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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Late growth scan, DH disappointed by gender ;-(

11 replies

calamityjane1 · 16/01/2014 12:17

Feeling sad and happy at the same time this morning. I had a fetal medicine scan yesterday at 31 weeks as it seems that I am carrying a big baby with a little bit extra fluid. They were checking for possible abnormalities that can sometimes (very rarely) be a cause for extra amniotic fluid. My main concern was that the baby would turn out to be healthy, and so far it looks as if all is fine, so huge relief there.

We weren't initially going to find out the sex but then decided that if it was visible at this scan then we'd like to know after all. DH was working so mum came with me and it turns out baby is the same model as our older two children ;-) I have had morning sickness all the way through this pregnancy and felt great with the previous two so had almost started to believe the old wives' tales that this meant I'd be having a girl. After a slight initial shock and a moment of thinking, "Oh well, I'll just have to buy girly stuff for my friends' kids instead," I'm really happy that we're having a boy as he will be just as gorgeous and lovely as our older two.

DH? Not so much. He came home with flowers for me but the disappointment was written all over his face. He is a shit liar, bless him, and has been horribly stressed with work so isn't really himself at the moment, but it was just such a shame that he wasn't at all excited. It has made me feel very sad, too.

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princesscupcakemummyb · 16/01/2014 13:32

no real advice on gender disspointment i hope your dh comes around

redcarrot1 · 16/01/2014 13:40

Men are rubbish at being tactful. He'll get over it!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 16/01/2014 13:48

It's OK to be a bit disappointed with the IDEA of another boy.

He won't be disappointed with the actual baby boy you have.

There's no reason for you to be sad, although I get why you are.

You want him to be as happy about the new baby as you are.

It'll be fine.

There's just a THING about having both genders and if this is your last (and it sounds like it is) then he is just :( at the idea of never having a daughter.

I think that knowing things like that can make you feel old, in a way. Like it's a part of your life that has been decided.

But don't feel sad - three boys is a lovely family to have. For some reason I have a few friends with three boys and it's just brilliant :)

Congratulations :)

ChicaMomma · 16/01/2014 15:15

The disappointment will pass- give him time.

i can understand the disappointment too- it's only natural. Once the baby arrives it'll be exactly what you both want- but i cant understand why he wanted a little girl, so dont be too hard on him!

Congratulations on the healthiness of the wee man! that's great.

tinkerbell666 · 16/01/2014 15:18

My dh was a bit 'meh' at our 20 week scan when we discovered ds 3 was another boy, 3 boys in 3 years ! lol, but he soon got over it was was happy at the birth and proud of the terrible 3 :)

CrispyFB · 16/01/2014 16:04

What JoinYourPlayfellows says is so true! Usually a lot of gender disappointment is more down to not ever having a particular sex, rather than what this particular baby is. I guess it's probably better he found out now rather than at delivery day as it will give him time to adjust!

Congratulations on having three boys - that's a rather cool family line-up to be honest!!

Shellywelly1973 · 16/01/2014 16:18

In my family & Exdp family families are predominantly male. We have a dd& then 2 ds. I presumed we'd have another ds.

I was really surprised when we found out it was a dd not ds!

I appreciate how your dh feels. I wanted dd to be a ds. I was very disappointed.

Give him some time...

Believe you me, as a mum of yet another dd heading into the teens - I'd swap 1 dd for 3 ds!

calamityjane1 · 16/01/2014 17:22

Thanks so much, everyone. Very wise words! He is starting to come around already so I feel better now.

Loved what you said about it making you feel old, and that part of life is decided now, JoinYourPlayfellows – you must be an old soul ;-)

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 16/01/2014 18:07

I wouldn't imagine it's the idea of having another boy that's upset him- more like the "loss" of his daughter.

By 31 weeks I bet he'd have built up a little imaginary life with his little girl, and it's only natural to be upset that that won't be as planned.

Congrats on your boy tho :)

whatsagoodusername · 16/01/2014 18:16

DH and I both thought DS2 would be a girl. We didn't think we cared, but when the scan came showing he was a boy, we were both a bit flat and disappointed.

It probably was more loss of an idea/expectation than anything else, but it is still crap when it happens because there's the added guilt of being disappointed about your child.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 16/01/2014 18:21

I actually want any subsequent dcs to be the same sex as my first, byt can understand that he may want to experience what it is like to be the father of a girl.

Congratulations on your pg and am sure your DH will adore having three sons.

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