Friends announcment

[LittleMissPear]

Right, I know that I am being petty and irrational here, but I would really appreciate some advice on how to get my head straight!
I'm 10 weeks pregnant, it took 8 months of ttc and one early mc to get here, which I found difficult. I'm am very worried about this pregnancy but trying to keep positive and am really looking forward to telling people our news at the end of Feb after the scan.
Last night, my DH's best friend announced that his wife is expecting around two weeks before me. I have a difficult relationship with her, we are very different people but for some reason I have taken this news really hard.

I feel that all the excitment for us has gone, that they've stolen our thunder with our group of friends. They haven't even been married a year and apparantly got pregnant 'a bit quicker than they were expecting'. They always seem to have the better house, the better car and now she will be doing all the baby things just a little bit earlier than me.

Ahhhh - I don't want to feel this way, I was up all night thinking about it. I want to be happy for the both of us. Any thoughts?

tia

Oh that reminds me... When miss perfect at work had hers, when I was already a week overdue, her bf announced it and said she was so 'calm and dignified' throughout... bollox! A week later I discovered that, no matter how calm you may be, there is no dignity in childbirth so he was obviously lying! it's the little things, eh?

misspear, congratulations on your pregnancy .

And welcome to the roller coaster journey of becoming a first-time mum . You're feelings of jealousy and annoyance may not be pretty but being a bit loot emotional and irrational is now your prerogative at the moment.

You sound self-aware and I get the feeling that you are posting here to get a (hopefully) gentle 'reality-check' to help you overcome these uncomfortable feelings.

I never used to be envious, maybe a bit jealous at times. After a really tough time ttc my dc and a mc along the way, I now experience feelings of envy quite regularly. Strange, as I have 'what I wanted' so don't need to worry about it any longer, but I guess that's not how some emotions work. It's almost like something (the "envy gene" haha) has been switched on and now I can feel envious for all sorts of reasons which have nothing to do with ttc. I pretty much lived 28 years without that feeling.

What I'm trying to say is that if you have experienced grief and stress because of ttc and the mc, it is completely understandable that you feel a bit all over the place. Don't worry, just ride it out, be very kind to yourself and protect yourself a bit. No need to spend too much time with the other pregnant lady until you feel a bit more on top of things.

Can you talk to your dp? It might help and he will hopefully be more aware and supportive of you.

Take care x

dats what a lovely post .

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/feb/08/miscarriage-tore-friendship-apart-pregnancy take a read of this... its strange what pg can do to relationships..

Oh that's heartbreaking peeapod.. The poor woman.. Completely OT but how cute is baby Gracie! Only that i'm pregnant, my ovaries would literally be singing right now looking at her!!

I've had 2 friends who are TTC for quite a while now, i was really paranoid about texting them my news at 12 weeks.. they seem really happy for me though, although i havent seen them since my news broke. I just really hope they get pregnant really soon and that the edginess can be lifted- or then maybe the edginess is all paranoia on my behalf.

Don't feel obliged to genuinely be "happy for them". Its a polite social sort of thing to express happiness at their news, but you don't have to actually feel happy inside - they are happy enough on their own without you. Similarly, don't expect anyone to feel happy for you, except people who really love you (certainly not friends you have difficult relationships with!). Just keep your feelings quietly to yourself and don't feel guilty if they don't match what you think you "ought" to feel. It's ok. All sorts of weird jealous, possessive, territorial feelings are normal around pregnancy, I think, and they take us by surprise because it's all supposed to be so nice and lovely and joyous. Concentrate on enjoying your own pregnancy if you can.

pee I don't think reading an emotive article on mc is the best idea for the OP.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I just wanted to add that, while I can totally understand where you're coming from and emotions are not always rational, as others have said you never know what happens behind closed doors. I got married in August and am now 26 weeks, so from the outside it looks as if we took about 12 seconds to conceive. What only my parents, not even my husband's, and my best friend know is that in April 2012 I had a miscarriage which utterly devastated me and has meant that, at times, being confident about this pregnancy has been hard. So I guess what I'm saying is you never know, it might not have been as easy as all that! Good luck with your scan and the rest of your pregnancy and congrats again.

while an early mc is of course sad for you, with the greatest of respect, eight months is not a long time to have ttc, and tbh I don't get all the there there type comments. If someone had been ttc for years and had had multiple losses/numerous fertility issues I could understand it, but the op has only been ttc for eight months, and is pregnant. so the big deal is what exactly?

All the talk of how these people have a better car and bigger house and have now stolen the op's thunder really makes me wonder who is the unpleasant one here, and I don't think it's the friend.

I think it's normal to momentarily to think 'typical' but when you rationslise this realise its not nice nor is it important or should you be so concerned with it, however I suspected I was pregnant whilst my friend was and I felt like I didn't want to be because I thought it was her first and I actually didn't want to p on her parade but then I don't know she would've felt that way I just thought she could so it obv not completely odd to me that you'd think that way. I have some friends that I know would be that way and others I know 100% would be pleased we'd be pregnant together. I don't think you should be over thinking it though, you should be far more interested in your own affairs and not comparing yourself to others. I'm sorry you've mc before I can understand that worrying you but try not to and just enjoy it. As forbher being that bit ahead its not a race but you could actuallu end uo having baby first-its only 2 weeks. It's your special time and those you love will be over the moon for you and you'll have more than your fair share of attention & by the end of my first pregnancy I wanted to emigrate lol, I had so many visitors (some I didn't even know they just worked with a family member or were the neighbours of family but they bought gifts and turned up??!!) Does your partner know how you feel? As far as feeling insecure over someone being financially better off you need to stop yourself right there, there are more important things in life and jealousy eats you up if you let it. Enjoy your pregnancy, I hope you feel more calm soon. X

Eight months is actually pretty long... Not on paper or as an outsider looking in but when you've just dealt with a mc too you don't know if it's ever gonna happen. I've not been in that situation but friends have and it's felt like an eternity just wishing for them... Can't imagine what it's like actually being them! No need to trivialise it... There'll always be someone who's had it worse!

Congratulations!!!
some of these posts are lovely and seem to really try to help you and understand. DATS' is so honest it is beautiful i'm sure over the next few months (if not years!!!) you will have lots of emotional thoughts - i know i am and hey we are only human and not perfect robots after all!! if we were all perfect, life would be rather dull.
it's great news for your DP to have his mate be a dad at the same time and who knows it may bring you and her a little bit closer. if not i'm sure you have lots of friends who will be really supportive and excited for you and i've heard you meet lots of other mums to be and you might make some new friends there too which would be nice (i guess?!)
Get DP to give you a massive hug. after all you are his special girl and his babymumma!!!!