12 weeks today - i thought Id be relieved!

[julezboo]

Hiya ladies

I havnt ben around for a while as we have had alot going on at home.

I finally reached 12 weeks today, Ive already had 3 good scans due to previous mc's (5) I already have 1 ds who is 4. I just cant shake the feeling of doom.

I had a heavy bleed at 6 weeks where they found a heamatoma and the magical heartbeat, 2 more scan later the heamatoma is shrinking and about 6 days ago i finally stopped having brown spotting much to my relief. We have a doppler and listen to baby everyday.

Ive woke up this morning to mild cramps which have now gone, TMI i was constipated this morning and the brown spotting came back. I quickly went into a panic because of the cramps and then spotting, put my doppler on and found baby right away.

Im still feeling sick and dizzy most days, I just cant imagine this one ending happily, Im trying to avoid people talking about mc's round 12 weeks or any later because it always makes me think the worst. I know thats kinda selfish and these other people need support but I just cant do it. An old friend emailed me the other day to say his dp had gone for their 12 week scan and there was no baby, it was there first and to be honest we are not in touch very often but I couldnt reply. ouldnt bring myself to.

Its also the EDD of my 3rd Angel today so I know most of this is probably to do with that. Sorry for moaning, i just want to believe this one is going to be ok, yesterday i was looking for nursery bedding, today Im thinking the worst. I havnt got another scan till the 13th and my cons or midwife is refusing to see me till I am 13 weeks, just feeling very "left to go alone with it all"

Any reassurance would be great, and thanks for reading x x x

You poor thing. I am not really qualified to answer you but I read your post and can really feel your anxiety. It used to be bad enough for me when I was pregnant, and I had no fromer miscarriages to worry about.

I can bring a tiny bit of experience to bear though: when I had my fourth, I sudden;y had bleeding at 9 weeks and went into immediate hysterics thinking I had lost my baby. It turned out that what I was actually losing was an undeveloped egg sac - the baby's twin, if you like, and I need to quickly say now that the baby himself went on to be born fine and is now a healthy 3 year old. However, I did continue to have a lot of bleeding from the undeveloped sac for several weeks. The scrap of comfort I was going to offer you was that I was told not to worry about the bleeding as long as it was brown as that indicated old blood, not a fresh bleed. You said your spotting was also brown so perhaps you can tkae comfort from that?

I know that isn't much help, but I do feel for you and have my fingers crossed for you that this baby will be the fighter that survives.

Hi Julezboo,
Just wanted to say I know how you feel I have also just reached the 12 week stage (or will come Saturday) after a m/c in February at 15+2 weeks. It's very hard to deal with, isn't it? My dh seems to think that that being pregnant again kind of 'cures' the loss we suffered previously, but it just doesn't, as you probably know. My babys's edd would have been a week today and the sadness I am feeling about that can be overwhelming.

However, let's look at the positives - you have had 3 great scans, and remember it's a good sign to see baby's heartbeat in the first trimester. Doesn't that reduce the chances of m/c to just 5% or something? Plus you have the doppler to set your mind at ease every time you feel a bit wobbly. Your next scan isn't that far away at all - just count the days until then. Every evening I think, 'well that's another day done already..'

I feel somehow cheated that I can't just relax and enjoy this pregnancy, you know? But the day will come when I do feel that I can stop worrying quite so much (for me, when I pass the 15 week mark). Think positive thoughts. Keep looking at nursery bedding, maternity clothes, baby clothes. Try to believe that this will be alright. Easier said than done, I know. Did you ask your midwife about the spotting again? See if you can get some reassurance from her - although hearing baby's heatbeat must be a great comfort.

Of course you're feeing sad today. Do something to remember your angel - can you go for a calming walk, talk to your dh? I'm going to light a candle next week.

Take care of yourself - you're not alone. xxx

WWW thanks for you reply and your too ddg

I know what you mean about feeling cheated, i feel like i have no safe zone though, I have a blood clotting disorder which needs to be checked upon at 20 weeks to make sure Im on the right dose and with my ds things went wrong at 28 weeks, the placenta started breaking away and stopped feeding him, luckily enough I woke up at 30 week in agony otherwise i dont think he would be here today, he was born at 31 weeks. So dont think i have any "relaxing time" till baby gets here, its all just so scary!

I cant decide now whether my sickness is ms or worry sikness lol it never ends does it!

thanks girls x x

have a nice cup of tea, a pack of ginger biscuits... read your little one a story book, and remember how lucky you are honey - you'll be fine, I've got my fingers crossed for you x x