does this get to you??

[ziggletttwiglett]

Anybody else get fed up of people saying "pregnancy isn't an illness! "

I haven't had this personally said to me yet (nearly 26 weeks) as I have a fairly easy pregnancy just the norm of lack of sleep back and hip pain all night and day heartburn etc etc but it really gets up my nose for others sake!

no pregnancy in itself is NOT an illness but the things that come with it are!

Fed up of feeling guilty for being tired sick and being in pain and would really like to be able to say "actually I really DON'T feel like cleaning/working/lifting that today!" Instead of worrying about people judging me for it!

We should not be ashamed to be a bit useless every now and then god knows how those having really rough pregnancys cope!

rant finished just needed a quick grumble thanks peeps :)

No one has said it to me. I feel frustrated at the things I can't do, tbh. I'm trying to carry on as much as normal and resent being restricted.

I mentioned the other day quite jokingly that I would work late if I could just get a wee nap after lunch everyday it was in a chat about letting older members of staff have a nap and was all banter (albeit the people I was chatting to were all over 55 and felt entitled) but all three of them started snapping at me that it's not an illness and to get a grip. I didn't think age was an illness and also was a nonsense conversation but they all got really annoying.

I see that online but wonder if some are scared to say it to your face, when you've obviously been puking and your ankles are as wide as your thighs?

I get wound up by the opposite. I've had several losses including one with a bit of a scary cancer scare (thankfully all OK) last year. Some people try to stop me doing things I KNOW I am OK to do in a well meaning way (e.g. meetings about serious child-related issues, patrolling outside the school for behaviour with a burly PE teacher so not defenceless, drinking one cup of weak coffee a day in 2nd trimester, wearing fecking tiny high heels).
I know they mean well but sometimes I not only feel stifled but also a bit insulted like perhaps they think I caused my medical problems of the last 3 years!! Of course they don't, but perhaps they should reflect on saying "you shouldn't drink tea considering your history" could be taken that way!!
I am always super polite and say "Really? My consultant says 1 cup a cay is find but have decaff in Nero and Costas as they are so strong they'll make me feel sick." If they want to pry, I'll give them the boring TMI and mention who I take advice from: a professional not random people.

I'm sorry but if I felt like this for any other reason I would down the docs demanding tests for every serious illness there is!
I've felt sick since 5 weeks and now I'm 11 weeks, with the occasional vomit or retching incident, I've had head aches, a massive change in bowel movements - sometimes going even 4 time's a day, my eczema is worse, I've got back aches, my joints keep playing up, my skins greasy and spotty and im flat out exhausted all the time even if I have a sofa day - so while its not an illness, I haven't felt more ill over a long period of time in my life! And this is before things like spd etc become a possibility!
If you can't lift a box you have a legitimate reason - your joints and muscles have loosened up, you could damage your self twice as easily as normal!

I agree with alita.

No one ever said this to me when I was pregnant as apparently I looked like death from day one (colleagues had guessed because I looked so ill, and we're waiting ages for me to announce). If I hadn't known I was pregnant I would have thought I was seriously ill!

Some people feel amazing whilst pregnant. But many of us should be in hibernation for 9 months.

I remember my 65year old male boss saying that to me. I replied 'no it's not but have you ever tried growing a whole human being?!' He did stop then!

It got to me too, op! I had terrible morning sickness for about 6-7 months and felt genuinely ill. I.e. i felt the same as when I had tummy bugs previously. I had to take a lot of time off work.

What got to me was the women who refused to acknowledge that pregnancy can actually be massively inhibiting. For instance, a colleague pregnant at the same time, and far sicker than me, came to work every day, did presentations, met with clients etc. I'm glad she coped better than I, but it pissed me off to no end when she kept telling everyone at work that it wasn't a big deal, not an illness etc. It made me look like I was simply complaining or copping out of work!

Comments like that from other women really undermine the fact that some women have very tough pregnancies. It helps perpetuate this myth that its all a walk in the park, and it creates this illusion that pregnant women do not need extra help, a rest time off work, etc.

As long as women hide behind comments such as "i'm fine, it's not an illness!" (whilst hovering over a bucket 24/7) then men will never understand how tough it is, and people will think we are being silly for wanting extra support at work.

I've not had it said to me exactly, though my boss asked how I was feeling. When I told her how tired I was and the mw told me to nap my way through it, she just stared at me blankly then told me how she'd played in her netball team up until 6 months. Cheers for the understanding!

It's men and childless women that bother me the most when they say things like Reallys boss. At least mothers know what it's like so they have an experience to base their opinion on, it's when men assume it can't be that bad because most women do it, and a high percentage of those women do it twice or more, that it really gets on my nerves.
And how DP is only properly sympathetic if he sees me throwing up in the toilet- the rest of the time it's not obvious enough for him!

Iv had it said to me when I couldn't walk due or sleep due to SPD. I also have arthritis!

I used to say it myself when I was pregnant and people were fussing

Maybe my next, more elderly, pregnancy will feel different.

I've had it said to me, but not at work. But by men and childless women. I've had a pretty tough pregnancy so far (am 20 weeks now), and my 6 year old DS pregnancy was very tough, born 2 months early with pre eclampsia. Women who had had children in my experience are very sympathetic x

My SIL said it to my partner about me. I have been signed off work on bed rest since 12 weeks and gratefully agreed when she offered to babysit my son for one day when my childminder was on hol.

Well after looking after him, her good intentions obviously waned and she started telling my husband that I was pregnant not ill and should pull my weight.

I saw her briefly about a month later and she started telling me it would do me good to get up and exercise more. Er thanks doc.... But that will put me in labour... No.

She has two kids, but no sympathy for pregnancies that don't go exactly like hers.

I've found that it's not just men and childless women.

I've had the most extreme (both ways) comments from mums going by their experience, it's such a personal thing I guess it's hard to understand how differently it is from 'your own'... so mums who had easy pregnancies almost assume all pregnancies are like that (easy) and they have 'the right' to judge... whereas mums with worse pregnancies want to wrap me up in cotton wool. Mine has been bad for sickness and high risk, but thankfully better than many day to day.

It's also frustrating that the 1st trimester (when you don't 'look' so pregnant) was tougher for me than the 2nd. Hard to explain! People say 'but your bump is bigger, what do you mean you feel less sick' like I'm tricking them or an idiot.

It would be too much to ask of society, I guess, for people to apply a bit of common sense and recognise that different women have different needs and others should LISTEN to the pregnant woman and TRUST her feelings, not assumptions! Far easier to assume either all pregnant women are fine, can have the baby in the corner of the office, strap it to their back and plod on or all pregnant women will shatter into 100 pieces in a strong breeze.

X post Ferrero ... that's exactly what I mean about some mums being as bad if not worse!

Worst comment (at the other extreme): "If you're not dreading childbirth, you should. I almost died and had to have several operations afterwards: that's normal." Have checked around, no, it's not unknown but not 'normal'. But I guess if it's her normal, the 1000s of women who get away with stitches that heal in 6 weeks are the other ones?

Oh yes squizita!

Obviously thinking just the same thing at the same time.

7 years of TTC and ivf has taught me to be a little more understanding in the way I approach people, and not to assume my view is the only view.

I try to admire those who do breeze through it, and sympathise with those who struggle.

But it takes all sorts!

I also have a friend of the family who visits the house once a week and without fail says "you're huge" every time I answer the door. But that's a whole new thread.

My work are like this, I have early signs of pdf eclampsia, high bp, odema, hypermesis etc and apparently I am fine to work, yes pregnancy isn't a illness but I am Ill, I hate it when my boss says I'm ok