Book recommendations for clueless first time parents-to-be?

[RadgeWeeMidden]

We're expecting our first child in August and would like to do some reading up on parenting. We're mainly interested in the basics - about which we know nothing! Feeding, sleeping, just how to care for them really. Thanks for any recommendations.

fatherhood by Marcus Berkman is an entertaining light overview. specifically aimed at dads but I liked it too.

for mums I found the baby whisperer quite good, especially the pages on newborn body language (it helped me work out what was wrong).

I found "What to expect in the first year" an ok reference book for when I was panicking about what DS's poo should look like, whether it was normal for him to look cross eyed occasionally etc in the first few weeks. Also Penelope Leach's baby book is good, although I forget the name.

However, there is no manual for your baby and much of the early days are spent feeling your way, learning what your baby likes and what works for you as a family.

Sometimes too much prior reading can be unhelpful. I read several routine based parenting books that all sounded sensible pre-DS. I tried to follow them and totally stressed myself when DS did not respond to any of it. The visiting mw subtly advised DH to hide all of those books and encouraged me to trust my instincts and read my baby instead.

Your baby week by week www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0091910552
It's amazing and I have named it the baby bible. Have bought about 10 copies for pregnant friends over the past few years . All you need for unbiased and practical baby advice.

Oh and "wonder weeks" is quite interesting in terms of learning about development spurts etc.

Don't bother. Until the baby is old enough to read it she or he won't know what they are supposed to be doing either.

I agree with HolyDrinker, most parenting books are really unhelpful and likely to cause more anxiety than comfort. I'd go to a library and look at a few books just so you can see how contradictory they are, and then pick one that you feel resonates with how you think you'd like to do things.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It's the book I wish I had read before I had DD.

the best and most helpful thing I have ever come across is a YouTube clip of Priscilla Dunstan on the Oprah Show explaining about

Tbh I'd avoid the books. In my experience it created noise that you then find difficult to ignore. It's like having a ranty mil in your ear 24/7. You will think they are all right and you are wrong. You will feel crap about that. You will try all theories then one day burst into tears and burn all books.

Then you will find peace and do the only thing you need to, trust yourself and trust your baby. They will show you the way and you will be ok.

I realise that possibly sounds herbal, unfortunately it's also pretty true. Once it's here you will be fine. :)

aarrghh - posted too early!

so about Baby Language.

She discovered that all babies make very similar sound that are based on reflexes to certain "problems" so by figuring out what kind of crying you hear you can tell why baby is crying and act accordingly.

it is not only a fascinating discovery it really does work.

I only found out about Priscilla Dunstan with my 6th and it honestly changed my life.

she was a very windy baby, she made a lot of Eh Eh sounds - after winding/burping she was fine.
I wish I had known about her and her "system" with all the others.

but I can't wait to use what I learnt with our 7th (due in July) - I'm predicting I will cope better than ever armed with the knowledge of Baby Language.

I highly recommend to everyone to watch the YouTube video!

I wouldn't bother either. The only one I found helpful at the pregnancy/first weeks stage was a Dorling Kindersey book by Dr Mirian Stoppard. No opinions or how-to-do-it, but useful practical advice, plus what you should feel like/what stage the baby is in pregnancy. It was a hand me down from a friend, so published 2001 I think. I'll try to find a link if you wish.

At the weaning stage I found all the annabel Karmel books great.

Now I'm at the 2-3 years I find myself renewing the Jo Frost books from the library quite a bit!

I agree must parenting books are rubbish unless the baby has read the book.

But I did find one helpful called Birth and Beyond, just give you info and caring for your baby and rough developmental changes upto 9 months. But non of that instructional stuff you get with some of the parenting type manuals.
it's also got a good section on illness in the back which I found really handing with knowing what to do with them when ill.

Ina May Gaskin - www.amazon.co.uk/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin-ebook/dp/B003QHXLKA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391370273&sr=1-1&keywords=ina+may+gaskin

JuJu Sundin - www.amazon.co.uk/Birth-Skills-Proven-pain-management-techniques/dp/0091922143

Maggie Howell - Natal Hynotherapy (read this even if you're not listening to the CDs it has loads of great stuff in it) www.amazon.co.uk/Effective-Birth-Preparation-Practical-Better-ebook/dp/B0073WNDZM/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391370317&sr=1-1&keywords=natal+hypnotherapy

Also second the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

Agree parenting books that tell you what you should/shouldn't be doing are basically rubbish but a lot of the books in this thread are seriously good information on mother & baby physiology and post natal hormones etc... knowledge is power.

Thanks everyone. I'd like to have the confidence just to see how it goes, but I think I'd at least like to do a little pre-reading: out of interests sake if nothing else!

Me and my lovely fella are first timers too. We have decided to steer clear of parenting books and just to follow our instincts. If we are really so useless and we feel we need guidance or advice I'm sure there are more than enough people willing to chip in their opinion.

No book cam make you a food parent in my eyes

Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain by Sue Gerhardt

This book is astonishing. Honestly, the only book about your baby you'll need to read.

It's ok. We've been there too. It's why we recommend ones and why we are saying don't read them. Til you tread the path it won't really make sense. Just believe in yourself. Have faith in you.

Best wishes x

I liked Kaz Cooke's 'Kid Wrangling'. It has good advice but it's also really funny and kept me sane when I really felt I was losing it. She also has a 'rough guide to babies and toddlers' which I expect is similarly funny and useful. For me it was good to have a bit of reassurance.

I also loved Anne Lamott's 'Operating Instructions'- it's an autobiographical account of her son's first year. She was a single parent and is also a very funny and touching writer. This one also made me feel saner through the sleep deprivation and anxiety. Don't read it until the baby's actually arrived tho because she went through quite a tough time and you don't want to scare yourself!

Oh god please NO to the womanly art of Breastfeeding. 500 bloody pages of tosh. I will never get that time back. Hated it. (If you would like my copy I'll happily send it to you for the cost of the postage).

However the two yeses and one God no prove that all books are a matter of opinion and tend to be divisive. I had several people swear by Gina ford and others who told me they'd never speak to me again if I read it.

I definitely agree that there is no guide to your baby and just listening to your instincts is the best way, if you can.

What helped me most were the other parents (and babies!) in my anti and post natal groups. Just to see how other people were doing things and the different struggles they had was enormously helpful. Everyone struggled with something and it just made us feel much more normal, plus of course we shared tips (some of which actually helped!)

Also it's only in retrospect that you can really say whether a book helped or hindered. I would have said that I found Annabel Karmel great until I found about about baby led weaning and realised that for us it would have been a much much better approach and that one of the most stressful periods of babyhood could have been totally avoided.

Likewise some of the advice I followed from Toddler Taming was probably a bad idea too although I thought it helpful at the time.

The Food of Love was great re:breastfeeding.
Deborah Jackson's Three in a Bed was great for us, as it is an interesting read that encourages you to go with your instincts etc.
Didn't read any of the baby manuals on purpose, and have seen too many friends get ill trying to follow Gina Ford.

Another vote for 'your baby week by week'. Sensible and easy to read. Reassuring too.