uncaring OH

[puggywug81]

Shamelessly looking for some sympathy. I am 37+5 weeks, my OH is a terrible horder and not one for cleaning. I have been beginning him to sort his clutter out for months. A few times he has started then instigated a row and stopped. Today I git him to agree that we would have a nice day out if he at least sorted out the living room when we got back. He spent 20mins shifting stuff from 1 side of the room to the other then started messing about on FB. I snapped that he could do that when he finished tidying. We had a massive row, now I'm upstairs crying and he is downstairs not tidying up as usual. I'm at my wits end. Sympathy please!

That sounds really stressful, feel v.sorry for you :( :(
Hoarding can be a mental health disorder can't it? do you think he might need help if he can't do it by himself?

Tell him that either he sorts it or you will chuck the lot and bin it all!

You have my sympathy, clutter would drive me crackers at this point (I'm 37+5) and I've already chucked several bin bags worth in the last week or so alone!

I tried that, all i got in response was do what you want, I wish you weren't pregnant so I could throw something at you!

Oh Puggy what an arse! It sounds like his hoarding is the least of your worries, does he often speak to you like that? Totally unacceptable way to be talking to you.

He does when we argue but he is only verbally nasty, he is great in lots of other ways.

Would he mind if you sorted binned the clutter? If he's not going to you will style? If it annoys you and he's not going to do anything that's what I would be tempted to do?

Chuck his stuff into bin bags. Get someone else to help you if necessary. Maybe do it when he is out? Then put the bin bags somewhere dry like a shed or attic so they are out of the way. If the stuff is that important to him at least it won't be destroyed and it will be out of your sight.

My father does this to my mum. I think she gave up caring sometime in the 80s.

You poor thing. Can you just put it all in black bags for him to sort ?

Thanks ladies, I think I will just bag it all up.

yes bag it up. DH is a hoarder. I give him several chances to sort it out himself, if he doesn't, I do it. Get another family member over for moral support/help it go faster? Important to feel in control going into having the baby. Tell him to take himself off for the day so he's not stressed by being there. He's not very mature...

Thanks for the advice ladies, i think I'm more upset by the fact that he just doesn't seem to care how upset and stressed he is making me. He's still not talking to me and I'm sick of always being the one to back down and apologise.

Thanks for the advice ladies, i think I'm more upset by the fact that he just doesn't seem to care how upset and stressed he is making me. He's still not talking to me and I'm sick of always being the one to back down and apologise.

You may want to post on relationships puggy, he sounds like he's being a right pain and there is lots of support on there. Can you get away for a few days to relax at your mums or something?

Thanks Jess, it's my own fault though, he has always been a bit like this, and I have always put up with it - we've been together for 15 years. It's just that now I'm pregnant I need him to grow up a bit.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Better to get your expectations of him clear now.