First pregnancy and terrified

[katelauraxo]

Hi everyone, I don't know if anyone can help or tell me theyve felt the same way, but I'm 23 in a stable relationship, and found out im 6ish weeks pregnant. I'm absolutely terrified for many reasons. Firstly I feel like a failure to my mum and dad, and a massive disappointment. Secondly its the financial side that really worries me. Me and my partner live month to month on our wages which just about caters for the odd trip to the cinema plus all essentials. I've tried researching online any financial help we can receive but im struggling to find anything of use. I think if i can find something maybe my parents won't be as disappointed in me.
Has anyone been in this sort of situation and its worked out okay? and where did you go to for advice?
thank you :)

Hey kate someone will by who has been through something similar, but just to reassure you:

• you're not shockingly young so no reason for your parents to be mega-surprised. OK so at 23 a lot of people are immature but that doesn't have to be you: it's certainly nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of, you're an adult, and then some (no-one should be ashamed at any age really but there is a social stigma about having a baby in your teens);
• having a baby at this age means you will still have time to forge a career at a relatively young age - I would have much preferred to have kids younger (am 33 expecting my first) but I didn't have a decent partner - it sounds like you do;
• someone will be along with more practical advice on the financial front, but things will work out;
• Just to repeat, don't feel embarrassed, it takes two to tango and you will cope.

xx

My dh became a dad at 23 (previous partner) said child dss is now 18 and just been accepted to Cambridge. Oh and he is an absolutely delightful young man who we are all very proud off!!

Hi Kate, I agree with Brodicea that 23 is not shockingly or terribly young to have a child ( plus they take a while to arrive!). I think a lot of women are questioning the wisdom of trying to establish a career before having kids only to stall it in their 30s. I'm 31 and expecting my first and don't think that's necessarily better than your situation. We're financially stable but there are other downsides to waiting. You will get some assistance, such as child benefit and maternity pay, but should try to put a plan in place to save a little over the next 8 months if possible.

If you are happy I would recommend you lead with that when you tell your parents to clue them in on the correct response: "We have exciting news, we're having a baby!". Don't go into it sheepish and apologetic as that's more likely to prompt a negative, anxious reaction.

Good luck and congratulations!

"children don't have to cost much at all for the first few years" -I've been kind of thinking that myself but it's reassuring to see someone else say that!

OP, I reckon nobody ever feels ready really. :)

heya im 23 and when I found out I honestly thought aww shit what are my family going to think! After I told them and they got over the shock they are fine. They are looking forward to the baby coming and being grandparents. However what I found out was that its MY life not theirs. Me and my partner work full time and like you lived month to month. We have been given hand me downs which saved us a fortune, go to car boots for cheap stuff and look online. its not as expensive as you think.
you'll be able to get child benefit and maybe tax credits? just look online what you're entitled to, it wont hurt to apply. if you are on a low income there's that sure start grant. Plus you get free prescriptions and free dental checks woohoo!
pm me if you have any questions hun. you are not alone! !! and most definitely not a disappointment. hugs

my mum was 23 when I was born, my dad was 21.

they did ok -in communist Hungary!
you'll be fine. you are not a disappointment.
I would have had mine earlier (DS1 was born a month before I turned 27), but I didn't even meet DH until after I was 23!

Congratulations!

And think about it this way - the younger you have them the more time you get to spend with them, more likely you'll know your grandchildren etc.

honestly, you'll be fine!

First of all, congratulations! Nothing really to add to the great advice given, only to say that a year from now I'm almost certain your parents will be over the moon. It is a scary and shocking time finding out about your first pregnancy, planned or not, so you must first come around to being happy for yourself! When you can think, 'yeah - we CAN do this!' is a great time to tell your parents as they will no doubt be surprised / shocked, but once it sinks in they will I'm sure recognise that you feel positively about the pregnancy and follow suit.

I was 22 when I had my first and now 25 expecting dc2! I did feel quite young at the time but it's makes you grow up! We were still living at home with parents and I was only working part time!! We managed and saved up what we could before dd was born! We did receive child tax credits which was about £100 a month which helped! Depends on your partners wage! We no longer get anything as Dp is on a higher wage (luckily)!
I was worried about my parents being upset with me but they were very supportive and happy! They might surprise you and be the same!
It's a lot to get your head round but you'll be so happy when your holding your little bundle at the end!!
Everything happens for a reason!!

Thank you everyone!
(This is kate btw just tried to change my name on here as realised its a bit obvious :) )
I think because I only just finished Uni I still feel rather like a child, and a part of me wants to really tell my mum and dad that im happy so they should be, but i can honestly say its pretty terrifying, especially as my life plan revolved around a career and getting married (although I don't believe its necessarily the right order), so i thought maybe i'd have let them down.
I think we should reasonably be able to claim something to help a little bit, I suppose im more panicky because I moved away from my parents and need to move back for their (hopefully) help!!
Wishing for a surprise reaction, and thank you all!!! xx

i was 21 and half way through my degree at uni when i found out i had fallen pregnant whilst on the pill. My first thoughts were pretty similar to yours - what will my mum think?! I didnt want her to think i wass throwing my life away and was so worried about telling her.
I finished my degree and got a 2.1 in maths which i was way more prouder of acheiving after going through a pregnancy in my second year and then having a newborn to contend with in my third year.
My mum was over the moon when i told her and couldnt believe i was worried about telling her - she said she would never have thought of me as a failure as she knew i would still get where i wanted in life no matter what came in my path. DS is 6 in a few weeks and im now 6 weeks pregnant with my 3rd! Yes my 20's turned out to be pretty damn hard work next to all of my child free friends, but i get to enjoy my 30's while they are all dealing with new borns and toddlers!

also, you will get help with child care costs etc from the tax credits if you plan on going back to work after baby is born so dont worry about that, this government funny enough tends to reward people the more babies they have so you will actually end up better off for having a child! but thats another debate which we probably shouldnt get in to on this forum! ha