Scary meeting tomorrow. What should I ask?

[weebigmamma]

Last week I made a complaint about my ante-natal care because I felt the hospital were pushing me into a vaginal birth and ignoring my concerns about tearing etc (I had a 3rd degree tear last time, sorry if you're bored hearing about this, I am just so worried about it all!). The upshot is that I had felt convinced about going for a section but now I don't know what to do because they've been so negative about it and keep telling me all the risks over and over and horror stories etc. So now I don't know what to do and at my last appointment I cried the whole time and had to go and have my blood pressure monitored for an hour because it was so high. The midwife who phoned me today thinks I should be able to get some clarity tomorrow and has advised me to write down any questions I have in advance, but I don't know what to ask. If I'm being honest at the minute I just wish I hadn't got pregnant again in the first place. It's been nine years since I did it last and the first time round I vowed never to do it again. I'm terrified of a vaginal birth and now I'm terrified of a section too. What would you ask?

No experience but wanted to suggest that you write down what you have said on here. They have a duty of care to you and that includes your emotional and mental welfare. Don't be afraid of crying, it is OK to cry.

Have you got someone to go along with you for support? DP, mum, sister good female friend?

I'm sure if you wait you will get lots of helpful replies.

Good luck!!

Thanks, T. I already wrote a long letter detailing all this kind of thing. Husband said he'd come with me if I wanted but not sure I do (don't know why!)

Take your husband it sounds like you have less questions more a decision to inform them of. A c section does have risks but a planned one is surely better than an emergency one...

i think i would start by saying that you would like factual evidence/ research based information on both vb and cs so that you can make an informed decision. i personally would then take notes of the pros and cons of each and not feel i had to make a decision on that day.
i would ask if you go for vb at which point would a decision be made to have cs if things not progressing well and could you be involved in that decision.
also, having had a bad tear before how likely is it that it will happen again.
i would ask if there are preventative things that can be done, e.g perenium massage , would an earlier episiotomy be a better way to manage the risk. what pain relief could you have?

i would take dh.

I would also ask for some support for your anxieties. There are specialist midwives to support women suffering depression and anxiety and it sounds like you would benefit from some support in the lead up to your labour??

3 things for you..
www.caesarean.org.uk/caesareanBirthPlan.html
www.caesarean.org.uk/articles/CSAPosBirthExp.html
www.caesarean.org.uk/articles/CChoice.html

Do you know whether your anxiety re: vb is due to something in particular (e.g increased likelihood of tearing again?) - I would ask as many questions as you need to about everything you're worried about.
Good luck xx