PreNatal Depression with Second Pregnancy

[FirstTimeMom12]

I think I have depression with second pregancy, with my first pregnancy I only had some migraines in the firts trimester and then everything was fine, had plenty of time to myself, rested and was well.

With second pregnancy, I feel nauseous, tired and so stressed. Both me & DH work full time and DD is an active 16 month old who gets sick from nursery these days and I have not had the chance for a full night sleep in the last 2 weeks and I am just beside myself.

Things I used to enjoy I do not even want to do and I feel I will collapse. I took a day here and there of work to relax but then when I go back to work with all the deadlines and people demands I start stressing and getting all angry with things that would not bother me much otherwise. I feel so negative and do not know what to do.

I asked my mom (as my whole family is overseas) if she can come to help for a couple of weeks so I feel a heavy weight off my shoulders and I got even more angry as she babysits my niece and my brother as always made it a big problem about not having anyone they trust to babysit their daugther during this time so my mom is thinking of seriously not coming. I feel very angry as all my life my brother makes a big deal about his life and his problems being so important and always makes sure he is the centre of attention. My mom is amazing, do not get me wrong, always tried to do so much for the both of us, I do think though he is a drama queen who takes advantage of her way too much and she allows it :(

Feel so overwhelmed at the moment do not know where to turn. DH has been great, but I cannot really put more burdens on him. In all my being so upset, he has been cooking for us and tried to jump in taking care of DD. Just feel so overwhelmed without any time for me and feeling so out of energy...

Anyone else went through something similar?

Yes, I'm not sure if it's depression, although I have felt like it sometimes (history of depression and anxiety as a teenager).

The tiredness has seemed worse this time, maybe because I haven't got the option of just staying in bed, or going for a nap whenever I want. Plus the nausea, trying to keep myself well fed, keeping a hungry toddler fed and entertained, then feeling like I need to do at least something to keep the house looking half tidy.

Can you get your DH to take your DD out for a few hours to let you sleep, or have a bath?

How many weeks are you? I'm 33 weeks now and have found the tiredness comes and goes.

Yes. This is my first pregnancy, but I have 3 small stepchildren who are with us half the time, and in whose care I'm very much involved (I'm happy for that to be so, but at the same time, if I weren't so involved we'd be in a mess as we don't have any help, so I don't have much choice), and a fairly demanding full-time job.

Now, at 38 weeks, I'm absolutely fine, and have been for a few weeks, but I'd say that between about weeks 25 and maybe 33 I went through one of the most difficult periods in my life. I was completely overwhelmed and spent a lot of time lying on the floor crying. Yes, I was exhausted, but I think it was more than that - I'm still tired now, but it's different, bearable, and I really think that while it was so bad there was something out-of-whack with my hormones. Suddenly it all fell into place again and it was like the sun coming out.

Have you seen a doctor? I found it helpful just to tell someone (my GP) and not have them react like friends and family I told did - 'but you're having a baby! You should be happy!' Also, once I'd seen the GP and had been taken seriously, things became easier with my DH; it was at that point that he realised that he needed to take the kids out at the weekend and give me some peace and quiet, etc, and that just doing more around the house wasn't enough. (It had also been hard, until then, for my DH to understand that I wasn't just 'in a bad mood'). My GP signed me off for a couple of weeks, which gave me a bit of breathing space. I don't think that in itself made me better, but it made it possible for me to cope.

And now, to give you some hope, I feel great. The things I found so overwhelming haven't changed, and I'm still tired...but it's ok.

Hi, this is my first pg and I've been diagnosed with antenatal depression and prescribed prozac. Not what I wanted to take during pg, but I'll try anything. Lack of sleep hasn't really helped and the constant desire to curl up and cry (sob hysterically) completely overwhelmed me. I went to talk to my doctor when I read an article about it and i had all the symptoms apart from wanting to self-harm / suicide. She told me that 1 in 10 women suffer from antenatal depression and there is an increasing thought that a lot of PND starts before delivery, so if they can treat it during pg it's better for the baby. Certainly feelings of hopelessness & anxiety during pg are not good for the baby, any risks from anti-d's are better compared to my state before. I also wasn't eating, was so tense with everything that any and all food made me feel sick. If I forced something down I was physically sick - that was the key thing that made me get help.

I've never had depression before, and never taken any anti-d's before either. I'm assured it's safe in the 2nd & 3rd trimester & I did quite a bit of research before agreeing to try them. The plan, for me, is to see how I get on (prozac does take c.6 weeks to kick in) and certainly wean me off this drug between 32 & 34 weeks so that any withdrawal period is done before delivery and also so that I can breastfeed. If they think I still need something they will try a drug that is safe for breastfeeding.

Good luck and hope everyone is feeling better

Thank you for sharing, it is good to hear I am not alone and sorry to hear what everyone goes through, I am now 9.5 weeks. DH took over a couple of nights in taking care of DD when she woke up and that allowed me to relax. I also try to take care of myself at work and worked from home on a couple of days I felt really bad, it really helps.

My mom is looking into alternative ways of childcare for my niece and may come for 2 weeks and that would be so good.

I am seeing the midwife for first time next week and may ask what ways are there to help mothers like us, seeing a counselor would be great if that something that is offered. I am full of moan these days and none of my colleagues have children so I cannot really keep sharing, they are almost rolling their eyes when I say how tired I am and my lack of sleep and I feel so alone... DH already has a lot on his shoulders and cannot really keep moaning about this to him either :-(

Hope this will only last the first trimester if I am lucky

Hi All
I think i can sympathise and it is a horrible feeling. I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything. I'm 9 weeks pregnant, exhausted all the time could cry anytime and just feel so uncertain. I've a new job, i'm 38 on first pregnancy and my boyfriend lives 280 miles away where we have a (rented) house so I travel to him most weekends +. The plan is that i move there (a place I love!) to have the baby and then will see about whether i return to work and try to commute or what...
i've always been strongly independent and financially self-reliant. i've had to be. our finances are comfortable (especially if i compare our situation with friends') but the thought that i will be reliant on his salary (and our savings) scares me to death. even though he is a wonderful and hardworking man. the thought of being stuck in a house all day every day with a screaming baby is awful. i'm sure it won't be like that, well at least not all the time, but my boredom threshold is low, which normally i've seen as a positive but i'm dreading becoming a dull person who has nothing to talk about except baby and never goes out for years and years.
We were kind of trying to conceive but it has happened quicker than I thought it would - i'm amazed (and excited) in fact.
but i'm dreading telling anyone - i don;t want their comments or opinions or interference which i feel awful about as i'm sure that most of their reactions will be positive (but my family is AWASH with babies, (4 in a year!) so i'm kind of hoping that this one will not cause too much of a fuss. i hate fuss.) but i know there will be comments about leaving it so late, getting fat, having to live off a salary that is a lot less, no more going out, doing great things (like city breaks, festivals, camping and 10 hour walks on the coast, lie-ins etc) and having the CHOICE of nice things (like perfume, decent makeup, hair cuts etc... I'm not that materialistic really...) . which also, i am fully aware, makes me sounds like a total bitch with totally the wrong priorities... At the moment though all i can see is what I CAN'T do, not what I can and I think I need to focus on more positives...
I had a total crying fest with boyfriend on sunday and explained my worries and he does understand (I think he has similar fears and will he still be able to go running or surfing!! he is aware that it is my life that is going to change totally where as his will change some what) which is great and he is keen that we do things to help me go stir-crazy. I"m hoping that once things settle down my fears are going to disappear and i'll think - 'oh god, i was such a dufas even thinking that'. Many women have been fantastic mothers but it seems like such a massive responsibility and, at 38, time for me to finally grow up. oh god....!
(Sorry this is so long. i just couldn't stop! and I won't be surprised if you think i'm a total ungrateful cow bag. i would probably agree with you.)