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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Other people disappointed in the sex of your child

21 replies

pinkbunny2012 · 02/02/2014 21:25

Hi just having a rant as went to see my father in law today who when we told him we were expecting a baby girl, (I already have a 4 year old dd) was extremely disappointed. And immediately said about trying for another one?!!!!!! and maybe the sonographer was wrong and we should get a second opinion. I didn't say anything but felt so angry inside, he might as well have said o well never mind try again, as if this new life inside of me could ever be a disappointment. My dh has been a bit quiet since weve left but not sure if that's due to my father in laws attitude or due to the fact that he feels like he has disappointed him. My dh was really happy when we found out it was another girl. Just feel like a dampner has been put on the situation. GRRRR needed a moan!!

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seatfor5 · 02/02/2014 21:50

What a knob head, Sorry but keep it to yourself old man!!

I am currently 21 weeks with DS number 4 and I have had a few people make stupid comments, but I have made it very clear that I am just happy my baby is healthy and I dont give a fig what sex he is! I must say though it has only been either strangers or "friends"

Dromedary · 02/02/2014 21:51

Stuff him - men, especially older men, can tend to think that it's all about having a boy. Having 2 girls is great - easier (and for the mum often more interesting) than having boys in lots of ways, and they're prob more likely to get on together.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 02/02/2014 21:55

My lovely mil said she hoped dc would be a lovely little girl - she had 4 sons and 3 grandsons. We had a DS. She totally adores him - never bothered me tbh - i could see why she'd have liked a girl.

Sparklyboots · 02/02/2014 22:05

My MiL wished out loud for a little boy (already had one DS) when I was pg with DD, and has recently intimated that while she fell in love with my DS the way she fell in love with DP, she didn't fall in love with DD though 'likes her now'. Why people think it appropriate to wish away your children or explain how indifferent they find them, I have no idea. But just remember OP, it's a reflection on them and not the child in question; your FiL has more.or less just said, "I'm sexist and socially incompetent." This is good information and you and your DP should be thnking thorough strategies to ensure your children are aware that he has some strange attitudes and shortcomings that you let him off with because he's family, and they should not take as meaningful anything he has to say WRT gender and manners.

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 22:06

Hes already got 3 grandsons so its not like he hasn't got any. Just felt so angry and REALLY had to bite my tongue whilst sitting there. He was interested at looking at the first lot of scan pics but didn't really show much interest at all in these ones after we said it was a girl. I didn't mind either way, and was happy to have a surprise, but found out as my dh wanted to know. If I could have chosen I would probably have chosen another dd so im happy but the thing that made me most happy is that our child is healthy. Not that he asked that either. Grrrrrr need to eat chocolate and crisps and ice cream and get in my onesie now haha

5madthings · 02/02/2014 22:07

When I had ds3 and then ds4 I phoned family after the birth and said the baby was born it was a boy etc ettc and one relative said she was disappointed... Good job she was on the end of a phone and not in my vicinity or I would have lamped her!

People are stupid, ignore.

KittyCatKittyCat · 02/02/2014 22:09

I was immediately asked on seeing GMil 'Oh you won't stop there will you?' about my soon to be DD, when I asked why, 'Oh to carry on the name'... we have the most common as muck surname. It does not need continuing. Mentally told her to fuck off, disregarding someone she's never even met based on her sex alone. Fucker.

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 22:11

That's terrible 5madthings I felt so angry today so cant imagine how angry u felt after giving birth. I don't know how anyone could have the cheek to be so forward!!!! I tried to ignore it but for some reason it really got to me, I think cos me and dh were so happy and excited to tell him and it was like someone just put a pin in and burst our little balloon :( not really mine, more his, I know hes happy its a girl think he just expected more from his family.

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 22:14

I was asked, but you will try again?? today so made the point of saying no I was happy with my beautiful dd and this one to come, and so was dh, whilst mentally screaming lots of obscenities! I hate it when people say to "carry on the name" esp when my FIL already has 3 grandsons, but I think that was the reason he was disappointed. Just felt so angry, maybe its just preggers hormones x

AGoodPirate · 02/02/2014 22:17

I had and still get the opposite, people going on about how lucky I am to have one of each and how I can stop now. As if I have won a prize. Or like I've achieved something fantastic. How silly!

KiwiBanana · 02/02/2014 22:19

We have the opposite, everyone is desperate for us to have a girl. I feel like no matter what I say they think I'm trying to hide the fact that I really want this baby to be female, when I'm honestly not bothered!
It's just daft to be disappointed over the gender, babies are lovely no matter what.

Don't let it get to you. You will always have someone having an opinion on your child, learn now to block it out.

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 22:20

I think its lovely to have one of each!! But people just put to much emphasis on it, and its a very personal decision the number of children you are going to have, and im sure one that's not based mostly on the fact u have one of each!

specialsubject · 02/02/2014 22:27

unbelievable.

wishing you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Which (along with you) is all that matters.

inadreamworld · 02/02/2014 22:27

He sounds like an idiot!

We have two DDs and I would like a third child if possible but NOT because I want a boy (although quite happy if a boy, don't mind). Hard to get some people to understand this though.

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 22:31

Yes that's all that matters to me that this dd is healthy, esp as I had my dd1 prem and we were both very poorly afterwards, so all I want is to be happy and healthy! Could not care what sex this child is!!! I don't like to speak ill of anyone but he is not the nicest of men anyway, gave my dh a terrible childhood when it didn't need to be and still tries even now to bring him down and suck every bit of happiness out of him. Not that I could or would ever say this to anyone, just gets on my nerves, even if HE wanted a boy its not about HIM grrrrrrr

Ilovekittyelise · 02/02/2014 22:44

nobodys expressed disappointment (ds2 due tuesday) but quite a few comments about trying for a girl next time. even when i say no, we are stopping at two quite a lot of people assume that what i really mean is that i want to put my life and career on hold forever whilst i have endless babies and patiently wait to finally have a girl.

wankers!!!

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/02/2014 10:27

Stupid man!
We are expecting DC2, already have one DS and MIL and FIL and various other family members have said things like "oh make sure it's a girl" like I can do anything about it! It's because as their 3 grand kids are boys, they had only sons and seem desperate for a girl. We started off this pregnancy with twins, lost one early and almost lost this one too so At this stage, I know it's a cliche but I honestly don't care if bit it girl as long as it's a healthy baby. PIL and family know all this but still keep saying they hope it's a girl! I think it's probably a boy and will be really annoyed if they act all disappointed like your silly FIL did!
Ignore your FIL, hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy and congratulations!

Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 03/02/2014 13:13

Thanks everyone :) feeling much better today after going out and spending a bit to much on lots of gorgeous tutus and babygrows and all sorts of pretty girl things! Plus my dd is so excited to be having a sister, something I never had, so who cares :) xxx

whiteblossom · 03/02/2014 13:47

I'd say ignore it but as the other posters well know, you remember it.

I'll never forget my MIL wanting a girl, she got a GS instead. She told me to hurry up and have another. Stiches barely healed.

theborrower · 03/02/2014 21:33

People say bloody offensive and stupid things, don't they?

We have a 3 year old daughter, and I'm pregnant with DC2 (don't know what sex). When I joked that we were stopping at 2, my mother in law said "But what if you have another girl??". She has also brought up old wives tails about my feeling sicker/ being bigger/ baby kicking earlier meaning I must be having a boy. It's getting annoying. It will be what it is, and I personally would be delighted if it was another girl, but equally chuffed if a boy. But this is one reason we're not going to find out its sex, so we don't get all the silly comments. Unless people end up like Whiteblossom's MIL. What a cheek!

Writerwannabe83 · 03/02/2014 22:15

My MIL came with me and DH to our gender scan and we saw the disappointment in her face when we were told it was a boy. It was only very, very brief but it didn't go unnoticed

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