Can I vent?!?!

[deabea]

Well as above really, if I don’t rant online I might do it in real life and cause offence or my head might explode. I’m really sorry about the long post.

I’m 13 + 4 today and have been lurking around MN since I found out I was pregnant but not has the guts to post yet. This was an unplanned (but very happy surprise) pregnancy and I spent the 8 weeks leading up to the 1st scan a nervous wreck and convinced I’d had a mm or that there would be nothing there and the whole thing be imagined by me, turns out I was wrong about one thing after all The constant worrying/niggling/what-ifs have been horrendous; I had no idea how stressful this whole thing would be.

Close family and DP of 10 years have been wonderful, still only a select few know and I would like to keep it that way for as long as poss. I just can’t get over the constant unwanted and unwarranted pearls of wisdom that those who do know insist on imparting. I know if this all goes ahead I will have sleepless nights, can forget about meals out, will have no money, no life and no holidays for the foreseeable future but if I get told “oooh enjoy your sleep while you can, you won’t get much of that when the baby is here” one more time I may thump them. My best friend even wrote that in my birthday card when I was only 11 weeks, I haven’t seen her since…

This morning after being nervous about buying or looking at clothes I allowed myself a little look at gender neutral clothes, thinking perhaps I should relax a little and enjoy this like people keep telling me to. I mention this to a colleague (who I normally adore but for some reason is now driving me up the wall every time she opens her mouth) who responds with -
“Really, are you sure?!” “I’m so surprised” “Is it not a little early for all that” “Hmmm don’t you want to have the first scan before you start buying” “Clothes aren’t practical, you won’t need that many at first” “You need to worry more about the big items like pram and cots etc” “How much is it (it was £12 for a long sleeved vest, expensive I know but I thought it was gorgeous), OMG you can buy a 3 pack for that price” She then proceeded to show me a single, hideous, Mamas & Papas babygrow for £14
And then to top it off “Well, I suppose it is up to you, if you want to buy something to treat yourself you can do” I reminded her in the nicest way I could that I was simply telling her I was looking at clothes and not asking for her permission. Then she gave me a list of all the things I will need that are more practical and when to buy. She doesn’t even have children.

So now I am on the next doom and gloom train of thought as in my excitement I have bid on a couple of items from eBay this morning and have now convinced myself I have jinxed things.

So if anyone got to the end of that, well done and thanks!
I thought the pregnancy rage had ended but it seems it has come back even stronger, I won’t even start on the idiotic things DP has said.
How do you deal with the stupid comments and advice when not even asked for?
Does the feeling of dread ever go away or is it just me?

A close friend of mine sat me down at lunch the other day and todl me her nightmare breastfeeding story, and to 'not even try it', then followed it with ''My advice is to ignore everbodies advice as everyone has something to say about everything...''.. irony.
So i am taking her advice- smile and nod and take it all in.

The 'your life is over' thing bugs me too. It cant be true, or else humanity would have ceased to exist! You're going to have to learn to become immune to it- people mean well, they're just trying to help.

You just described my early pregnancy experience. I learnt quickly to answer "its a baby" to " do you know what you as having?" and " don't worry I have shares in .... concealer" for "you'll never sleep".

I am now pissed of at 38,2wks "so, um I am looking at dates to visit you and the baby, do you think you'll have had it by ....?"

just grin, bare and don't tell people much! oh and make it clear if you don't want people touching your bump!!

My life is far from over and maternity leave is the best thing ever.

Agree with the smile and nod and ignore

You'll need to get good at it because it gets worse when the baby gets here.

I'm being bombarded with you need to wean chat. I smile, glaze my eyes and say 'the WHO says 6 months'.

No offence to anyone who's weaned 'early', but just not what we want to do.

I do know people are trying to help and the no sleep / your life is over thing seems to be the standard response when someone tells you they are having a baby (I've probably done it myself pre-pregnancy - woops) but I just want to tell them all to feck off, I know it won't be easy that's why I'm freaking out most of the time.
The nightmare stories are lovely too, everyone seems to want to outdo the each other with stories of 3rd/4th/5th(!) degree tears and not being able to poo for months. Grim.
I need to practice by grinning, looks more like a grimace at the moment

I am SO with you - especially as regards the 'you'll never get any sleep and your life will be over' advice. Why are people so down on having babies??? Sometimes it's like a competition as to how little sleep you survived on and for how long! Live is not 'over' when you have a baby: it's just different! Rant over.

I am being told I look enormous, am 19 weeks, and know I am not that big. I respond with "yes I always get really big when I am pregnant" for whatever reason this seems to shut them up. They do not tend to tell me about what I need etc as this is not my first, thank goodness. I am glad it's winter as I can hide my bump with my cost and fend off most unwanted comments until nearer the time,

I know exactly where you're coming from. The 'advice' thing really stresses me out as I am the type of person who likes to quietly do my own thing with zero interaction from anyone else. I go round to the MIL's and come back fuming. I think you honestly have to ride a lot of it out, but I am rehearsing in my head the phrase 'well every body's different and it's about finding out what works best for you etc'. I plan on using it something in the near future before I explode.

As for buying stuff now, just go ahead and enjoy yourself. It's a positive part of looking ahead. All this stuff can be re-sold easily so there's no harm in splurging if it makes you feel good.

Personally I've learnt to avoid starting conversations about the baby to avoid any unwanted advice.

Just remembered one of my great responses!!

work colleague-" oo that's it now, no more lattes for you..."

me-" shit, do you have the number for the abortion clinic!????"" funnily enough she never did tell me about her 'horrific birth'!!!

iwillorderthefood I cannot believe people are that rude, to actually say you are huge!!!! the barefaced cheek of them!
That's really mean.
Even when people ARE big i tell them they're really neat. It's what i'll want to hear when i get huge!

The nightmare labour stories are the best though- Iran into a friend at lunch time who proceeded to tell me about her sister who's barse split open (ie her fanny ripped all the way to her arse) during labour and needed something like 30 stitches.. Cheers for that!!!

ChicaMomma - I know someone who needed 50 STICHES!!!
I don't actually but I'm sure someone does.

Perhaps I need to store some quick comebacks for the days where I want to scream at people. I love the latte one and "yes I always .... when I am pregnant" could work in many situations

redcarrot1 thankfully my MIL has been to the USA for the last 3 months so I have only had to encounter her advice once

Aussiebaby I would welcome advice and experiences if I had asked for them, it's just those who tell me how things will be and how I will feel when I am further along/ had the baby/ on maternity / baby is 6 months old. How do they know how I will feel?! And the sleep thing,. I mean even if I sleep for 19 hours a day from now until 9 months preggo I don't think that will make me any less tired when the reality of caring for a newborn kicks in.

So yeah...ahem, I do need to lighten up

if it's any consolation deabea you'll probably get used to it- your news is probably only 'out' a week or so, so everyone wants to get their oar in, they'll most likely run out of steam in the next few weeks once they've had their say :)

I was your stage at xmas and our turkey on xmas day was completely ruined by my SIS and SIL having an argument about C Sections- one saying it's the way to go, one insisting it's a nitemare, and so on.. both giving me advice that, like you say, i never asked for in the first place! But I felt most sorry for my husband and brother and dad really!!

I checked into a swanky restaurant on FB last weekend and the replies were:

''May as well, your life is over come june!''

''ooh, no room there for buggies''

... and so on.

whatevs!!!

I really do know the feeling! Unfortunately I can't tell you it stops.... neither the comments nor the rage it's got to the point now where unless they have a baby (and even then, unless I've specifically asked them for parenting advice), I nod and wander away mid-conversation. Kind of makes the point clearly a little rude, but so is telling me my life is over and I'll never sleep again! I'm 26 weeks and still getting it

I am so with you it does start to grind on you really quickly - with me my increase in hormones takes away my usually very patient manner. First time round I had an arrangement with my wonderful bff that we would only talk about my pregnancy if I initiated the conversation. It was wonderful escaping to "normality" gossiping and catching up after spending the whole day answering the same questions about when's it due, do you know what it is, names etc etc. It helped that none of my close friends had kids so there was lots of gossip to keep us occupied !