other peoples reactions to your homebirths decision

[rockin20s]

Hey All i am 6 weeks pregnant and have decided that i would like a homebirth. one of my closest friends is also pregnant, we are only a week apart in due dates. we were discussing hospitals, booking appointments etc and i said that i was going for a homebirth. i was very surprised and hurt my her reaction
'your a wally, hospital is much safer, i wouldnt do it' etc

she was decided to go private with a consultant through the same hospital as me. and seems to think that if you throw money at something you will get a better outcome.

i don't agree with her decision but i kept my month closed i wasn't going to insult her choice, i just wish she could have done the same for me.

so this got me thinking about the rest of my family, none know that i am pregnant yet and i think i will keep the homebirth to myself, tell people on a need to know basis as i dont want to spend my entire pregnancy defending my choice to close minded people.

how did people react when you told them you planning a homebirth? and how did you deal with the negativity from people

Im having a C section and I'm getting similar reactions. End of the day it is your choice and there are good reasons for your choice. you shouldn't need to justify it to anyone.

If anyone says anything to me then I'm just going to say that I am glad that there are all these choices available which is enabling me to give birth in the way I want to/ need to.

Is this your 1st baby?

That generally makes a difference but ultimately each to their own.

I'm expecting dc6 next week & I really wanted a home birth but it was very difficult to organise the dc do I'm going to use a birth centre again. I've had 2 water births in a different birth centre & my sister thinks I'm insane. She chose to have an epidural, requested constant monitoring etc.

People tend to have very set views on childbirth. Many consider it a medical process - i don't but used too.

Do your research. Know what you want or don't want. Finally just smile, nod & ignore!

Good luck.

Hi, I had a home birth with my second child it was amazing, the only snag was when i went into labour and called for a midwife to come out to me i was told no midwives were available to come out!!! so i ended up having the paramedics out to deliver my baby!! apart from that the whole birth was fine, it was lovely to settle straight into home life with the new baby. I am now expecting again and have opted for another home birth. As long as you have a trouble free pregnancy it should be fine, i to have been met by the frowns about my decision to have a home birth again and find myself having to defend my choice!!! best of luck!!! :) xx

I get very stressed in a hospital environment and have always said I would like a home birth if I ever get pregnant. If I did it, there are certain friends I would not tell (including one who is a paediatrician and only ever sees the births with bad outcomes who need her help). However, I will probably try for a MLU as some friends of ours had a home birth with their first and it went somewhat wrong. The baby was deprived of oxygen and was taken away in an ambulance. Shortly afterwards the mother had a massive PPH and was taken in another ambulance to a different hospital. The father was frantic. The mother recovered well. Unfortuately, the child does have ongoing issues. Having seen the realities close up and the stats that say a first baby is marginally safer in hospital, I am likely to give in to my husband's preference for a MLU.

That's my personal set of circumstances and influences. I would say that if you do go for a homebirth, don't tell people until afterwards.

My mother wasn't keen on me having a home birth with my first.

When I rang after a long labour to tell her her granddaughter had been born she replied "I thought you were both in the morgue".

Am planning another home birth with this DC. Other people's opinions do not matter!

I had 3 Homebirths; I only had one bad reaction & I shrugged it off. Entitled to her own opinion and preferences. I think maybe this should be a no-go discussion area for you & friend; agree to disagree.

There are support groups which are about people getting their birth choices whatever they are. Good ways to find people who are genuinely open-minded.

I still get faces and my last home birth was 6 years ago...

As long as you are happy and prepared, do not worry too much about other people's reactions

Its up to you, but do research it fully. A number of my friends and NCT/wider baby network acquaintances have had home births. Most have been absolutely fine and preferred it. Three were blue lighted to hospital. In one case (but only one) the daughter has suffered brain damage from insufficient oxygen. And one of my friend's baby's died in hospital because the EMCS wasn't quick enough when it went wrong - that wasn't a home birth though - just a terrible tragedy. There are always risks in life. For me, having my babies in hospital was a way to minimise some risks, but risks remain regardless and for some women the fear of hospital outweighs those benefits. Only you can decide.

I planned to have a homebirth with my first 9yrs ago. I got plenty of faces. Funnily enough, the best reactions were from my Mum and MIL who told me many tales of how they remembered homebirth being the norm in the 50's and even 60's when they were younger.

Plenty of people told me I was being really stupid. The mw's were very encouraging.

My homebirth went very well right up to the point of my waters having meconium in them when they finally went. Attending MW said it was a automatic transferral to hospital to be on the safe side. As it happens the birth ended up being a very awkward and pretty horrendous one. Who knows what would have happened if I'd been at home - it may not have been so awful, or it may have been a blue light emergency job.

With my second I wanted a hb but they refused due to my first birth which I thought unfair. Second birth was majorly quick and fuss free

I find this really interesting as I'm from Ireland and homebirths are, I think, really very rare here. It's not an option most women would consider and the reaction to it from the general public is negative to the point of aggression.

I'm a doctor and have only had one encounter with a home birth which tragically went badly wrong, but I have to say spending time on this forum has, if not changed my mind, then at least made me more open to women choosing this option in the context of a very good set-up to facilitate it as safely as possible, as seems to be the case much more widely in the UK than here.

It's very difficult dealing with negative responses when you've done your research and made your decision but ultimately any decision has it's risks (FWIW I had both of mine at home), you'll be feeling vulnerable whatever you decide.

The only massively negative reaction I had was from my aunt who trotted out the "my baby would have died if we'd not been in hospital, you're selfish thinking about yourself and not your child"....I was so upset initially but came to realise her reaction was purely because she'd had a terrifying time with her second birth and pretty shitty hospital experiences with her other two, so in her experience labour and birth is scary and medical.

A few people were a bit but asked proper questions and I learnt to adjust my reasoning depending on whether or not their enquiries were antagonistic or not.

At the end of the day the line "I've done a lot of research and frankly I'm not prepared to take the risks of a hospital birth unless absolutely medically necessary". Most people assume there ARE no risks with hospital births...just point them in the direction of the 2011 Horizon Programme on the shortage of British Midwives to prove your point.

The good news is the second time they won't even ask!

Good luck and congratulations!!

I'm even surprised about peoples reactions on this thread let alone in real life. People are so quick to tell you about homebirth horror stories but who's to say being in hospital would have had a different outcome.

I'm 30 weeks with dc3 and planning a home birth. I've had a few raised eyebrows from family and my Mum is worried about me somehow traumatising our 2 boys by being in labour in the same house as them but other than that not many people have commented negatively. For me the judgment has been from HCP's as I'm actually considered high risk due to my bmi. I have no other risk factors to make me high risk (I have low blood pressure, negative GTT etc) and my two previous labours were straight forward.

The notion that I'd somehow be safer is hospital I find quite laughable as with ds2 I was having intense contractions with a lot of pressure but they said because I was only 3cm I wasn't in established labour. I was moved to the antenatal ward but as it was the middle of the night I was advised to go for a walk round the hospital as DH couldn't stay on the ward outside of visiting hours. I laboured with just dh on my own for just over an 1hr, returned the antenatal ward because I couldn't cope where I got the sudden urge to push, was rushed to a private room and 3 minutes later he was born.

The point of my story is that despite being high risk I wasn't monitored or examined during my labour, literally anything could have gone wrong and no one would have known. I nearly didn't return to the ward when I did and I dread to think what would have happened if I'd been a good 10 minutes walk from the ward when the urge to push had hit me.

Given how quick the last stage of labour was for me I personally think having a dedicated midwife from the early stages of labour will give me a better chance of them picking up complications and transfer me. On the resuscitation point what reassured me was that Midwives carry the same equipment to a home birth that they would have access to in a birth centre.

Sorry that turned into an essay I just find it odd that people assume a better level of care will happen in hospital in every case when it obviously doesn't. We all make our decisions based on our personal perception of risk and I'm pretty sure people could present a horror story for most birth options!

Sorry that should have said I wasn't monitored or examined often despite this being the preference with high risk women. I was examined once and the heart rate of baby was checked once.

thanks all for your reply's, i have done alot of reseach into homebirths and feel quite strongly about it but i think ill just keep my mouth shut and not tell people, there is only one maternity hospital in our area so it will be assumed by everyone that i will be going there.

littlelight82 i am also living in Ireland and it is because of the consultant led care attitude that is prolific in hospitals here that has made me make this decision. the hospitals do not use the most recent NICE guidelines and do not routinely offer evidenced based care instead insist on 'managed labour' which is now frown apon.

the c-section rates are ridiculous in Ireland with one hospital have a rate of 48% , they are all under staffed and i really have very little confidence in haveing a instrument free labour if i went to hospital.

the criteria for homebirth is also VERY strict here which is why is nearly unheard up.

americas i have joined a few homebirth facebook pages and i am also hopeing to do a hynobirthing class. thankfully these FB pages are full of amazing birth stories that i can read

I had a planned home birth with DS3 16 years ago.

My community midwife suggested at about 34 weeks that I was an ideal candidate for a home birth as I'd had two previous straightforward deliveries. I did a lot of research before making up my mind to go for it, and eventually managed to persuade DH who, after a chat with my midwife, was reassured enough to agree to it. We were lucky to live in an area where the rate of home births is much higher than the national average & the system is very much geared up to helping women avail of a home birth if their pregnancy is low risk.

DH & I made the decision to tell absolutely NOBODY because we knew we would get nothing but negativity from our families. A couple of friends had planned home births but had gone overdue so ended up with hospital births. We eventually told a close friend as I got hear my due date as she had offered to look after DS1 & DS2.

Everything went perfectly & it was an amazing experience which I will treasure forever. My poor DM nearly fainted with shock when I told her DS3 had been born at home, but there was nothing she could do or say once it was all over.

LittleLight82 I completely agree with you about attitudes to home birth in Ireland. DS3 was born in the UK but DH's family are Irish & we now live in Ireland. I've noticed that people here are generally horrified at the thought of home birth and if it comes up in conversation that I had a planned home birth with DS3 it is greeted with incredulity & negativity. Indeed, DH's family were thoroughly appalled when we told them . I only know a couple of women here who have had home births as it is not at all easy to access unless you employ an independent midwife, and I have heard that many independent midwives are no longer practising because it is very difficult for them to get insurance to cover home births.

I work in a hospital and have heard countless horror stories about hospital births going wrong too. Including a newborn baby who was left brain damaged after the hospital staff failed to monitor oxygen levels. Wherever you give birth there are risks. I think the best place is where you feel safest and most comfortable.

I agree with keeping your homebirth plans secret to avoid hearing all the helpful stories.

Agree with trinpy, there are risks wherever you have a baby. It's just that if bad things happen in hospital no one blames the mother.

I didn't tell anyone about my homebirth for my second. I told a couple of people that I was thinking about it and I got cats bum faces and a look like I was a crazy, irresponsible hippy.

Phoned my mum up after I had my son. Was v amusing to hear her reaction that I was at home on my living room floor.

I liked your post thecakeisalie, it makes a good point about the presumed safety of hospital births. At least in a homebirth they would always do a thorough check to make sure there are no problems, because you are home, and there wouldn't be other people pressing the call button taking your midwife away, she wouldn't disappear for 45 minutes for handover or go and take stock or help with another delivery etc etc....? I am a midwife and can honestly say hospitals are a lot less safe that some people may think, simply because we are so busy all the time your concentration goes down to the floor and you are constantly knackered and over-whelmed. Homebirth in comparison is bliss because you only have one patient to care for

rokin20's I had a homebirth on my first DC, I lived in NZ at the time and where its more "acceptable" however I did get a lot of "your brave" comments. My brother told my I was being irresponsible and that it was dangerous. I had more than a handful of people telling me that their baby would have died had they not been in hospital.

I had a wonderful birth it was only 4 hours, it was just lovely to be at home instead of a noisy ward. I really believe my baby slept and fed so well because of her relaxed entry to the world.

I am in Ireland now and a bit shocked to see how most pregnancies are "managed" by obstetricians. I am 8 weeks pregnant and have decided on another homebirth, I do meet the strict criteria which is great. I'm sure I'll get more of the same comments but I trust my ability to give birth unaided and if something does go wrong I can always be brought to hospital.

good luck

Lavender Fox, that pretty much sums up my concerns about a hospital birth and is why im opting for a homebirth if possible. My Community Midwife is really supportive and we are only 5 mins away from the hospital so according to her I could probably transfer in quicker than they could move me from one room to the theatre in the hospital!

Monitoring was my main concern which is resolved completely by homebirth, even if it results in a transfer at any point so fingers crossed it all works out!

This is why I didn't tell anyone I was planning a homebirth, the family were so shocked when we called them afterwards (but too excited about the new baby to make judgy comments )

I agree 100% with the comments about lack of monitoring in hospital, my experience with dc1 was very similar to thecakeisalie 's. It was a total no brainer to me, 1-1 care at home with a trained mw or being ignored in a hospital with no monitoring at all? It doesn't matter how many experts or what amazing equipment is available if no one is aware that you need them.