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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Worried that I secretly would quite like a girl...

47 replies

SuzanneSays · 01/03/2014 19:43

This is my first pregnancy after many years of infertility and am over the moon (though exhausted). Whenever anyone asks if it's a boy or a girl my stock response is 'oh, we want a surprise, after all we've been through will be happy with either', but secretly I would quite like a girl and am getting worried I will find it hard to bond if it's a boy. Am I being ridiculous/an awful person???

OP posts:

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Mumto3dc · 02/03/2014 07:47

Well I understand how you feel, I had a def preference for a girl with dc1 and had a boy. I can honestly say that once I had him I never gave it a second thought.

I now have 3 dc and ime gender preference is something I only ever gave head time to when I was pregnant. Once the baby is there they are a real person, your child, and their gender is irrelevant to how you feel about them.

Don't panic, I think these feelings are normal but don't think they'll colour your relationship with your son if you have one.

weebairn · 02/03/2014 07:58

I am very un-girly, and grew up with brothers, and I always wanted a boy, or several boys, and I have one girl and I expect this one will be a girl too!

it's ok, you still love them stupid amounts. I also wanted my child to have a huge black fringe, and she is all short haired and blonde, which is very confusing with my gene pool. I think it's ok to have these superficial preferences and laugh about them. I couldn't imagine any boy being as wonderful as my crazy boisterous little girl. She is only interested in football and building and trains currently so maybe she picked something up subconsciously

perfectview · 02/03/2014 08:16

First pregnancy I really wanted a boy and everyone was convinced I was having a boy, not that I said anything. It got to a point where I started feeling sorry for the bump if it wasn't a boy!

Fast forward and DD1 is born and my first feeling was huge excitement I had a little girl! 180 degree turn around in a split second.

pilotsprincess · 02/03/2014 09:08

I'm feeling the same so your not alone.
I have a dd and now pg with number 2. I have a sister only, I'm very close to her and I really want my dd to have the same bond.
I'm sure the hormones aren't helping and I'll be fine with either.
I'm planning on finding out the sex anyway so I can get used to the idea!

Writerwannabe83 · 02/03/2014 09:11

I was lucky in that I wasn't fussed at all - my DH on the other hand was really keen on having a little boy!! For some reason I was convinced I was having a girl (based on nothing) and was worried how my DH would react if that was the case.

Thankfully our gender scan at 16 weeks showed a definite boy so it isn't a bridge we've had to cross

He's arriving in less than 3 weeks and I can't wait to meet him and I can 't even imagine having a daughter now!!

MummytoMog · 02/03/2014 09:18

I really really wanted a girl first time round because there are no girls, at all for over a hundred years, in DH's family. I was convinced I would never have a girl if I had a boy. Anyway we found out at 16 weeks and she was a girl. I had a fairly strong preference for a girl again second time round, and got a boy. I'm glad I found out early again, because it gave me time to get used to the idea. Obviously he is lovely, but it took me a couple of months to really get with the programme of boys. Now we are pregnant with a third, unexpected child. I had thought I would Shettles if we ever had a third, because I do still want another girl, but this is definitely our last one, so going to find out early again so we can make plans, pick a name and work out rooming arrangements etc! I have a certain fatalism that this is another boy, DD is still the only girl in the family. And we used all our good boy names on DS. Oh well.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 02/03/2014 09:19

Dc1 - no preference, didnt find out, got a dd

Dc2 (currently pg) - preferenxe for another girl, unashamedly, as I jnow in the grand picture ill love whatever pops out, but we will be finding out as ill need time to maoe sense of it.

Driveway · 02/03/2014 09:23

I had a mild preference and didn't get what I wanted but it doesn't matter at all and I wouldn't change what I have for the world.

squizita · 02/03/2014 11:37

I am pregnant after multiple losses, on medication to help- so can completely relate to this. FX this one sticks.

Other posters, please I beg of you don't tell OP she is lucky and that her feelings are a problem which could cause issues for her much wanted DC. :( To be fair, only seen one like this... and from all the others I hope OP can see it's a normal thing to go through as far as I can tell.

The guilt is sadly part and parcel for folk like us. We feel (and others feel) we're not 'allowed' to have the wobbles other pregnant women have, and a horrible guilt-voice can come from anything from moaning about sickness (you should be grateful you HCG is high) to missing food (do you want DC less than some pate is that what you're saying?) the very natural secretly hoping for a boy/girl (you'll be ungrateful and not love your child 'enough', get help). Normal less-than-saintly feelings: but they're real feelings and feelings shouldn't just not be felt.

OP, as most people have said and most folk with DCs find, you sound a great lady and I bet you'll love whatever pops out... but every parent imagines their DC as a boy/girl. I'm sure it will be fine.

I've been to see someone about this as they encouraged me to see that they guilt was part of my anxiety (I don't deserve this, it will go wrong again...) and that I am perfectly entitled to feel what I feel... indeed most of the things I mentioned were 100% normal for a pregnant woman and I should embrace them as part of the experience which modern medicine is helping me to have!

GoodnessKnows · 02/03/2014 11:46

Had to laugh. I gym exactly the same. One MUCH loved boy (who is more like me in EVERY way) and three years later, I've been blessed with a wonderful daughter, too.

GoodnessKnows · 02/03/2014 11:46

Felt not 'gym'?!?

Bluestocking · 02/03/2014 11:49

I was terrified of having a boy (I'm one of three girls, went to a girls' school, really didn't know anything about boys) but actually he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sure girls are OK really, but boys ROCK!

Boogles91 · 02/03/2014 12:43

I dont think its bad, i think if younworry too much about bonding though, that will itself make it harder for you to bond. Ive learnt alot how our minds can make things worser for us sometimes. We wanted a likul boy, and we are having one :) but we would love our baby no different if it was a girl :)

ohthegoats · 02/03/2014 12:48

I always wanted boy children, even when I thought I'd not have them at all, I sort of 'knew' I'd have preferred boys to girls. Now I'm pregnant, and I have a really strong feeling it's a girl (have done right from week 3 or so), and so does my partner. Turns out that I don't mind at all.

mrsnec · 02/03/2014 12:55

I understand this. I no dc yet, but I can see my daughter and she has a name. I just can't explain it. I do think as its been such a struggle for us I would be happy with whatever outcome and so I'm thinking I should do the same if I was to have a son, so thinking of a name and trying to visualise him too might help.

beela · 02/03/2014 13:02

I secretly wanted a girl with my first pregnancy. It was a boy. As other people have said, it's the best thing ever, I love the fact that he gets me doing things that I have never done before and probably wouldn't do with a girl.

Dc2 is due in a few weeks and I think I may be secretly hoping for another boy... although a girl would be good too

livingzuid · 02/03/2014 15:56

I wanted a boy. Dh wanted a girl. We are getting a girl and I have no idea what to do with her when she arrives although I know I will love her. It's still freaking me out a bit. But I'm trying to not over think it and in less than 14 weeks I will get to meet her. Can't wait now.

I was glad I found out at the scan otherwise I would have been in a bit of shock!
Am sure no matter what you will love your baby to bits :)

Cariad007 · 02/03/2014 17:13

I really really wanted a girl as I only have nieces and friends with daughters so I felt like I "knew" girls. However I convinced myself I was having a boy and this was confirmed at my 20 week scan. I can't deny that I was upset but after a day or two of moping around I got over it and my son is now ten days old and I love him to bits. We don't plan on having another child so I'll never have that little girl but I honestly don't care as I adore my little baby boy so much.

weebigmamma · 02/03/2014 18:30

I am pregnant with a boy- due in 6 weeks- and I have to say I am quite nervous about having a boy! I am sort of hoping he will be the sensitive type and grow up to be respectful of women and caring etc. lol I think it will all be OK though- deep down I think I'm just scared of having a human in general! People say all sorts of things about boys but they're just people- all different.

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 02/03/2014 18:45

Dc1 - wanted a boy, got a girl.
Dc2 - wanted a boy, got a boy
Dc3 - wanted a girl, got a girl
Dc4 - wanted a boy, got a girl (and she is just the best!)

neversleepagain · 02/03/2014 19:19

I had twins and (secretly) wanted two girls but didn't think that would happen.

We have lovely twins girls and both DP and I are over the moon :)

Spookey80 · 02/03/2014 19:20

Woodrunner I could cry reading your post. I am currently expecting my 3rd dc(I have a girl and a boy already) and I had always wanted a girl. My dd is amazing but what has been so surprising and amazing has been my relationship and strength of feelings I have for my ds. It has been so unexpected and I am sure you will love every minute of your new addition.
Congratulations.

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