will they take my baby away because of my esa benefit history?

[newtoallthis1974]

Hello, i've just found out i am pregnant with my first child, i'm approx 5 weeks. I'm 39 and in a long term relationship. However due to shyness/anxiety i have been longterm on esa benefit and last year fought a tribunal to get into the support group so they would leave me alone. Unfortunately my mother who was trying hard to get the tribunal result we wanted (i wasn't at the tribunal) gave the impression i don't go out alone and can't cope with strangers. Which used to be the case but i am much much better nowadays, though still feel unable to work. I am obviously very worried that social services will get involved and even though i know i can do great and have the support of my partner and a clean good flat that they will want to take our baby into care as they will deem me unsuitable. But i am full of love and have been much improved with people, i have never been violent or any of that side of mental health. If i sign off the ESA now live without any of the money, would the fact that i was ever on it still count against me? Am i looking at months of visits and meeting from people trying to work out if i'm a risk? That in itself is going to upset me deeply. We both love our unborn child and will do everything for it. How soon after i get the test confirmed by my GP would it all get refered to them and all the problems start? I admit at the moment we know very little about any of this! My regular GP that had known me since i was a child retired a few years ago, and the new people at the surgery are not the best - but we will be going next week to get all this confirmed, how soon after that do i see a midwife? When will the hospital appts start? And as i said, am i likely to have my child taken away simply because of the reasons listed above? I'm very worried about what may be already written about me. Thanks for any advice, it's a scary time, i'm unsure what could happen.

If ESA meant someone was incapable of parenting and would lose their baby, they wouldn't be eligible for the Sure Start Maternity Grant or Healthy Start vouchers.

As to the 'education level matters' peepod- do you think Steven Hawking is physically capable of parenting a child by himself? Do you not think a parent with such a problem, despite being ridiculously educated and clever, would need extra support due to their 'chronic long term physical illness'?

How educated someone is has sod all bearing on their ability to be a parent.

OP i apolgise if i am coming accross as irrational. but after the month I'v had with social services...

No one is saying (me included) that your child will be under threat of being taken away from you based on the information you have given. However, what I am simply trying to say is that for some people the "support" that is offered from midwifes and other professionals actually does more harm than good, and can lead to assessments, interventions and judgements being made about you.

Some people like the reassurance and some people find the process very supportive. I was unlucky with an unsupportive midwife and an unsuportive social worker who made sweeping judgements against me which I had to fight.

I am just advising caution and making you aware of the potential consquences of asking for support, its not all positive...

Just adding my experience. I had DS now 6 when I had anxiety/panic attacks. By the time I had DD now 9months I was quite severely agoraphobic. I had nothing but support from doctors, midwives, therapists etc and SS were never mentioned. Even when hormones made the anxiety even worse and I couldn't leave the house for a few months.

Please try not to worry.

I'd just like to thank everybody for their answers, it's all helpful. I'm just extremely nervous and a bit terrified of what's ahead of me, so i think i'm just extra worrying.

And starlight1234, thank you, you sound quite like me, except i have never had treatment at the doctors for my anxiety/social problems (though they know of it) as i always prefered to be left alone by authority places... i did have my own counselling privately at a charity that the docs know nothing of and i feel its helped me get closer to dealing with people - i can certainly engage much better with people/strangers, although do still worry before and after about what they thought of me. And prfer to avoid authority places (and yes, i have to beat that problem right now).

Another thing i've read up on that worries me - and should this be a new thread (?), is that people with underactive thyroid and people with B12 deficiancy can have serious problems in pregnancy and have a baby with birth defects and/or low intelligence.... well i have both an underactive thyroid (take 150 a day) and have bi-monthly injections of B12 (both of which have been for 10 years and will be for life).... am i looking at serious problems???? And yes i know, i need to go to the doctors, we will.. But my mum seems to now be pushing me towards termination.. she thinks she's subtle in her hints that i wont cope and have too much health problems... But i dont know - i dont think i could do that. But also worry i wont cope with having it, but i guess it's natural for a first time mum to be scared.
The babies due date is the same one i should have been born on - xmas day. I'm a bit bewildered and crying a lot. I'm 39, i feel this is my only chance.... but i am terrified.

I have an underactive thyroid. I was under consultant led care for the first trimester and monitored but it remained stable (on 175). They were great with that side of things and there was considered no further risk so I am just being monitored now with my GP and monthly blood tests.

Baby has grown fine and had no adverse affects because of my underactive thyroid. I'm 37 weeks now..

but yes, I recommend a new thread because there will be others in a similar situation who can help...

I have had a quick skim though this. I have never suffered from metal illness and had any dealings with SS, however I agree with the last poster who says that you cannot hide away or try and stop people from checking on you.

Isnt that the biggest red flag of all? Somone who wont let themselves be checked and supported?

No i know you're right i cannot hide away, and i will try and do all i can to get out there and we plan to go to the doctors on monday - he needs to be able to to get the day off work. I would like to change surgeries though to the one he is at, as i really don't like mine ever since the GP i have seen for 25 years retired 2 years ago :( Do you think it counts against you if you change? Or will it be seen as me wanting to be at the same as my partner?

I changed half way through.. it had no adverse affect on my care, apart from improving it (I had to change midwives too). it is "usually" easier to change at the start of pregnancy rather than in the middle of it..

At what stage does the midwife come to where you live to kind of check its suitable? We would like time to empty the spare room and make it all look a bit brighter (!) and being overly worried like in post one i just want to know what to expect.

Also, as i wont be living with my partner until maybe August/Sept (we were thinking around then as it will take a while to reorganise to fit my stuff in as well as the babies room), will they insist on the home visit being my family home where i currently officially live with my mum, or will they take the fact that i will be permanantly at the new address a few month before my due date as enough reason to visit that place instead?

Congratulations and good luck with it all. Maybe having to make yourself go to appointments etc etc will turn out to be a useful thing for you in the long run. Ignore your mum, only you know if you can cope with a baby.
Christmas day is a nice due date :) xx

P.s my midwife has just booked a home visit and I'm 35 weeks so you've got plenty of time!

I have a long history of mental health issues and am currently 19 weeks pregnant and still on medication for anxiety/ PTSD. No one gives a hoot!

Just be honest and open, as others posters have said hiding things and declining services looks much worse than the truth

I don't think they do home visits unless you are planning a home birth in which case our ones do it at 37 weeks. The health visitor comes and does a home visit after the birth, if I remember rightly from last time she came round about a week after birth.

some areas have introduced home visits at 35/36 weeks. So no need to stress before then.

Just wanted to add my thoughts. I have a history of depression and anxiety and was frank and open with my midwife about that from the first appt (at about 8 weeks-if you ring your surgery it may be that they make you an appt direct with the midwife without you seeing your GP, although I think it would be useful to talk about the thyroid and B12 issues and how they'll be managed). My midwife referred me to a perinatal psychiatrist who reviewed me and came up with a plan of action re any issues in the pregnancy and after dc was born. The plan related to me seeing my GP if my mh deteriorated, and starting meds after delivery. That was it. No SS referrals.

As PP have said, SS are in any case there to safeguard children - therefore you, and they, want the same thing for your dc. Regardless of whether support is offered by agencies or not, their starting point is not to catch you out in some way. There aren't ulterior motives and hidden agendas round every corner.

Be kind to yourself.

A midwife never came to 'check' my home prior to dd's arrival. I think this practise varies area to area

I don't know your mum but it does sound from your posts like she has an investment in not getting well... I discovered when I did get well lots of people around me liked me been ill and there for them because I couldn't go out... I would of said no had you asked me before I got well but push yourself and see if the support follows.

I have read nothing in the post that suggests you want a termination...Adding an unwanted termination IMO will only add to your negative feelings.

I think you will probably surprise yourself and boost your confidence... If you don't think you can cope , you need to ask for support now to get there.

I would advise you speak to doc about thyroid and B12 issue...I don't know how it is dealt with but far better medically managed...

Hello, I have bipolar disorder and although I'm not currently in the UK dh and I are moving back after the birth in the next few weeks. I've been on my medication throughout the birth, seen psychiatrists, psychologists and a thyroid expert as I have hypothyroidism and at no point has anyone suggested that the baby will be taken, just that there is extra monitoring and support once she arrives.

I contacted MIND to get some more advice about what to do once I moved back and they were absolutely great. There is no suggestion that I will have to have social services involved, just that there may be a bit more monitoring of my bipolar in the early days whilst we adjust as a family and I settle into my job.

If you have concerns then do contact them for more advice. Their information helpline and email service is brilliant.

I understand that removal of a child from the home is an absolute last resort. I seriously doubt that you are anywhere even close to them even thinking along those lines :)

Medication throughout the pregnancy sorry. At 34 weeks, if only the birth was sooner!

I know quite a lot about ESA and care proceedings but less about pregnancy and midwifery etc.

I understand your concerns but I think they are unlikely to be well founded. I don't think the midwife will ask about which benefits at which rate you're on. Anxiety and depression are sadly very common. Many people are on ESA, including in the support group. This does not automatically mean anything re your ability to safely care for a child. Plenty of people claim sickness/disability benefits and successfully care for their children.

I think when you go to the midwife and mention your history you should put a positive spin on it, ie how things are improving, you're feeling better, excited about the baby, making plans to live with your partner, baby's room, have family support, they will be less concerned. I think engaging in antenatal care is really important.

I wonder whether it's worth you talking to Mind or another MH charity that might be able to offer support.

Picking up on the thyroid - my under active thyroid never caused any problem in pregnancy.

I had a lot more blood tests but the dose never moved.

My 10 and nearly 8 year olds are perfectly healthy and fine and too clever.

There are quite a few threads on here for us with thyroid problems and I don't think anyone that I can remember has had an issue with it in pregnancy apart from the regular bloods and some people then have their dose increased.

If u av ad kids removed of u is it possible again

Leannelaw it's not helpful to revive old threads. Start your own, perhaps in legal, as yours doesn't seem to be a pregnancy related query.

You'll need to give a lot more information though to have a meaningful answer. I don't really understand your question. If you're asking whether social services can repeatedly remove children from your care, then yes they can. If you're asking if, having permanently removed children from your care, they could remove a new baby, then yes they can. If you're asking about yourself I'd suggest you go and see a family law solicitor who'll be able to advise you.