How to tell new employer I'm pregnant...???!

[frannie2013]

Hi All,
This is my first post here and was hoping you might be able to help.
I started a new job mid Dec, having just left where I was after 7 years as I was bored and this great new opportunity came up.

BF and I were 'semi-trying' but due to a variety of reasons expected it to take ages. however turns out I got pregnant during the week between jobs - yey!!! ooops! currently 7 weeks and got my scan end of Feb where I'll have all the tests (I'm 39).

my probation period is 6 months so legally I need to tell them before my probationary period is up.

Does anyone know what my legal position is? i.e. could they extend/curtail my probationary period and let me go (The job I have is quite long hours and demanding, quite male dominated etc - I'm the only female director).

My plan is to wait for as long as possible - say end of month 4 if not longer - to tell them, basically till i've 'proven' myself so that should I want to return after work (will probably have to) I have that option but i still think it will be a shock so any suggestion on how to tell my new boss would be great! (whilst my job is mentally challenging it is sat in meeting rooms all day most of the time and so far i'm feeling fine - if just with the usual - i think - anxiousness of "is it all ok in there?!")

i'm a little annoyed as i just wish i'd stayed with my previous place as they were great there (I still see and talk to them lots) and i think would have been more supportive (I've known them all AGES) and delighted for me and would have worked with me on this where as i doubt the new place will - and then i'm annoyed with myself for getting annoyed about something i can't change and also delighted (if scared witless) of having a baby!! can you tell the hormones are kicking in??!!!

Any general, positive, thoughts would be welcome. Sorry to go on!!

It would constitute sex and pregnancy related discrimination if they booted you out on the basis of your pregnancy (you don't need two years' service to bring such a claim - and would seek to recover injury to feeling compensation) - that's not to say they can't try and find a "fair" way to terminate. But I'm sure they are not going to do that. Most companies are worried about litigation and want to play by the rules. I'd hang on a bit too which some might say us unnecessary and life is life (and they can eirk out dates) but that's what I would do - just make sure you give enough notice of wanting to start mat leave!

I'm in a similar situation - got pregnant just after starting new job and 6 month probation. Also male dominated industry - dreading telling my boss, so commenting to follow. I'm 13 weeks and already have a bump (was size 6-8 pre pregnancy). Don't know how much longer I can hide it, but hoping the men I work with won't say anything for fear of causing offence if I wasn't. Only prob is female PA who keeps making pointed comments about her friend who's just pregnant with third and how'd she'd guessed weeks earlier.

I hope you find the first trimester okay. I really struggled with chronic fatigue, even tho I'm sitting down all day!

I found men far more supportive then women actually. I stopped work but my employers were great. I got a job offer withdrawn by a woman when I told her I was 10 weeks.

I wouldn't worry. They are set up to deal with this kind of thing and the law protects you as well.

Im in almost the exact same position. We were sort of trying and I fell pregnant between leaving one job and starting another. My probation is 3 months and im now 14+4. Still absolutely cacking it about telling my male boss. Someone on mumsnet suggested to tell them asap because if they guess and try and find a way to get rid of you before you tell then they can plead ignornat to your pregnancy. Someone else also pointed out that there is no such thing as a probationary period in the eyes of employment law.

I keep trying to blurt it out however I get unusually shy and chicken out.

By the way congratulations x

Check all their hr policies, make sure you are doing everything spot on, you don't have to tell them you intend to take mat leave until 25 weeks, i.e 15 weeks before the edd.
However you'll have to pay it by ear, I maned to not say anything until week 14 after that, again as pp have said, the males were all v supportive if a little terrified!
It was the exhaustion in the first trimester that was hard so grab naps where you can! Good luck

Hmm I found the opposite... the males wanted me gone as soon as I told them I was pg (at 20w) and suddenly started treating me as if I was made of glass and couldn't handle the job I'd been doing the day before! Yet the females didn't see it as being a hindrance really! Must depend on your bosses!

My current job, told them I was pg (although only about 7w) when they offered me the job, so my permanent job turned into a temporary one. Not technically legal I guess, but as I'm hoping to end up working for them permanently in future, thought it was best to be straight up!

Could you try to negotiate your permanent position a bit earlier? May well be difficult to do it once they know, although I am probably being cynical from experience!

Will only having worked for them for 7-8m before going on mat leave affect how much leave you can take/mat pay? If it does, do you actually want to go back earlier? I know it's very daunting the thought of not having a guaranteed job, but so is knowing you have to go back to work when bubs is only a couple of months old and not sleeping well.

Congratulations on your baby anyway it's an awesome feeling! IMHO, things pretty much always work out better than you expected anyway, even if it takes a little bit longer than you expected!

Exactly the same thing happened to me (albeit 7 years ago). I only intended to tell them at about 15 weeks, but then they wanted to send me on some long and expensive training (public sector so a big deal) which I felt it was morally wrong to take up (didn't plan to return to work) and had to come clean early so that someone else could use the opportunity instead.
Everyone was brilliant (and it was clear from dates i hadnt tricked them, planned it etc) except one v senior woman who refused to speak to me the rest of the time I was there.
The real annoying thing was I'd done 17 years with previous employer, earned lots of goodwill and maternity entitlement, then suddenly was only entitled to the statutory minimum.
Congratulations by the way, such an exciting time!

I got pregnant after 1 month in my new job. So Im in my 6 months probation. I was so worried that I sat my manager down and told her at 9 weeks.

Her reaction, she was so happy hugged me and laughed because I was so worried she statef ny job would never be affected and not too worry anymore as its a happy thibg.

Couldnt have asked for a better reaction. so perhaps your managers may be the same

I got pregnant less than two months into a new job (albeit a low skilled nmw job with female boss, small business). I was scared and wanted to keep it quiet for as long as possible, only then I got hyperemesis and was off sick for 3 months!!! They reacted wonderfully. While it was really hard for my employer to organise cover for me with not knowing when I'd be back or even if, they were only concerned for my and the baby's health. I did return for 3 months on reduced hours before more complications kicked in and when DS was born 2 weeks ago, it was my employer who picked us up from hospital as DH couldn't. When I was pregnant the first time, I had worked in my job for years and they took the news so badly, I was essentially bullied out. You just never know. There are some utter idiots out there but I think the vast majority of people are nice andcaring. So I can't tell you which category your boss falls into but getting pregnant in a new job does not automatically mean doom. Nor does getting pregnant in a long established role mean all will be rosy.

HI Everyone
thank you SOOOO much for all of your supportive and kind comments. It is really reassuring to know that I'm not the only one in this situation, as it does feel like that, especially as we have decided not to tell anyone about having a baby till after all the scans and we know it's all ok (8 weeks tomorrow so getting there!!) so not having anyone I know to bounce it off either is really handy - so thank you!
It is good to see that the majority of employers are supportive and flexible these days - progress! - so I guess I'll just have to wait and see what their reaction is. it is a massive company which really doesn't need any negative publicity but equally they have massive HR and legal teams too... I'll make sure my network is aware soon after too (Hopefully no one will guess too soon but i think i'm beginning to show a bit but putting that down to a big bowl of pasta for lunch...)
i'm not sure if i will want to go back (our living location is MILES from where I work so I weekly commute - I KNOW!!!) but i'd like to keep the option open but in reality unless I can mainly work from home - which is potentially possible - then it might be a no-go anyway, unless we move which isn't going to happen! But financially we kind of need to work something out.
Thank you for all the congratulations too. I keep secretly smiling to myself (whilst trying not to over think everything and panic!!) Yes I'm knackered but as I'm not staying out drinking till midnight (or later) most nights and eating canapes for dinner, waking up with shocking hangovers, and actually i'm looking after myself better than I ever have done since I was about 8, I am feeling alright, if a bit queasy... (Some people's personal hygiene is shocking!!)
I hope you are all feeling well and have had a great day.
Thank you so much again
xx