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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

12 weeks - how did you / will you spread the news?

22 replies

RadgeWeeMidden · 15/01/2014 14:42

Might be a daft question but...
I'll be 12 weeks in my first pg in a couple of weeks times and looking forward to telling my friends. My question is, how did you or how are you planning to do this? Did you tell just your closest friends individually and let the news spread by word of mouth? Group text or individual phone calls? Did you announce it on facebook with your scan picture? Or did you not bother with any announcements at all?

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Writerwannabe83 · 15/01/2014 14:57

We drove rounds for hours carrying out visits so we could tell my parents, my DH's parents, my grandparents, my sister and my best friend to their faces and show them the scan picture at the same time. Then, when we finally got home we took a photo of the scan picture and uploaded/announced it on Facebook

Thatsnotmyfigure · 15/01/2014 15:00

Good question!! I've already made a list in my desperate waiting boredom! Have already told parents and close friends who I'd like to be able to call on if needed support with a mc. I think individual phone calls is nice as far as it's feasible for you. I did siblings then friends. It also gives you the chance to hear the excitement and talk about it a bit more which makes the pregnancy seem more real! I've got a fair few friends with fertility issues/ doing IVF so will make sure I tell them first although that will be hard. In the past friends have told me its even worse when they hear the news second hand. Facebook as a last resort really as it's nice for acquaintances but not great if close friends hear that way imo.
What are your plans so far for announcing?

PenguinsDontEatKale · 15/01/2014 15:16

I am now on pregnancy three and have got less and less keen on announcing (I know, I'm a grump) so more and more word of mouth each time once key people are told. This time, I've hardly told anyone beyond the very close circle until they worked it out from the bump!

Personally I would be wary of a Facebook announcement at 12 weeks unless your friends list is very tight. If anything were to happen, I'm not sure I'd want random people from secondary school who I'm vaguely in touch with, etc to know. I have two distinct levels of Facebook, with a lot of people down as acquaintances and not seeing most stuff.

Think first time we called key family, told some friends as we saw them and texted others. We left my mum to tell my Grandma for example, because that was an exciting thing for her to be able to do and I wasn't bothered by doing it myself.

Original poster

RadgeWeeMidden · 15/01/2014 15:16

I've already told immediate family (parents and sisters) after my 9 week scan which showed everything was fine. I think I'll probably then tell close friends in person where possible and over the phone if they're not close by. And then a few days laters stick it on facebook. I've also got some freinds with fertility issues so I'd like to tell them in person first before they see it on FB!

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Thatsnotmyfigure · 15/01/2014 15:20

That sounds lovely - enjoy the announcing! :)

PenguinsDontEatKale · 15/01/2014 15:21

If you have friends with fertility issues, I would think carefully about how best to tell them.

I have a friend undergoing IVF currently and another with issues, I asked about on the conception board and read some old threads and there were quite a few people on there who appreciated being told in a way where they weren't required to respond immediately - email, text, etc. They said that it gave them space to feel upset for themselves and time to be ready to be genuinely happy for their friend when they spoke. I followed that and one friend took about 48 hours to respond, but then did with a really upbeat message. I think maybe it was tough news for her (especially since we are on no. 3) and giving her that space was wise as she normally replies quickly. That said, there were other people who said it wouldn't bother them to take a call at all. Might be worth thinking about?

eurochick · 15/01/2014 15:28

I don't intend to do any announcing. A few close friends and family members know we have had yet another round of IVF and that I am tentatively pregnant at the moment. I don't want to do a wider announcement.

livingzuid · 15/01/2014 15:29

No announcing here. 20 week scan on Friday and we still have only told a handful of people. We even waited to tell my parents until after the 12 week scan (my mum is a bit unpredictable). All our families now know and key friends as well as work.

But I don't like the FB announcements etc. When I had my mc every time another pg got announced like that I felt like I was stabbed. Not their fault, but it's made me more cautious of how I spread baby news :)

I suspect the next most people will hear of it will be a pic of the baby appearing somewhere on a FB relative's page.

MissSlackPants84 · 15/01/2014 15:30

We told our closest family and friends and thats it. Hate those Facebook announcements!

Original poster

RadgeWeeMidden · 15/01/2014 15:31

Thanks for the tip Penguins thats definitely worth thinking about. A close friend lost twins recently at 5 months (at the same time as I had a mmc) so I know she may find it very difficult. I thought she would appreciate being told in person, but perhaps thats not the case

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mrsmugoo · 15/01/2014 15:34

Told our family first, then close friends, then other friends - always by phone call or face to face. Even now at 31 weeks some friends are still popping up to say they've only just heard by word of mouth!

No group texts, no Facebook announcement. Saving that for when baby is safely in my arms.

Original poster

RadgeWeeMidden · 15/01/2014 15:47

Interesting to hear people's responses to putting it on facebook. Thats one of the reasons I asked the question. I'm not really sure about announcing it on fb either, but I do quite like seeing other people's accouncements (when its someone I know but not well enough to be told personally)

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StarsInTheNightSky · 15/01/2014 15:50

No announcing here either, I'm 20 weeks and we only told parents at 16 weeks, and even then we were very reluctant to tell them, and they have been sworn to secrecy!
Other than that, only my work and my husband's work (line managers and HR only) know. The fact that I work from home, and am currently signed off have made it easier to hide! We're not telling any other family or friends until baby is here.
That being said our views are more conservative because of previous losses, some later on in pregnancy despite being told everything was perfect earlier on.

I do agree about facebook announcements too, they can be really tough on people who have had or are having problems, and they can come across as very smug and insensitive. I'm not saying yours would be like this, but if you are going to do it please, please word it carefully as there are so many people out there with problems that you wouldn't know about.

Hope that doesn't sound too negative!

LastOneDancing · 15/01/2014 16:03

We told parents and closest friends in person straight away as we'd have cried all over them told them anyway if the worst happened, so thought it was also important for them to share the joy!

As for everyone else, it was just word of mouth, as and when we saw them. It was lovely to drip feed the news actually, got a few new congratulations every so often.

No FB pics or announcements, although a few status' have referred to the baby in later weeks. I'm happy to see others scan pics etc but it's just not the way I roll...

peeapod · 15/01/2014 16:07

I have a lot of online friends so I told people through private messaging, email etc. I tried to keep it one2one regardless of how I did it. I was sensitive to peoples feelings who I knew had a past.

I'm now open about it on fb..

If you have a big group of friends on fb who you dont think want to know set up a group to share baby related news...

CrispyFB · 15/01/2014 16:38

I did announce DC2 on Facebook, but that was back in 2008 and my friends list was a tenth the size it is now, and mostly close friends! These days I feel a bit weird about it. We never announced anywhere for DC3 (high risk in several ways) and the first most people heard of it was when I posted a photo of him to Facebook. Can't hide them forever after all! With this one, there was no big announcement, just a few mentions dropped into the conversation here and there, photos with me with obvious bump etc. For the most part I never told unless somebody asked - one of our neighbours only found out this morning and I am 30 weeks and I have seen her most days, albeit not in the last month due to Christmas and stuff.

I dunno, I just feel a bit weird about big announcements now. This one took 14 months to conceive and a lot of testing (including surgery) and even though it is DC4, and we are so very very lucky to have three DC already, it still hurt every time I saw a FB scan photo splashed up. Somehow the words seem less painful. So I figured if I could feel bad when I already have three DC, how would others who have none and want them (and with acquaintances you would never know after all) feel if I did similar? So I didn't.

Having said all that, I think when it's your first it's also a bit less painful for people too, so it's more allowable to make a big announcement because it is such a huge life milestone to be expecting your first baby. With subsequent ones, there's an element of deja vu too. I never really minded people expecting their first, I'd just feel more of a twinge at people on 2+! Brains are funny things.

Scotmum83 · 15/01/2014 16:47

We've told immediate family only and want to wait until after the 12 week scan before telling friends. Although sounds like my scan will be around 14 weeks so may tell a few close friends before then. It took me 18months to get pregnant so being a but cautious of making a big announcement also had bleeding at 7 weeks which gave us a scare . It's quite nice to keep it to ourselves at the moment! :)

DontCallMeDaughter · 15/01/2014 16:50

We aren't doing any big announcement, just telling people as and when we see them - its becoming pretty obvious now anyway!

Nahmate · 15/01/2014 17:46

We didnt do any announcement. Just told people closest to us. This time (Dc4) we've only told my mum. In-laws and very close friends. I got fed up of the stupid comments with Dc 3 "dont you have a telly" etc.

So far at 24weeks no ones noticed! Only because I haven't got a bump yet :( normally im massive by now!

randdom · 15/01/2014 17:52

We told three people before the scan. Close friends after the scan and let other people hear by word of mouth. I have decided not to put it in Facebook not that I have a huge problem with Facebook announcements it is just not for me

cravingcake · 15/01/2014 18:44

I did a facebook announcement after we'd told all the close family & friends... Was something like i was 16 weeks pregnant with DC1 for the royal wedding and 16 weeks pregnant when the royal baby was born - whats the chances of that. I have a lot of family & friends all over the world and am quite select with people i friend.

While i agree you should be sensitive to others (especially if you know of a situation where it could be upsetting) its also your news to share how and when you like. A little bit like putting wedding planning updates when someone is going through a tough divorce.

livingzuid · 15/01/2014 19:15

Sorry but been through a difficult divorce and a traumatic mc. Would pick having to go through the divorce every time - wouldn't wish a mc on my worst enemy. At a certain age group I think you've got to be sensitive about what you post. Infertility and miscarriages affect so many more people then I ever realised and I'm with the other poster who said it can come across as smug. I know that at least two couple friends of mine have been trying and failing for years and whilst they are always happy for their pg friends it hurts like a mofo at the same time every time another scan pops up on their news feed.

I had people tag me specifically when they were married and pregnant just because it was a one-upmanship show. No longer friends on FB or in rl with them. Not saying you would do that OP! it's just an example of how crass people can be.

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