How do you keep it secret

[whiteblossom]

I am 8+4 and ive been really ill for 4 weeks or so, bladder infections, sickness, tiredness. Because of this Ive not left the house and stayed mostly in bed.

My Dh is insisting we wait until after the 12 scan. We found out yesterday that it would be at least 4-5 weeks away.

My mum thinks Im ignoring her, But I just cant put a game face on and pretend Im ok. She wants to go shopping, she wants me to help decorate, she wants me to make her soft furnishings (curtains/custions/pelmits) Ive tried to put her off but she has def' got the hump with me and Im waiting for either her or my dad to call and rant about what a bad daughter I am, cant I see they need help. For the record they would always help us out, no question which makes me feel terrible.

How do I deal with this?? I just cant face going out. To make matters worse I hate going to her house as she smokes heavily and Id just retch.

Do you absolutely have to hide it from your parents, or do you think you could just tell them? I think you need to discuss this again with your DH - if it's going to make the relationship between you strained, it might just be worth telling them but asking them to keep it to themselves for now.

An alternative is just to phone your mum and apologise - just say you've been feeling stressed and under the weather lately and that you're just trying to relax it off at the moment. Four weeks isn't that far away and you might then be excused for a little while.

Its a very hard thing to cover up, So sorry your feeling so sick. is there any time of day that your feeling better, could you arrange to meet her for coffee (de-caf), that way you are on neutral ground and you can leave at any time (you have to meet a friend/do the shopping etc).
that way your not kicking her out of your house if your not feeling great and you dont have to go to her smoke filled house.

I completely failed at keeping it a secret, so I can't help sorry!

I had to tell my boss why I was off work for so long, and I needed my mum to come up and look after me!

Talk to DH again, I would say. You don't want to cause a falling out with your Mum over it.

I did what you did - I just avoided my family and avoided answering the phone It was very, very difficult but I managed. My mum asked me a few times if there was any 'baby news' (family were convinced we were TTC) so I just lied to her each time and said no. When me and DH eventually told people the news when I was about 14 weeks pregnant (we wanted to wait until our NT results came back as well as having the 12 week scan) they all said 'everything makes sense now'. Apparently they'd all been gossiping together, worrying as to why nobody really saw me much anymore etc

Stay strong!!!!

Just typed a response and it wouldn't load!

Thanks for the replies. Velvet I think you might have the best idea. Ill explain that I have another infection which is making me feel grotty then antibiotics making me feel sick and maybe drag that out, say im run down.

I can't simply meet dm for a coffee, she will want to combine with shopping and then stop off a few place and then ask me to do X on the way home for her. I just cant cope with anything like that at the moment.

My best time of day is 9am-10.30 a time which she is very much still in bed! It seams every time we talk she wants me to do something- ordinarily not a problem but its all just beyond my capabilities right now.

I had a scan at 9 weeks and we told most people after. I HATED the lying, and i didnt want people to 'guess'. I'd do nothing differently the next time either. but its' a really personal thing!

writer at least they didn't take it in a bad way. We want to wait until we have our results too. My family can be (at he moment) a tad sensitive, there is some family tension going on and Im piggy in the middle to it all.

phew, Ive rung and I think my dm was a bit off with me and my dad made comments about me having moved house (yeah haha dad!)

Once I told her that Id been ill since new year and Ive another infection and Im still dealing with side affects from the last antibiotics she warmed up abit.

She said she has bought some curtains which Im very relieved about that will save me weeks of sewing!! She said she will see me tomorrow but she at least knows im unwell so don't have to put on a front.

thanks everyone

Your mum sounds a bit overbearing! It's up to you and your DH up decide when to tell and your mum getting the hump because you aren't around to go shopping and do stuff for her isn't a reason to go against your DH on this. It's his baby as well as yours, and there are very valid reasons to wait until after the scan.

Glad you've managed to put her off for now though.

You might be their daughter but you aren't there to constantly run around after them. Be prepared for hurt faces you kept the pregnancy from them for weeks.