I think. I guess what I'm trying to say is I can completely understand the 'scared to believe it's real' feeling. Please don't be too hard on yourself, and take care of yourself as the first trimester is exhausting; emotionally and physically. xxx