Help. Pregnant and not only is partner not keen – and taken risky meds.

[hcat123]

It has come as a huge surprise that I am pg. I found out this week after being concerned that I had no break though Pill bleed this month and also I had sore breasts and some sickness. GP confirmed on Wed am and estimates I am 6 week. I am 30 and in no stable position workwise, I am working as a temp and still trying to sort out debt that has accrued to due personal circumstances over the past few years, I live in a rental property which is a house share. My chap and I are very much in love and couldn’t be happier – we genuinely feel that finally we both found someone right for each other - but we only met in November and so it’s still a very young relationship.

Clearly this pregnancy has not been planned and was a complete mishap, and my chap has already expressed quite clearly he can’t support the idea. Hard as that is to hear, I appreciated his honesty. He also explained to me that he has been on a cocktail of drugs before he met me – and old finished taking them in October last year.
The drugs were for the remains of a medical issue and included steroids by injection and Prozac 40mg. I am now panic struck. Firstly because I never ever want to terminate a baby but I am terrified to go it alone. And secondly – what are risks with the drugs he has taken – I know he was warned about not conceiving whilst taking them due to risks of birth defects. It is probably worth saying that my chap is a divorcee (2 years ago) and already had to children between age 4-7.

My biggest problem is that I am not sure an abortion is possible for me because I feel it would destroy me emotionally, ultimately I have wanted children my whole life, and it would hurt so much to put an end to it all.

But the worries above also stand and I never imaged I would be pregnant and so alone. I always imagined I would be punching the air when I found out that one day I was pregnant. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Please help.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I would suggest getting a full list of the medication and going to discuss the risks with your GP.

Only you can decide if keeping the baby is right for you. I don't feel like I can offer much advice here.

Good luck

I'm not going to be much help I'm afraid but didn't want to read & run.

Firstly the drugs - he stopped taking them in November and you conceived mid December is that right? If I were you I'd speak to a doctor about how long they take to come out of his system/ likelihood of affects, what those might be etc.

Second is the fact that he doesn't want this child. The reality is that if you continue the pregnancy, it might be as a single parent. OR he might get his head around it and be a great dad fx fx - but you can't rely on that. Could you cope as a SP? Does he want children at all and does this affect things?

I think these two issues need really deep thought first before worrying about finances and housing, as they might be the deciders for you whether to continue your pregnancy.

I'm very sorry this isn't the happy time you imagined, but I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

You need to talk to a HCP about the medicines your DP was taking two months or so before conception.

I do not have relevant qualifications in this, but Prozac has (I think) only been associated with conditions in the baby if the woman takes it during pg. it can decrease sperm production, but doesn't affect the baby when it is the man who takes it. And it clears the body pretty quickly after you stop taking it. Do you know which steroids and why?

I was wondering from your post if he is using medicines as a kind of bogeyman to pressure you towards a termination. That is why you need to get proper advice on whether preconceptual exposure poses any risk at all.

Do not let yourself be talked into a termination you do not want.

I was wondering that too scaevola but I think there is enough info about impact on sperm quality to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The important thing is OP that there is no evidence this would affect the baby - even in rat studies there was no evidence of birth defects or impact on growth or development. By all means ask your doctor for reassurance but I don't think this should be a major contributing factor to your decision.

Thanks for all input, instinctively my partner is panicked by the whole situation and in all honesty – I think he had had a lot going on before he met me and only last year was feeling that things were beginning to straighten out. Messy past marriage and battle for access to his kids. So from his perspective I think he couldn’t imagine anything worse – not in terms of a bay – but in terms of timing and what he can cope with emotionally, mentally and financially.

In reference to the reason behind the steroids – well that is a serious medical condition which came about some years ago, which is almost cleared up but they will continue to do course of steroids until every trace is gone. I think it was steroid injections but you are right – I need to know more specifics so that I can go back to my own GP and discuss any potential impact on foetal development.

That said, we have discussed children and future plans together and we have always been on the same page there. But neither of us expected to be looking at this decision so soon – in my head it was something that maybe would be a plan a couple of years ahead.