Just found out I'm pregant HELP ADVICE NEEDED

[Cakehan]

Hi
I'm new to this - I've just today found out I'm pregnant
I'm nearly 21 and I finish my university degree in 5 weeks.
I've been with my boyfriend 4 years and last June we bought a 1 bed flat together.
I don't know what to do- I can't really afford a baby and I'm terrified I'll just be letting it down is I feel like I need it have an abortion
But then I think is not having all the money in the world a valid reason to abort a baby?
I really need advice on this - I just want to hear other peoples stories and I'd love to hear from people who raised a baby in a flat? Or do you think we would have to sell before it was born? Also how much of a struggle was it? I work part time in a pub but the plan was to finish my degree and get a full time Job - so would I now have to go on benefits? My partner works full time as an electrician
Any help would be appreciated xx

I had an abortion when I unexpectedly got pregnant with a baby we couldn't afford. We worked things out and saw that I wouldn't be entitled to maternity pay from work (any the government's maternity pay is a pittance) or any benefits at all, and my partner's wage alone wouldn't even cover rent + bills - but we had no other option of anywhere to live or any way to cut down on costs. I was incredibly stressed about the whole situation and neither of us could see how it was ever going to work. I had the abortion. It wasn't much fun and I felt crap aferwards whilst the hormone crash was going on, but since then I know it's the only thing I could've done. I don't regret it now and I believe we did the right thing.

I'm 20, I'm in my second year of nursing and I'm 8 weeks tomorrow. we're not In a great financial situation either but we'll manage I'm cutting back on everything and saving money so we can get what we need. hopefully ill breastfeed to save on milk (and as it'd heslthier) and honestly there's so many decent looking bits on ebay! you could kit out your baby for £100 if you wanted!

We live in a two bedroom flat with my step daughter but it's covered in mould :( so want to out before baby which will be hard as the contract ends a week before I'm due hopefully we can arrange something with the landlord!

If you want this baby you'll manage :) if you don't there's no shame in aborting but make sure you can deal with it psychologically first.

Hi everyone just wanted to give you all an update!
Had my appointment with the midwife - she sent off for a booking appt, talked me through a lot and I felt a hundred times better. I got straight home and told my partner and e was happy! I couldn't believe it! I felt so stupid! He works in the NHS so luckily his pay band goes up in 2 weeks so as soon as I finish my exams I'm going to get more hours at the pub and I didn't mention before that I bake cakes and have my own cake business so I'm just going to try take more orders and make it more popular! ...I'm quite excited now! Goings to wait till after my booking appt to tell my parents!

Brilliant cake! So glad your mw was reassuring and your partner is being supportive. There is always something to panic about when you're pregnant, planned or unplanned, and whatever age you are and wherever you live. Your baby will be loved, that's what matters (and will grow up surrounded by baking smells, bonus!) welcome to the start of a new adventure xxx

Awww that's fantastic, OP Glad you're feeling better about things. Onwards and upwards!

congratulations Cake! It will be a blast!!

Just take some time and talk things through with your partner, sounds like you would have a excellent support network around you, maybe you could spend the first few years doing some temp work to gain experiance there is no reason at all why you can't be a excellent parent and build a good life for you and your family. On the other hand if you really don't want a baby right now then that is also your choice and you won't be wrong to abort!

My sister had her children at 16 and 18, she struggled for years as a single parent on benefit but got herself back into college re trained and by the age of 28 she was the manager of a very posh beauty salon in surrey!

Please don't worry about the expensive prams etc, babies don't need them, I'm pregnant with my 4th (huge surprise thought I had finished with babies 7 years ago) and I can't believe the price of these prams on the market, I could by a car for less! I'm getting myself the lovely Mothercare expedia £250 all in for everything including car seat

Sorry didn't read whole post I see you have made your decision, huge congrats on your pregnancy I'm sure you will do just fine x

wow congratulations cake! FWIW there is a big part of me that wishes I'd had my kids in my 20's. Much as I adore them, wouldn't change them for the world, I can't help but feel my career would actually have suffered less, and we'd all be financially better off now, if I'd had them a decade earlier.

They honestly don't need a lot of stuff when they're tiny. They need you, your boobs, a safe place to hopefully sleep if and when they decide to do that, and all the love in your heart.

Cake just read this thread and wanted to say congrats

I am 23 and had my dd 14 weeks ago and she is an angel. We were so unsure at the start as DP had just lost his job and is doing a degree and I don't have the best paying job. We lived in a city centre flat but have moved to a 2 bed house now, and I haven't even bothered to set up a nursery. The second room is totally unused as DD is just in with us, so it's definitely do-able. We didn't even really need to move now I think about it. You'll get loads of gifts and there's not much you need for a baby! I'm glad you're both really happy about it It's the best thing that will ever happen to you!

Please dont let your age scare you.
Im 22 and im pregnant with my 3rd (unplanned pregnancy other 2 were planned)
I had my 1st at 18!
Yoursituation is different to mine but there are similarities
we arent loaded but have family who can help
Currently theres 4 in one room as baby

I had mine at 19, 21 and 23 (now 24).

Had to leave uni twice (first time studying criminology).

I can honestly say that my life is MUCH better now. Good luck x

Sorry
4 in a room as eldest has sn and needs help in the nightand ds2 has bad asthma and is still a baby
we've just bought bunk beds and that will help more.
Sounds like you want the baby but your scared about coping.

I have 1 child who is ill a lot and 1 who is also ill but he doesn't have sn and im ill when im pg and after delivery but we get through it

Glad to hear that Cake, great news :) x

Congratulations , I posted earlier so happy for you

Congratulations!

I had my first ds when I was 23, at uni doing a a PhD. We had no money, dh was in a graduate job on £12k and we were renting a flat miles from family. We managed and moved into the house we bought and did up at 38 weeks. Our nursery was lovely, I made lots of it myself, painted old furniture etc. When ds was born we had the happiest time. It was hard work but I am so pleased we had him when we did. Money felt like an issue at the time but now I think we were actually very lucky as we had no adjusting to lower incomes to consider.

We now have 3 dcs and our eldest is now 10. Financially things are miles away from those early years and we are enjoying them growing up and are starting to really reap the benefits of having our children when we were young.

cakehan! I was 17 when I found out I was preg very young, no money and very childish! me and my BF at the time had only been together for 9months
I live in a 1 bed flat with my husband and now 2 children, it is a tight squeeze but it is very cosy, all i am going to say is that there are women who would die for what you have (or will have lol)! i have had 3 miscarriage and i have just TODAY found out i am pregnant,, so if i have a successful pregnancy just think i will have 3 babies and a husband in a 1 BED FLAT!! so please really think about what YOU and your PARTNER wants, its not that bad, just please have a long hard think :)
All the best Emmaxx

Congratulations, Cake! Families come in so many different shapes and sizes and you will be fine :-)

Congrats, Cake! I got unexpectedly pregnant at 24 and was knocked for six, completely.

We just...muddled through. DS will be 7 this summer and he (and our baby DD) are everything in the world to us. :)