Excuse typos using iPhone.
I am 8 weeks PG. Expecting 2nd child although 4th pregnancy following a few MCs.
After TTC for nine months I decided I wanted to stop due to emotions and deciding I was now happy with the way things were and that life was easier now DS is older (4.6) I decided I would foster later on in life. Of course this is when I find out I'm Pregnant.
I surprised myself by feeling extremely down for about a week after PT. I could not get out of bed, see any light through this , or stop crying. I even considered not having the baby I felt that low. One evening however I was lying on DPs chest and could hear his heartbeat. This reminded me that there was a living being growing inside of me with a beating heart of it's own. I decided I needed to adjust to the change and look at the positives of the situation. I've felt a little better and I definately want the pregnancy.
But I keep going into 'phases' of panic? I'm not sure how to explain it. I am so scared of losing the baby, I am so scared of life with a newborn, I am worried about how I will cope with either outcome which is making me feel very confused. Last night I argued with my DP over domestic stuff and started to panic that I was stressed this led me to cry, which I felt even more guilty about but no matter how much I tried to stop I just kept breaking down. I cried from 4pm until 10pm on and off.
This morning I had a lot of stress with my landlord etc. I had what I think to be my first panic attack, I just could not breathe properly. I have cried all day. Then whilst cleaning the top of the fridge ready for it to be taken away I fell off of a chair. I again panicked and could not stop crying.
I've asked my DP to be patient with me as I am definately not feeling myself but he says he feels like he is walking on eggshells and I am bringing him down. I keep trying to lift myself out of this stress-cry-panic-guilt cycle but I just cannot shift it.
I am going to go in for an early scan post fall on Wednesday. I am hoping this makes me feel better. My first MC was missed, this is my worst fear I do not one to go for my twelve weeks excited to find baby has died. I feel like a completely different person now to pre pregnancy me. I don't want to go out ive lost my appetite and I am just feeling - odd. I haven't felt like this in any of my other pregnanciEs.
I know I will probably find this difficult until I reach twelve weeks but I am just looking for some advice of how to stop being like this, it is not good for me, baby, DP or DS. I feel embarrassed that I cannot just snap out of it.