Stressed all the time

[Estrella1]

Hi,
My first post here. I am currently 12 weeks and its very easy and uncomplicated pregnancy so far. The problem is that I have a lot going on in my life now: learning to drive, looking for a new home and moving home to a completely new city is expected anytime in 2-3 month, my job is stressful…So , in other words, I am feeling stressed all the time. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and my heart is racing for no reasons, so that I have to take calming pills to calm down. I don’t drink coffee or any fizzy drinks. I just don’t know what to do. This can’t be good for a baby. Please give me some advice how do I keep my emotions under control and reduce stress!

Life really doesn't sound easy for you at the moment! Congratulations, and hope your relocation goes smoothly. Do you get time to exercise? Just a walk (ideally in sunny countryside/park) will help stress levels. You could also look into ante-natal yoga classes, which will give methods for relieving stress and, when you move, give you a chance to meet other mums-to-be.

Talk to your gp or midwife - but I guess you have done that already if you are on medication? Is there a counseling service you could be referred to?

I am same boat, except at 33 weeks. We have to move eight weeks after the birth to a different country and I start work straight away but there is so much to do and I can't think straight about it any more! There is too much in my head.

Distraction helps me, like walking my dog or trying to get some exercise. Or seeing friends. Also I made a big list of everything that needs doing and gave dh a lot of tasks

Do you have support in rl for the move or others to talk to so it's not all bottled up? Have you been able to speak to mws in the city so you know what you will get and what is available? Maybe although it is very early, you could think about the birth plan and be sure everything is available where you want to go?

Or just talk to us here, we understand :)

First of all, be reassured that "stress" (work, day-to-day life stress etc') cannot hurt your pregnancy.

I always think this is important to remember to prevent a stressed-about-stress cycle or guilt/fear. Basically, try not to worry or feel ashamed of any feelings, including stress/worry itself. Feelings are natural.
This is one of those 'everyone knows' myths from the days when people dealt with stress by having a ciggy or a drink, not sleeping etc'. It all got mixed up into 'never let yourself be stressed when pregnant'. Not to mention when the NHS was 'young' they were trying to get women out of jobs (not enough to go round) and men home from war back in... lots of political stuff goes into 'everyone knows' about childbearing. Stress can affect conception and some women find it makes childbirth harder: but the 9 months in between are going to be stressful at times, it won't hurt baby.
Think about mums with 4 young kids already, or someone carrying a child after several losses, someone with clinical anxiety: different types of stress of course, but it's OK for their pregnancy.

But of course, stress isn't good for YOU as a person! :) The waking up frightened thing sounds like you're feeling out of control. I've had that in the past, it really sucks. :(
If you are in the UK, your midwife can refer you to someone to talk to, with practical non-medicated solutions such as CBT. This is quite normal. It also helps reduce the likelihood of PND. You could also try non-medicated solutions such as yoga, meditation or hypnotherapy (though you may have to pay for these and let them know you are pregnant).

squitza actually too much cortisol can have a negative effect on foetuses and growing babies. Normal day to day stress is usual but excess anxiety or worry can have an impact. It is important for the op to reduce the amount of extra worry or stress not just for her own peace of mind but also to reassure herself about her baby.

I forgot to say that if possible and if you aren't seeing them already, a referral to the perinatal team would be very helpful. Mine have been fantastic.

Thanks to all who answered. I havent actually spoken to my GP and I dont have a dedicated mw (its a joint care between hospital mws and GP). The calming pills I take are herbal like valeriana, etc.
I dont have much support to be honest from my family: my husband is more "get on with it" kind of person and my best friend is going throug a divorce, so its not the time for me and other people I dont want to upset with my problems. I dont exercise , as my GP told me "dont bother now" going to gym.

Living I've done quite a lot of research into this (not random web research, I hasten to add: books and proper medical reading) as I have clinical anxiety and a history of pregnancy loss - so a stress-free pregnancy was highly unlikely impossible. Cortisol is released at peak moments of high stress, and the risks related to day-to-day stress tend to be highly exaggerated (even women with extremely high clinical stress and anxiety do not present as a physical risk in terms of outcomes, for example).
My 'real life' advice - which I rely on more than my reading TBH - was got from Lesley Regan's miscarriage clinic at St Marys, plus advice from their high-risk pregnancy team and perinatal psychology team. Perhaps they are sugar-coating the situation (although this really, really isn't their style: some women find their matter-of-factness about risk distressing).
Something I am very aware of is that medical professionals are advised not to focus on stress as a 'problem', as it tends to increase maternal anxiety.

Estrella I would take care with Valerian etc' -herbal medicines are medicines and do have side effects. I've also used valerian in the past to aid sleep and on mine it mentions liver function (of which women have a small risk in pregnancy, hence it might not be a good idea to take it).
If you would like medication there are some which are considered safe to use in pregnancy, speak to your midwife or GP.

I was stressed to this level when pregnant with my boy. I woke up all hours of the night in a cold sweat, heart racing, felt sick. I was being bullied In work. Then I quit, then our landlord kicked us out, I got married and fell out with my MIL big time.

My little boy is so sweet and well behaved and really clever. it had no effect on him whatsoever. It wont do you any good though x

BTW I am not talking about it 'being OK to have poor mental health when pregnant' of course I'm not! But the media really does present an exaggerated, frightening picture to pregnant women.
This is an example of how the Mail etc' exaggerate ... here the NHS 'debunked' a non-peer-reviewed survey about stress caused by your house blowing away in a hurricane. It was presented as purely about maternal stress. So 'bad day at work in the UK' v 'house blown away'. No comparison:
www.nhs.uk/news/2012/07July/Pages/stresssful-events-in-pregnancy-and-birth-problems-meconium-aspiration-syndrome.aspx

The major risk to mother and child tends to be unmanaged stress over a longer period of time. This causes:
-more challenging births for some women resulting in risks for the child and mother.
-A higher risk of PNA and PND for the mother (which is linked to behaviour issues or MH issues for the child in later life if not recognised and treated). Some NHS studies do mention stress but also the socio-economic issues of the mother and coping strategies (i.e. if she is on a low income/poor housing/diet, struggling with domestic violence, smoking, history of MC or ADHD... these could also skew the data. Women without so many issues tend to have less stress on a large scale).

So the stress needs to be recognised, monitored and the mother needs support. But the stress will damage my baby... I am stressed about being stressed cycle is one which must be avoided.

Sorry to drip - just from memory, an abstract here where it is emphasised that the environmental causes of the stress need more study; without it we cannot simply say 'stress causes problems' (as it may be the source of the stress) as 2 of the studies tried to do:
link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10995-013-1233-x
Here's one which I just found, fascinating in that it suggests your optimism level when not stressed pregnant is as important as anything in the relationship between stress/PND (I find this very interesting as before my losses and in spite of my anxiety issues, my psych finds me very resilient and practical): beta.scie-socialcareonline.org.uk/predicting-postpartum-depressive-symptoms-in-new-mothers-the-role-of-optimism-and-stress-frequency-during-pregnancy/r/a1CG0000000GalwMAC

And finally here is a really nice practical guide for dealing with daily stresses. Not a boring abstract/research doc but something useful :)
www.babycentre.co.uk/a552044/10-ways-to-survive-stress-in-pregnancy

I too feel this way all the time, can't switch off the worry at all, had a recent bereavement, followed by some distressing knock on effects & now a huge amount of pressure at work with no one to confide in, friends have disappeared since I became pregnant, it's just a none stop barrage of woes!! I recently bought a hypnotherapy cd set off amazon & the first time I listened to it I fell asleep! I know it's not going to take the stress away, but felt good to relax for all of 20 mins!

Another one who would be wary of valerian. Just because its a herb does not make it safe in pregnancy.