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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Surprise baby shower...

24 replies

gemmal88 · 04/04/2014 17:09

I've just found out that I'm being thrown a 'surprise' baby shower this weekend and I'm dreading it. OH had said a couple of months ago that a few of my friends were talking about having lunch and had asked me, I said maybe. This morning I told him I wasn't bothered about going, I'm 36 weeks gone and to be honest enjoying my own company, I hate talking about being pregnant, I'm sick of people guessing the baby's sex, I'm fed up of the 'not long now's and the 'God aren't you huge's . Then he tells me that they've actually planned this baby shower, sent invitations and everything. I hate everything about baby showers, they're so grabby and cheesy.

I know it sounds ungrateful but I HATE this kind of thing, I've no idea why he told them it would be something I would like. I'm not girly and to be honest don't enjoy being in big groups of women, I'm going to have to sit and watch them all get pissed and talk pregnant and babies all afternoon - repeating myself again and again and smiling when they ask stupid questions or make stupid comments. Plus I'll have my 4 year old with me as OH is working.

Is there any way I can get out of this without causing offence? I'm literally dreading it.

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LucyB1 · 04/04/2014 17:28

Say your ill. Can't argue with that!

PenguinsEatSpinach · 04/04/2014 17:29

Oooh, awkward. But no, I doubt that there is any way you can get out of it without causing offence. Probably the best bet is to put in a decent amount of time and then head home pleading exhaustion?

I would hate this too, so I feel for you. Plan some other conversation topics and forcibly inject them all afternoon long - Crimea, lighthearted stuff like that

SirChenjin · 04/04/2014 17:32

You poor thing - I can't think of anything worse than having a baby shower thrust upon you (well, obviously I can - black plague, ebola, that type of thing...) - but in terms of what you can do, I suppose it depends on what your friends are like? Will they do the whole cheesy games/presents type thing, or will they look on it as a more a 'coffee, cakes and a chat'?

Thurlow · 04/04/2014 17:32

I had a surprise shower thrown for me. I remember when everyone started walking through my door that I thought "Jesus, no, I don't need this" and wasn't really in the right mood for it. But it turned out to be lovely. And we didn't play any baby shower games, so maybe not everyone does? I think the only game we played was guessing photos of my friends as babies.

EyelinerQueen · 04/04/2014 17:35

You poor thing. That is my idea of actual hell.

Either politely but firmly tell them to cancel it or pull a sickie on the day.

You'll probably get people on here telling you to suck it up and go because it's already been organised but fuck that. You didn't ask them to. They shouldn't have taken it upon themselves to decide you would want such a hideously tacky and grabby event.

Can you tell I don't like baby showers?

Original poster

gemmal88 · 04/04/2014 20:37

Phew, I was expecting a tyrade of abuse about how much of an ungrateful bitch I am!

Hopefully it will turn out to be quite low key. As for games, I'm not sure... I know we're having lunch and I'll try and keep away from baby related conversation.

I'm so glad that I did actually find out about it with at least a day or so notice, it would have taken a bit of time for my brain to tell my face that I was supposed to be happy surprised when I got there if I'd have gone at all.

It's going to be so cringy...

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 04/04/2014 20:42

Have you practised your 'this is so GREAT, you're all so FANTASTIC' smile?

SomethingOnce · 04/04/2014 20:56

I agree that baby showers feel grabby and I'd probably be dreading it if it were me, for similar reasons.

However, I think you have to accept your friends' kind gesture with good grace. And as my mum would say, "You'll enjoy it when you get there."

alita7 · 04/04/2014 21:49

Hmmm I wouldn't know what to do. I would want to say no. But then they'll have made a lot of effort and they'll think you're ungrateful and it could affect your friendships :/ but at 36 weeks pregnant you have the right to do whatever the hell you want. With any luck you'll go into labour and miss it ;) other option is to ring on the day and say you're terribly upset and sorry but you think you're having labour pains and are going to the hospital? white lies :p

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2014 08:58

I'm not very superstitious but I'd feel uncomfortable about fabricating labour pains or any other complications. I do think you should try and go with your happy face. It might not be exactly what you want, but it is nice that your friends wanted to organise something for you.

nyldn · 05/04/2014 12:25

I understand not wanting one, but try not to think of it as grabby - you didn't plan it yourself! Your friends love you and want to treat you to a special day to celebrate. They maybe should've know this type of thing was not for you, but I'm sure it will be a nice day and you'll have lovely memories from it. There will be more harm done by trying to get out of it.

Original poster

gemmal88 · 05/04/2014 20:16

SomethingOnce it's funny you should mention it, that's exactly what my Mum said!

I've had a while for it to sink in and I'm just going to go and paint on a smile. I can always leave early I guess!

Shall let you know how it goes...

OP posts:

JustDanni · 05/04/2014 20:45

I would try to stay positive. Although you might not be feeling up to it, remember that they are just trying to do something nice for you and mean well.
Good news is that baby showers can be only a few hours long and not an all day and night event.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 05/04/2014 21:40

Stay positive and enjoy the presents! It's not you bring grabby if others have organised for you.
I was thrown a baby shower courtesy of my sister. As another family member due a few months before me had one, my sister probably thought she should follow suit. I felt a bit awkward about it but it was actually fine. I didn't stay too late (said I was tired which at 8 months pregnant everyone accepted without question) and got some lovely gifts.
Go for it with an open mind, it may not be as bad as you think!

FrumiousBandersnatch · 05/04/2014 22:33

You have my sympathies. I took some very close friends and my sister aside and told them very firmly that I would be mortified and furious if anyone tried to throw a shower for me. Awful, awful. Hopefully you will get plenty of nice out of it.

SomethingOnce · 05/04/2014 23:10

Standard mum-type thing to say, I suppose! I daresay we'll find ourselves saying the same to our own reluctant children

Jemimapuddlemuck · 05/04/2014 23:16

You should grin and bear it I think, a couple of hours feeling a bit awkward is worth it to avoid upsetting your friends who clearly care a lot about you (although perhaps don't know you as well as they might!).

weebigmamma · 06/04/2014 01:33

eek! I can totally sympathise with being fed up of the obsessive pregnancy chat. It's great having somewhere like this to go when you NEED to talk, but I've been avoiding the school gates for about a month now because I can't bear that all anyone wants to talk to me about is the baby. I'm still a person with other interests!! And I'd hate a baby shower as well. I think you should go and take frequent trips to the loo for a break and try to latch on to anyone who wants to talk about normal stuff when you're there. Give it an hour and a half and then say you're knackered and need to go home. Good luck! xxx

Original poster

gemmal88 · 06/04/2014 21:01

Well, I have to say I take it all back (well almost all of it).

There wasn't any baby chat, we seemed to stay on other topics, that was quite nice and no one got pissed which was also good.

The games, however, oh the games... Painful.

They chipped in and bought a load of nappies, wipes, baby bath etc. which was really thoughtful and on the whole was actually a nice day.

I was perhaps stressing a bit too much over it all but I'm allowed to with these hormones, right?

OP posts:

weebigmamma · 06/04/2014 21:04

You are! :-D very glad it all worked out!

AlwaysDancing1234 · 06/04/2014 22:03

A bit if freaking out is allowed! Glad it went ok in the end (despite the cheesy games!) now it's all over and done with you can hopefully relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy

SomethingOnce · 07/04/2014 00:01

All's well that ends well (another mum-ism for you!)

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 07/04/2014 19:34

Poor OP! I'm in the same situation, friends forcing one on me, although in my case it's not a surprise, they're just doing it despite me saying I don't want one. I would just say you're exhausted and not feeling well. Nobody can get cross about that, surely? Good luck!

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 07/04/2014 19:35

Apologies OP, posted before I got to the end of the thread, glad it went well!

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