Hurt by Sils baby shower

[laurabez]

My Sil is having her baby shower on the same day as my daughters 3rd birthday party. My Mil is chosing to go to the shower rather than her only grandchilds party and I am hurt. My own mother died when I was a teenager so my daughter only has one grandmother. My Mil is not able to be there on my daughters actual birthday 3 days before as she is away working. My Husband and I have asked if the shower can be moved as my Sil will still have 1 month before she is due to have one but this has not been done, and nothing has been mentioned since (there is a general feeling of things being swept under the carpet despite neither my husband or myself being happy). I admit I'm not a fan of the baby shower concept as I feel its a grabby American tradition we can do without and did not/would not have one myself. Am I wrong to feel that my Mil and Sil are putting an un british concept of celebrating an unborn baby's arrival before the birthday of a 3 year old? I too am expecting another baby but am only in 2nd trimester, however I would never put any unborn baby celebrations before any of my nieces, nephew or friends childrens birthdays. How can I resolve this without it turning into a family conflict, or should I just not care?

Your MIL isn't choosing between her grandchildren, she's being their for her own daughter who is having a baby. Your dd will have lots of birthdays, SIL will only have one baby shower (well she might have more but you know what I mean, lol)

Your dd won't even notice.

I'd be more mad that I couldn't go to the baby shower myself!!

Giggling at ohbyethen. "said no child ever"

Why on earth should sil friends
Consider the niece???

I was always under the impression children fitted in with life not the other way round!!

Sounds like your jealous and your nose is put out! Your dd may be the eldest grandchild but you and her both going to have to learn to share granny

Some of these messages are quite aggressive. No need really.

Op, I feel for you. I think (though may be wrong) that there are a number of issues at play here. Your MiL and SiL sidelining your dd's party, the baby shower becoming their focus - and this not your dd being the only grandchild and the fact that your MiL is the only remaining grandmother. Lots of mixed emotions. It is just a 3 year old's party but I understand you want family there to celebrate with you, it's kinda the first birthday that the little ones really begin to understand what's going on. Maybe there has been a lapse in communication somewhere along the line and perhaps your MiL now feels stuck in the middle. I'm sure she loves your little girl but it's her own daughter's day too. All be grown up about it and arrange a mutual family celebration for another day. I hope it works out x

I didn't realise a baby shower was organised by the mum-to-be's friends. I thought SIL would have organised the date herself. I can see it would be impossible to co-ordinate if the former is the case.

I have never been to a baby shower and see them as non-essential, but I can see other people have other views.

I reckon you are getting a specific kind of response because youv'e posted in the pregnancy topic where there is perhaps a bias towards the baby shower concept!

I have to disagree with the majority of people on here and say I'm completely with you. Your sister in law could have chosen any date in 9 months to have her baby shower so why this particular one? And if her friends organised it then she should have said that it's her nieces birthday. I think it's incredibly selfish because not only does it stop her seeing your dd on her birthday but it also stops ur mother in law too and any other family too. I think that she's the one who is feeling jealous and insecure and trying to prove a point that her child comes before yours. I would never ever treat my niece like that and wouldn't expect my SIL too either. I would not change the date of the party and I would not throw a seperate party either. Have them round when it's convent for you so they can see your dd but I would tell them ur disappointed as not only will they miss dd's birthday but u will also miss her baby shower.

Oh please. It's a date where presumably her closest friends could attend. My DS is 3 and honestly he wouldn't have cared if GPs didn't come - he'd only notice if I made it an issue. And seriously don't even mention this to MIL - she's supporting her daughter and attending an event for her own child (which trumps gc IMO).

As I understand it from the OP, the birthday party is not on OP's DD's actual birthday, but is three days later.

It is entirely possible therefore that SIL did not realise this date would be an issue, and like others have said, it is very likely that SIL did not set the date of her own shower.

OP - I understand it is disappointing, but I doubt your DD will notice MIL's absence (especially if there are lots of people there). Can you compromise by having a seperate special birthday tea with MIL at another time?

Your MIL is in a very difficult position!

I didn't realise that the childs birthday party wasn't on the childs birthday, I just assumed that it was! This might be a slightly different situation then, if her SIL did know the date of the party before her baby shower was planned then it was a horrible thing to do, however, if she didn't then obviously she isn't at any fault.