Scared of tearing etc

[MrsGiraffe12]

Ok. I'm a regular poster on these boards so forgive me for lots of posts.

Yesterday at my consultants appointment I was told that I'm allowed a VBAC which I'm generally excited about as DC was born by emergency c section 8 weeks early and I have never laboured or contracted.

Only thing is, I'm terrified of tearing or needing an episiotomy. Reasons for this is I'm rather small down there, I know this is the case as I need a lubricant for things such as a smear test and even occasionally tampons or I have pain, the nurses have asked if I have pain on intercourse also which confirms my suspicions.

So irrationally scared that I'm tempted to ask for a c section even though my heart does lie in a VBAC. Did / does anyone else have this fear also?? Thanks

Oh my gosh, you are so not alone in this! I don't think I am particularly small so to speak & have no reason to believe I can't have a VB so far (am 10+3 with first baby), but there are so many horror stories of tearing etc I'm a bit freaked out by it all!

So glad it's not just me, everyone else I've met is very Zen about it, which makes me panic even more!

Have a look into perineal massage, as that can help. FWIW I had episiotomy first time, tear second time, these were the things I was most scared of prior to my first labour but it was fine, all healed and recovered within a couple of weeks, able to DTD by 5 weeks PP.

I am a lil bit too. My 2nd(1st resulted in mc) but babys measuring huge and im only 28wks today. Im trying to stay positive about this lol x

My first ds was 10lb and came too fast for episiotomy so tearing was bad. I can honestly say I barely noticed it happen - there is so much going on and the contractions themselves were what I found most painful. also was off my head on drugs lol. The stitches were a bit involved but they give you total pain relief/anaesthetic and once it's done it's done. It really is fine but do talk to your midwife who will have some good advice. The more relaxed you are and less scared/worried the better the birth so please try not to worry!

I also felt I was quite small down below and always had loads of pain and trouble with speculums & even sex sometimes. I had a venteuse delivery with a second degree tear but didn't feel a thing. There is too much going on and all you can really feel is baby making his/her appearance! I was a bit sore for about a week but otherwise no problems at all.

As a pp said, look into perineal massage and try not to worry about an episiotomy. They're done to prevent more complicated/troublesome tears so can actually be a very good thing a lot of the time!

Thankyou all. I feel very stupid for being so scared about this but i guess it's normal seeing as a few have said they are / were scared too xx

I was petrified about this. I delivered very quickly for all of mine (1 push and they come out all at once). Although this makes it sound like I have a bucket down there I assure you I do not

The first time I had a second degree tear. I didn't feel it, or feel it when they stitched me up. It was a bad one an Di had to have a blood transfusion because of it, BUT it was all better after 7 days and really didn't cause much discomfort. Had a lovely lavender bath every night and felt right as rain.
The second and third times I was sure I would do what I was told and not tear but did as the delivery were both so fast. In both of those cases I had no pain relief (no time) and again, didn't feel the tears.

Perineal massage

I was worried with DS. However, I had only as and ar for a 13 hour labour with a two-hour pushing stage. DS came in one final push and I got a second degree tear.

The relief of pressure was so great that although I thought I had a tear it didn't hurt at all at the time. They stitched it with just gas and air, sore but not to bad.

Four weeks post baby I DTD with DH very carefully with no problems.

I took care of the stitches, I aired them and had tea tree oil baths and healed very quickly.

Please try not to worry, it may not even happen x

I had a bad 3rd with dd1 and needed plenty of putting back together in theater after. I'd say a couple of wks and it was much better. Like a lot of people I was extremely worried about it happening again. I had understanding mws for dd2 but even them saying the chances of it happening again were very small the fear didn't go away. The only thing that really helped me come to terms with it was accepting it would happen and writing in my birth plan I wanted an episiotomy to control the tear. As it turned out they didn't have time as dd2 flew out. That time I had a 2nd far better than the time before as I'd told myself it was going to happen and was prepared for the stitches. With ds I told mw who was delivering ds my fears and the first thing she did after was have a good look to see the damage. Again it was a 2nd, again it healed very quickly.

Before I'd had any los I suffered with painful sex and examinations but since dd1 I found I had no pain for anything, a lot of the time it's the fear that causes the pain. I've rambled on but it's a subject that has caused great anxiety over the yrs for me and completely understand how others feel. Feel free to ask me any questions. Good luck

Totally understand your concerns it does happen but not to everyone I don't know if I'm big or small down there but I've had three and no stitches with any of them, the last one was 10lb8! So you maybe lucky and even if you don't friends have told me that the stitches really weren't as bad as they thought they were going to be:)

I had a third degree tear with my first child and, hand on heart, I didn't feel it happening AND it didn't give me any pain afterwards either. I only had gas and air and I promise you I didn't feel the tear, I was so out of my head giving birth. I had to get a spinal block to get stitched up but by that stage I didn't give a toss- i was feeling amazing as my daughter had just been born. The surgeon must've done a great job because I honestly had no bother with it afterwards and they also gave me loads of painkillers. I had an ELCS with the second but only because I was worried that another tear would lead to incontinence (the first didn't). Third degree tears are not common and mine was due to a very fast delivery and the fact that i was in a weird position and the midwife couldn't see what was happening properly. If you want a vaginal delivery go for it- the vast majority of them turn out just fine and even those that don't will be fine too because you have a team of experts on hand :-)

Its completely understandable, but believe me it wont cross your mind when in labour. I had a 3rd degree tear as she came rather fast (6cms to out in 40 mins) she was only a tiny thing as well (6lbs 5oz)
It was painful when the mw and consultant examined it but i was allowed gas and air and had a spinal to stitch in theater. It took a few weeks to not be sore anymore but i sat on an inflatable swim ring which helped and at my check up i was told it looks very neat!
Try and do massage (i didnt and couldnt reach well with my massive bump) as i will when we decide to have baby no 2. I think i expected to tear as i have had pain issues with sex and smears but you are so more focused on getting a baby out.
Def speak to mw about your concerns and put in your birth plan that you want them to try and guide you to help avoid tears.
I worry more about my second as my baby was small so it wasnt her size that caused the tear, just the speed and so i will be asking mw to try and get me to slow down (not thinking about having second yet as first is only 4 months old)