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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the gender - family FLAMED me for it.....

27 replies

dontsqueezetheteabag · 27/01/2014 10:13

12 weeks pregnant with 1st baby. Was out with immediate family at the weekend and someone said something like "take it you won't be finding out the sex". To which I replied, eh, yes, we are planning on finding out.

I got totally flamed for it, like I was going to ruin their surprise. they were trying to talk me out of it.

Not sure how I feel about the whole thing. Obviously I am sensitive (because of hormones) but I am pretty annoyed at their reaction.

It's MY baby, and MY pregnancy.....

OP posts:

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beela · 27/01/2014 10:16

Exactly, tell them to bog off - and don't tell them if they don't want to know.

Redtartanshoes · 27/01/2014 10:17

Tell them to mind their own businesses.

Your baby you decide.

91chloejp · 27/01/2014 10:18

You can do what you bloody like. They don't have to know either, just don't tell them.

My family flamed me for choosing not to find out saying "What's the point?" I said "Were any of you there when DH and I were ttc? are any if you going to push the baby out if your vagina? no? oh look at that. fuck off"

livingzuid · 27/01/2014 10:18

Just don't tell them. It's your decision to find out they should butt out. We haven't told unless people want to know so we say 'do you want to know'. Most people want to know! Apart from my best friend so haven't told her.

How rude of your family. It was an amazing moment finding out, I cried. And it makes it more real for me and I talk to her all the time now and plan out what we are going to get and how to have her room etc etc. More fun!

You won't regret finding out :)

Original poster

dontsqueezetheteabag · 27/01/2014 10:21

Thanks guys, was starting to feel bad about it.

I will be telling them to mind their own business if it comes up again.

I want to pick a name and some clothes, etc based on the gender.

OP posts:

AmelieRose · 27/01/2014 10:23

How awful of them! I sympathise as I've had the same thing from work colleagues - my family are excited to find out (this week - eek!) but I've had some vile responses from colleagues, ranging from 'don't - it's the only thing that gets you through labour' to 'you must not find out, it's just not right'. And that's when they ask me - I don't volunteer that we plan on finding out.

I agree with livingzuid - just don't tell them, then they still get their surprise. It's your pregnancy, so don't let them bother you.

Starballbunny · 27/01/2014 10:23

I just don't get families and PG, BFing, weaning and child raising in general.

My DM would have been furious if anyone had interfered in her choices for DSIS and me and she doesn't interfere with my bring up my DDs.

I've never had this sort of conversation, bar one 'your friends would be if they knew you were still BFing' from DSIS. But I BF for a very very very long time.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/01/2014 10:27

I've had a couple of people really anti-finding out, but luckily no family - they understand my reasons - I have 2 boys already, one of whom doesn't adapt well to change and couldn't get his head around the vagueness of 'a sibling' so we decided it was in his interests to find out (and it helps us massively with getting organised, as we discovered it's a girl so need different clothes - friends with girls have given me loads of hand-me-downs!) I've only told people who asked though, I'm not making it public knowledge as I know a few (particularly older generations) like the surprise!

Pinkbell123 · 27/01/2014 10:27

You won't regret finding out! Some of my family were the same and didn't want to know, including my dad, so the rest of us had to keep it secret from him. We kept on saying 'him' though by accident though so I'm sure I'm must have known. But my mum accidentally told him and he was mad!

Just do what feels right for you, I think this is just the start of family trying to interfere but your baby, you know best

ThursdayLast · 27/01/2014 10:31

I honestly don't understand how people are so crazy tactless around pregnancy/naming/rearing!
I'm not running it past you to see what you think, I'm telling you the choices I have made...how about you don't try and undermine them??

Do what the hell you want OP...
...I'm gonna guess....GIRL!

loopylouu · 27/01/2014 10:33

Jesus, how rude of them.

I found out the sex of my baby because I wanted to. I really wouldn't have taken anyone else into consideration. Even dh, if he didn't want to know (he did) then I would have still found out for myself but not told him.

It's your baby growing in your body, no on else's business.

Original poster

dontsqueezetheteabag · 27/01/2014 10:38

ThursdayLast - you have placed the first bet. I'll come back to you when I find out. At least you will want to know even if my family don't!

Thanks for reassurance eveyone (virtual glass of)

OP posts:

notso · 27/01/2014 10:41

I don't get the whole finding out thing. It freaks me out when people refer to an unborn baby by name. I don't do gendered clothing and 'stuff' for babies either.

However I wouldn't berate someone for finding out, it's up to them.

I did get annoyed with SIL and BIL who found out but didn't tell anyone-fine, but they spent 20 weeks saying "your dying to know aren't you" , "I'd love to tell you but I'm not going to" it wore a bit thin and nobody was really bothered. People overestimate how exciting their babies are for everybody else IMO.

sebsmummy1 · 27/01/2014 10:42

Some people are definitely funny about it. I didn't get a negative reaction from family but I did from colleagues!! I wanted to know because it helped my bond with the baby and plan better. I also wanted a 4d scan later on and suspected at that point it just might be obvious!!

Ignore them, it is your pregnancy and if they think they can control things this early then lord knows what they might be like when the baby arrives.

I just wonder if there might be a superstitious element to their negativity. Like they think these scans are against nature or something, hocus pocus etc?

notso · 27/01/2014 10:45

I think there is something in that sebsmummy my Mum always says it is funny how most mothers ideal is a natural intervention free birth and the trend is for extra intervention in pregnancy.

Slh122 · 27/01/2014 10:48

I had this with my grandparents.. My nana in particular just could not understand why we found out the sex. She asked me not to tell her, but I accidentally referred to the baby as 'he' when I rang her after my anomaly scan to tell her everything was fine. She was disappointed but I just thought my pregnancy, my baby, so what! After finding out the sex it just seemed wrong to continue referring to the baby as 'it' when we knew that he was a boy.
At the end of the day it's your pregnancy - do what you want! Congratulations :)

ChicaMomma · 27/01/2014 11:06

God, people should just butt out!!

FTR we are finding out but telling everyone we arent. I've been advised by others that this is best really.

Meglet · 27/01/2014 11:11

I loved finding out with DC2. It almost made it more exciting because we knew who we were getting after the chaos that was unknown sex and EMCS birth of DS.

In fact, we knew the sex, her name and the day she would be born (planned CS). It was still exciting when she popped out .

Writerwannabe83 · 27/01/2014 11:12

My MIL was upset when we first told her we were going to find out the sex! She still came with us to our Gender Scan when I was 16 weeks pregnant though

Just do what makes you happy - it's your pregnancy.
And congratulations!!

Ilovekittyelise · 27/01/2014 12:21

id be even more inclined to find out, and rub it in their faces given their reaction. do they make snarkey comments about whether you should be eating that cheese and poke at your belly too?!!!

mel0dy · 27/01/2014 13:12

Oh gods you've just made me terrified of telling anyone if we do choose to find out- mainly cos they might buy us gender stereotyped nonsense and I'll have to pretend to be grateful. Lol at 91chloejp.

kerala · 27/01/2014 13:18

Notso I had a friend like that - on and on. Sorry but to everyone else it's not THAT exciting and I felt embarrassed for the couple that they assumed all their friends and family were on tenterhooks.

We found out out of nosiness and had several snarky responses. My midwife even said " I didn't think you were that kind of person". Still wonder what that was supposed to mean!

SaucyJack · 27/01/2014 13:39

I'd put a stop to any of their nonsense ASAP if I were you. Nothing worse than an overbearing grandparent.

Curleypussycat · 27/01/2014 13:50

Hey, its none of their business, just don't tell them when you do find out. I was always for finding out the sex of my baby. Didn't want to shout it off the rooftops when we did find out, although my husband did which he could initially understand why I did, but to me it was my pregnancy and no-one elses business , and anyway, why did people need to know the minute we left the hospital that day LOL!! Plus im one of those people that couldn't be doing with all that crap about "Oh, we want to have it as a surprise when he or she popped out" baaa! Just find out and get on with the rest of the pregnancy and stuff what anyone else thinks was my way of thinking .

Tranquilitybaby · 27/01/2014 23:46

So don't tell them! Keep it your little secret! ??

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