Anyone heard about competitive fertility and believe it?

[moomin35]

I read recently about competitive fertility (where people have another baby to compete with other freinds and family who are having them) and found it can be quite true! What does everyone think?

I have and have experienced it. We tried for over 10 years for our children. For a long time it looked like Dd was going to be an only. In the meantime my sister met her husband got married and and had two dc (falling pregnant with both the first month of trying!) I am the oldest and she told my mum that it was nice that she was doing something before me for a change. She told another sister that she was stopping at two but she might think again if I had another one! Eventually I had DS and three months later my sister was pregnant again with her third. Not sure if coincidence but given her previous comments it does seem to be rather competitive!

I can't believe people have babies purely out of competition for, what, attention?

But, I do think there's a strong biological urge for women to time pregnancies together. How often do you see articles about several colleagues falling pregnant in a short period of time? Or see cousins of similar ages?

I know people that have struggled for years with fertility issues, then when a couple of other colleagues have become pregnant they've succeeded too. It could, of course, be happy coincidence.

I am sure there is a pheromone link. I think there is an evolutionary advantage to women in a group to time pregnancy and newborns to occur simultaneously and as such fertility can be influenced by pheromones produced by already pregnant women. Much in the same way as women's menstrual cycles are said to synchronise.

I want to do a PhD in this!

I think people think I have done this myself.

A v close friend fell pregnant, and I did a few months behind. Unbeknownst to her and practically everyone else, we had been trying for a year.

I guess some people do do it, but it's annoying for those of us who don't but still get the sly comments!

I'm sure there are some people stupid enough to have babies just to be competitive, but I think most of the time friends or family having babies just makes you assess your own situation. Perhaps new babies just bring out broodiness in people who didn't realise it was even on their radar.

Combined with the fact that friends and family members tend to be roughly the same age and at the same stage in life.

Yes I did it!
Friends of ours got married a year before us. Then for some reason we all decided we were ready for children and revealed this to each other over dinner. (Been friends with this couple for a good 10 years prior to our weddings)
Anyway, we set it as a friendly competition with the prize being the conception cup.
It was a happy, friendly situation which progressed with monthly phone calls 're progress.
Like we do on here "2ww, am I pregnant type thing)
It was all very tongue in cheek and a shared humour type thing. Not at all serious.

They won the conception cup (a mug) we were all utterly delighted to have a wee baby on the way. Didn't matter who was first!

Sorry just to add, non of us wanted children in our 20"s, we all went on holidays together instead. We hit our 30"s and bam...we were ready at around the same time.

I'm 27 and a few of my friends already have children, 3 years old. A lot of the women I work with are 10 20 years older than me and all have kids most grown up. So there was know one I fell pregnant straight after. The youngest baby of my friends was 5 months, I'd been talking to my friend about wanting a baby for a couple of years but kept putting it off.

I don't think All women do it to compete or copy I think its a natural thing.

On saying that I work colluage who I get on we'll with seems to copy every thing I do, and when I told her I was pregnant she was initially very happy and then a few weeks later told me she was trying for a baby. This was 6 months ago and unfortanly she hasn't fell pregnant yet, at first she seems excited I was having a baby now she doesn't talk to me about it, so maybe there is a little competitive in her, but on saying that she genuinely wants a child and I would love her to fall soon. I work with her and live down the road so it would be lovely to share those times with her, maybe that's why women do it so close together for suporrt and help :) oh and hand me downs

I'm a student and fell pregnant unexpectedly and unplanned, so there was no-one I 'followed' or competed with, but there's an attention-seeking girl on my course at uni who is desperate for a baby - she is even less-prepared than I am, for various reasons including an immature relationship, an overwhelming obsession with a certain 'teen star' (and not Justin Bieber) and a lack of ability to manage money at all - but she keeps sending me messages saying 'hope you're enjoying your pregnancy' and 'hope you're making the most of being pregnant', and then posting statuses berating her boyfriend for 'not giving her a baby', and how much she wants a baby and how unfair it is that some people get it without trying etc.

It's horrible.

Some people think "well if they can manage 1, 2, 3.... kids I bet we can too" certainly true in our extended family, as soon as one cousin announced they were having a baby another few quickly followed and the same with friends!

Oh yes this does happen. It happened to me with DH exw and my mother with her sister in law.

I'm sure there will be some that do. But isn't it more likely that the people you knock around with are ready at the same time? Whether it be similar age, similar attitude to life etc, you have the same things in common and kids fits in at the sane time as it does for you (you general, not you specific).