feeling depressed in late pregnancy (36wks)

[lazysleepymummy]

I've been on mumsnet a long time but this is the first time I decided to post. I just don't really know where else to turn to. This is my second pregnancy. Last time around I remember feeling increasingly depressed in the late stage, particularly since I was about a week over due, I was going out of my mind in the last week or so. I blamed boredom for the depressed moods (I don't say depression because while I felt really low I never went to the GP or anything to get diagnosed). And I thought this time with a very active toddler (2.5yrs) I would not have the same problem.

But I'm proven wrong. I've been feeling really down, teary all the time and today really hitting a new low. I don't have any obvious stressors - supportive husband, stable finances, good friends etc. I guess the only thing is that I've cut off contacts with my parents about a year ago. My in-laws spoke to them without me knowing so they know about the pregnancy. I've always had a troubled relationship with my parents and it was a really difficult decision to cut off contacts. I feel like at such a time as the birth, I both wish my mother could be by my side, but also know that she would not be able to give me the emotional support I need. (for last birth, my mum didn't bother to come and help out at all. They came to visit for two weeks when DD1 was 5 months, and locked themselves out of the house while I was out once among other things. They were completely useless in helping and only added stress). While I feel like cutting off contacts with my parents is the only way I could protect my own sanity and protect my children as well, I can't help but feeling really sad that I never did and never will have the mother I wish I had.

I guess the pregnancy and impending birth triggers a lot of those complicated feelings. Maybe that's why I'm feeling really upset.

I feel like perhaps it's time to mention it to my midwife. Anyway thanks to anyone who actually read everything I wrote. I feel better just being able to put some thoughts and feelings down.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I think it's definitely worth mentioning to your midwife.

I'm so sorry your parents aren't supportive, especially your mum. I think it is really natural to want your mother's support when your due date is approaching. How is your relationship with your MIL? Know it's not the same but is she supportive?

You can't change your mum but I bet you are/will be a lovely mum to your DC. They are very lucky.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder thank you for your reply. Nice to know someone out there has read my post. My MIL is not too bad and she was around for the first two weeks for the birth for DD1 which was a lovely time. Unfortunately they live in Australia so it's not the same and we don't get to see them a lot.

Will definitely mention to midwife, and also thinking about getting a doula for the early days to give myself some support so I can be there for my children.

Thanks again

I think a doula is a great idea. I will definitely consider one next time. I think it's really sensible.

I was reading (in a Gowri Motha book, I think) that in some cultures it is considered a great honour to 'mother the mother' and prepare special food for her, make sure she rests, give her massages etc. I think we could learn from this in the West!

I hope you are taking care of yourself (well, as much as you can with a toddler) and your DH is on board.

I think it's well worth speaking to your midwife. pretty hard task to look after a 2.5y.o while heavily pregnant, never mind whilst feeling so low.

I hope you accept as much rl support as possible- and even by your post you can tell how much you care about your dc.

I would agree with what other people have said.

But if you are struggling to sleep at night, bear in mind that weeks of sleep deprivation can do terrible things to your mood. I am 38 weeks and today I nearly burst into tears when I realised I had left a small purchase (£5) on the counter in a shop whilst shopping. My mood was all over the place at this stage with DD2 as well. And I suddenly twigged when I randomly slept well one night what part of the cause was.

You obviously have deeper and more complex issues going on as well, but it's also possible that the sheer physical demands of late pregnancy are contributing.

Do talk to your mw about support as well though. I'm not saying this to make light of what you're going through and mental health should always be taken seriously.