Pregnant whilst at university

[glitterbug4]

I think I may be pregnant but apparently it's too early for me to take a test for sure (or they won't be accurate so would need to do another one at a later date) as we worked out conception would have roughly been a week and a half ago. It started off with feeling sick and having period like cramps but I didn't for one minute think I would be pregnant because we're careful (doubly so usually) but then I had heartburn. So i googled it and it came up that pregnancy symptoms could show that early etc but I was still holding out that it would all be coincidence and I was just being paranoid. Then last night when I went to the toilet I noticed the tiniest splash of blood and as I've read up on implantation bleeding I know it can be small. I'm also still over a week away from my period so I doubt it's that. It's all becoming a bit too many 'coincidences' and I want to have established what I'm going to do before I take a test to try and avoid freaking out.

My situation is that I'm only 19 and I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. He knows about everything and has been amazing throughout and says will support me no matter what I chose. I really want to continue with university because I want a good job, I'm halfway through and I'm doing really well in all my exams and coursework so far. I also have really strict religious parents who will more than likely be disappointed and angry with me and probably won't want a lot to do with me anymore. I don't work at all but my boyfriend does but has a low income.

On the other hand I absolutely love kids and have always wanted them IN THE FUTURE. As much as I love them it's not an ideal time for me right now for multiple reasons. But saying that I don't think I could get rid of it, it's always been something I have been dead against and I don't think it should be punished for my mistakes. I have considered it but I worry that emotionally it would stay with me forever and I'd constantly beat myself up about it with what ifs. Also that it may be painful and awkward. Plus I still live at home so if I'm visibly upset my parents will wonder what is wrong with me. I would also want to get rid of it as soon as possible to try and not think of it as a baby or get attached but I have massive uni exams coming up in the next month and I don't think i would be able to sit them to the best of my ability if going through an abortion and the aftermath.. Also as far as I can establish my university has no nursery or anything where I could put the baby. It would be possible for me to defer a year but there would still be nobody around to look after a one year old once I'm in uni as my boyfriend would have to work all the time to support us.

I'm sorry for the massive rambly post and I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this because I haven't done a test to know for sure yet. However, my minds like a whirlwind and I can't go to any of my friends because if it's nothing then I don't want to kick up a fuss and if I am pregnant then I don't want anyone to know until I'm sure what I want to do.

Please don't post any unhelpful, negative feedback because it's really not helpful.

Thanks in advance x

Ok, I tend to go with 'there's no point worrying about things you can't change'. You either are or aren't pregnant and nothing you do now will change that either way. I think you need to wait & see if you are actually pregnant before making big plans. Even if you do make a decision now if may well change either way in light of a positive test.
You're uni will have a nursery & usually other grants & help. If you do get a positive make an appt with student welfare & they'll point you in the right direction. I know several people who had baby's whilst at uni, they just took a bit longer to finish.

Hi. I didn't want to just read and run. I think until you actually find out if you're getting a positive result then you should try and relax. Maybe it is your body coping with the stress of uni/exams and now this which is making you not feel yourself. If you do get a positive then you need to decide what you want to do. You won't show straight away and if you do get morning sickness you could maybe say you had a bug or something. Is there anyone at uni you could speak to in confidence, such as a lecturer or a health visitor etc (sorry, I've not been to uni so don't know what they offer), rather than your friends, especially if you don't want everyone to know about it (because somebody always blabs to someone else....). You will deal with this in your own way - take each day at a time, and, I know it's easy for me to say, try not to worry - that could delay your period too. Sorry if I'm not much help, just wanted to try and be rational for you. x

I'm in the first year of my second degree, and am pregnant with my second (planned) baby! I'm due next week, and although some bits have been a struggle, the uni have been supportive and flexible. I have just started my maternity leave and will return full time in September, so will not miss an academic year. I've been really lucky timing wise, but know other people who have taken a year out and returned to their studies.

Don't be pushed into making the wrong decision for you, just because of circumstance. If you want it all, and have motivation and support, it's all there for the taking.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.x

I know that this is a really stressful time for you, and there must be an urge to think it all through right now (I'm a bit like that with big issues too), but honestly I think you just need to put it all on the backburner until you can do a test. All those tiny things could be symptoms, but they could be nothing. Try and wait until you can do a test. If it is positive, come back here and there are some wonderful people who can support you as you think about your options and the practicalities of those options.

I know people who've been in your situation, wait for the test, if positive, see uni tutor and uni counselling service and ask about what help is available with childcare costs/grants/year out if you go ahead. They may not have a nursery but there may be bursaries. You have to also consider the ongoing childcare costs too. Either way, your tutor should be told if pg as whatever you do it'll affect you this year academically. Good luck.

It would be VERY unusual to have pregnancy symptoms a week before your period is due, your body won't have even began to release the pg hormone (hence why a pg test won't be positive) so without that hcg hormone you will not and cannot have symptoms (despite what mums on parenting forums claim)
Any symptoms that you do have are either stress, post ovulation symptoms or pre menstrual.

If you've been very careful then it is very unlikely that you're pregnant.

Test next week with a First response test and if it is positive, follow the advice above.

Good luck X

Thank you so much for all your helpful comments! It's really reassuring to hear that it's likely that it is all just coincidences! I did think myself that it would be too early for the hormone to be released so I wouldn't have side effects yet.

It's reassuring to hear that uni and having a baby can be done because I'm more keen on keeping it if it turns out to actually be a baby. I definitely will speak to a tutor after I've done a test if it comes up with anything but definitely waiting until I've done a test for that.

My biggest concern alongside uni though is that if I am I'm not sure how I'll break it to my parents. I know they'll be really disappointed because of they're Christian and obviously because it's not an ideal situation to have a baby in. I know I'm their daughter so they'll obviously always love me but I'm not sure I want them to feel ashamed and disappointed in me and still have no idea how I'd tell them!

and 'somanyillustrations' - thank you for saying the bit about the wrong decision for me because of the circumstances'. That's really why I don't want to have an abortion because I know that even at 19 if I was working and didn't have to worry about my parents reaction, I'd be over the moon! Good luck with the birth!

It really helps reading reassuring comments to remind myself to think rationally that it could still be nothing!

Thank you again x

Hello glitterbug. There's some really useful advice from other M-netters above. As has already been stated, your University will be able to help if you are pregnant. As for your parents, I'm sure that they will be able to understand that these things happen. If you've always been careful, then you could argue that 'it was meant to be'...And I'm sure that they wouldn't advocate you 'getting rid of it'. At the end of the day, it's your choice. I can understand how anxious you must feel, I'm 30 and still worry about what my parents will think and say...but you are an adult and you have to do what's right for you.

On the other hand, it may be that you are not pregnant. Early pregnancy symptoms are very similar to PMT/Ovulation symptoms and people don't tend to get heartburn until much later in pregnancy. It's far more likely that you've been stressing out and that's what's led to all of the symptoms that you're experiencing. Sometimes you get a bit of bleeding when you ovulate...it could be that the last time you had sex, you experienced a little tear, or it might be that the blood actually came from your bottom...So don't worry. With all the worrying that you've been doing, your period will probably be late (trust me, when I was at Uni, I experienced the same thing), do a test on the day your period is due, but try to relax and chill out until then.

Xx

Thank you :-). They definitely wouldn't want me to abort it either as that's against what they believe in too. So at least I can be like I've made a mistake but I'm owning up to it and dealing with it. I was careful just previously we always relied on two things and not just the pill and I've definitely taken it right - not missed any, not been sick/diarrhoea etc.

I'll try my best to relax and hopefully it's just exam stress causing the symptoms xx

I once heard someone say and were the perfect example of good Christian parents, because of the way that they'd supported their DD through the birth of her child at 17.

Although your parents will be disappointed - partly because they wanted a different life for you at this age, I am sure they will ultimately support you.

Hope your worries are for nothing.