15 weeks and generally fed up, keep feeling nervous

[22honey]

Says it all really. Had perfect scan at 12+2, now nothing until the 1st of April with my 20 week and it seems like fooorreevveerr. I am starting to look quite pregnant with a very small bump thats more prominent at night but I still keep having days where I'm worried and panicking hoping my baby is ok. I don't want to buy a doppler as I can't be bothered with the extra stress if I can't find the heartbeat and also that you can pick up other things and think they are the heartbeat hence false reassurance.

I think I feel like this because it took 18 months to conceive my first pregnancy which was an ectopic with subsequent twin in uterus, found out at about 7 weeks and had 2 months of hospital trips...I didn't lose a tube I was just treated with methoxtrate (sp?) which I feel very lucky for. Apparently this is something with a 1 in 48,000 chance of happening. I'm only 22, DP is pretty much the same age. I just feel like if I could get so unlucky that that would happen despite the odds, then whats to stop this pregnancy going wrong aswell, even though I'm way past the point I was at before (hb was never even seen on the subsequent sac the first time, I've obviously seen actually baby alive and well at 12 weeks this time).

I guess I just needed to moan about how fed up I am, I just feel in limbo and like I'm never going to fully enjoy the pregnancy until the baby is here in my arms. I keep reading about late miscarriage and stillbirth then crapping myself convincing myself I'm so unlucky it will happen to me. It doesn't help I do have anxiety (I came off sertraline when I found out I was pregnant, was going to do it anyway as it was no longer working for me and now do feel alot better than I did!) and mild depression. As soon as I get happy about the baby and look at baby stuff etc I start telling myself I'm jinxing the pregnancy! Doesnt help that my 20 week scan is on April Fools Day, imagine them telling me my baby is dead I'll feel like its some sick joke!

Sorry for the long post and just needed to vent to others who might know where I'm coming from! DP hates me worrying it sets him off so I try not to bother him too much with my worries. He is supportive when I do but then worries his own head off which stresses me out even more.

xxx

:( It is such a horrible and anxious time, being pregnant after loss.

I'm 11 weeks after 2 MC and a partial molar MC (1/1000 chance), I can totally relate. Of course we know that after a 'normal' scan the risks of something going wrong fall dramatically but if you've had a rare problem before the fear just won't go away. You have to keep reminding yourself it's over 99% likely to be fine if you're at 15 weeks with no health problems.

There is a really nice thread for pregnancy after MC on this board where we are all in the same boat, it is a great comfort if you want to read it and of course contribute if you want!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2000476-Wading-into-spring-with-the-all-new-shiny-Posifrickentivity-thread-PG-after-MC-Dive-right-in

Hi there, yes I'll have a look at the thread, being pregnant after a MC really is an extra worry all of its own. :) I was sure I'd feel more positive after the 12 week and I did do, it lasted about a week before I was worrying like mad again!

Its just sad how much a previous loss tarnishes your ability to enjoy another pregnancy...I feel much better knowing I'm not alone though, and yes have to keep telling myself the odds are really greatly in my favour!

Thanks for taking the time to post :) xx

Forgot to say congrats on the pregnancy also, it is such a worrying time and fingers crossed it all goes well for us all this time! xxx

I can relate, I had ruptured ectopic May 13 (6+5) my tube was saved in surgery but it was my 1st preg, then have had 2MC back to back. I am now 8+2 & feel negative as I am expecting it to go wrong & like you think I will jinx it if I plan anything or talk about it. I advise looking at the thread squitza says as is giving me some hope, but if your feeling permanently worried do what we are planning if you can afford it and get a private scan just for some reassurance. My EPAC clinic have gotten worse & we ended up paying private for my early scan they were supposed to do to check it was not another ectopic, we now feel we will pay again for another as it has helped us both & as it was a lovely doctor who explained things more it was very helpful. It entirely down to your circumstances, if not maybe speak to MW about your fears they should be understanding with your history and they could give some advice. Your not alone