Partners Reaction to pregnancy...

[Mummyinpink1289]

Hi All,

Just wondered what your partners reactions were when they found out you were expecting? me and my DH had been trying for a month yet when hes actually found out just under a week ago hes now freaking out about everything - what if hes not a good enough father? what if something goes wrong ? every thing he could possibly worry about he is!

Is this a normal reaction?

My DH was the same...in all fairness we weren't actually TTC. I was in denial for the first day or so while he was pretty excited but after the initial excitement he was worried about money, how it's going to affect our lifestyle and all sorts. I ended up crying a few times thinking he doesn't want the baby at all but after a week or so he got really excited again and all is good now. Hopefully yours won't be freaking out for much longer either...good luck!

My dh was really horrible about it. Even though we had been trying and even though we'd had a mmc three months before (that pregnancy was also planned, he was horrible about that one too).

Both times I knew I was pregnant very early, I took tests, he flatly refused to believe them when they came out positive. This prefnancy we went on holiday when I was 5 weeks, he was trying to encorahe me to have a beer with dinner, made no comment when I was uncomfortable sitting wot heavy smokers in resteraunts (we were in Europe), made no effort and was not concerned I was carrying heavy bags. I don't think I is ever felt so alone. I asked him if he even wanted the baby to which he replied "I don't know", which seeing as we'd been trying I'll never really forgive him for.

He's got better, he's excited now, but at the beginning he was awful. I think if I had have miscarried again I would have left him.

Gooduck with your pregnancy, if your dh is worrying about being a good dad etc, I'd take that as a good sign.

God, sorry for all the mistakes, I'm on an iPhone which clearly hates me!

lol, hes super excited - one minute hes having a downer and worrying he wont be enough for his baby, this will be my third but his first and i think its coming as a huge shock that hes actually going to be important to someone - i have told him hes important to my 2, who are 3 and 6 but i know itl be different as he will be the only father figure for this baby - he will be Daddy for the first time and hes a worrier anyway. Im not a worrier so i find it hard to understand!

PG 1/ We had split up, pg a complete accident, on the pill. "Oh no! I don't want a baby, can you have an abortion, its a bad idea, you'll ruin our lives" etc etc.
DS was born, he was at the birth, we got back together, he has been a great dad.
PG 2/ Another accident, using condoms. "OMG are you serious? We cant afford another baby! How could you do this to us? Get rid of it!"
DD was born, he was at the birth, he worships his girl and is still a great dad!
PG 3/ (15 years after DD) PG on cerazette, turned out to be ectopic/mc.
"Well I don't agree this is a good idea, I think you should get rid of it, but Ill back you" He held my hand throughout and was an excellent source of support.
PG 4/ Planned by both of us after MC, "OMG, we must be mad. This is not a good idea, We should get rid of it."
PG 4/ when we discovered she had problems... "We cannot do this. Get an abortion". She is still with us, due march. He is a tower of support. Again.
As you can see, theres a bit of a trend here. He panics. He doesn't like change at all, and just says what pops into his mind. He always comes round and is a damned good parent. We have been together for 22 years this year.
He comes across as a but naff at times like this, but hes pretty lovely really.

H's reaction was: get in! It works!

We had been trying for 4 months, which isn't a long time, but long enough to get it through our heads what we were doing. To be honest, I think I was more surprised when we fell, as I had it in my head it was going to take about a year! Don't know why, especially as I've not been on any birth control in nearly a decade so I didn't have the faff of hormones settling down.

He is also in my mid30s, dotes on his two nieces, and can't wait to be a dad. I could imagine him reacting differently if it was a mistake (though only initially), or if he was much younger.

I got " are you serious, really, your kidding, your not kidding your being serious" followed by " wow I thought we'd have months off shagging at least 6" "are you sure, do you need to take another test"

I fell pregnant 4 days after he agreed to a 2nd. He went onto shock.

Its taken a few weeks for him to warm up to the idea even though it was planned, it did happen very quickly. Its difficult for men as its not happening to them, it doesn't seam real so it take them longer to take it in.

to be fair my initial reaction was much much worse - on the day i found out i went into shock and convinced myself i had to get rid of it in secret. Looking back now i can see it was just the shock at it happening so fast - had my coil out and 7 weeks later bam, pregnant. He was also convinced it would take 8 months - or that he couldnt have kids. his very initial reaction was 'omg how!? its our first month trying, how did this happen, take another test to make sure!' lol. Hes made me pee on another non digital stick too and walked around with it in the house for the whole night. as if to remind himself this is actually happening!

We hadnt planned this pg (our first together, his 3rd) for so soon. We tried a few years ago but nothing happened and after 1 yr we realised it wasnt the right time for us so stopped. Then last year we said we wld move this year and wish to be trying for a baby so last year i came off the pill in preperation (last time we had tried after coming off pill nothing happened after a yr so figured i needed to get my body back to norm, hence coming off a year in advance) 4 weeks i think it took for me to fall. The night before i did the test we had a steaming row and hadnt spoken to each other, i was doing a pg test because i was about to start slimming pills and just wanted to make sure as i hadnt had a period since coming off pill which by then was about 12 weeks previous, saw the lines and couldnt believe it. I went downstairs and told him and we stood looking at the test for ages not really talking lol, we read and re read the instructions as we jst couldnt believe it. We both went to work confirmed to each other we wanted to keep it and that was that lol. He was pleased but scared because of money etc he hasnt been overly excited but assures me he will be once our little boy has arrived!

Plus the relationship with the mother of his 2 girls is extremely fragile and stressful so i think he worries about that, his experience with his girls so far has been really hard and not how it should be but he is an amazing dad to them when he is allowed to see them and so i know this experience will be different for him but i think that over shadows his feelings slightly!

God sorry thats a bit of a story lol and possibly gone off track slightly lol!!

thanks for sharing, a little similar to us but the other way around - i have 2 already and this is his first.
Its just nice to hear other peoples stories to make ur own feelings seem 'normal' sometimes.

We were only ttc for 2months so he really didn't believe the test was going to be positive, but i think he did a fair job of hiding what was obviously a lot of shock and apprehension.
However 2wks later he got tickets to a football game he was desperate to see. Then, I swear he had tears in his eyes!
Now he is super excited and reading up on how to have a brainy baby.

Shock! Unplanned 3rd preg here. I had decided I had ovarian cancer (on pill, 40 years old, pelvic pain and bloating, feeling ill, then pelvic mass...!), but my lovely GP found a foetal heartbeat and thus discovered the pregnancy at 12 weeks. So DH was relieved I wasn't dying, but baffled by my tears while telling him so asked, very calmly and kindly - "So why are you crying? Isn't it mine?" (which it is, of course!) and has been brilliant ever since, though still worried about how if will affect all our lives etc.

Our pregnancy came as a bit of a shock as i had nexplanon in for 3 years and went on to cerazette the day it was removed and conceived a month after swapping to cerazette. I was more shocked than he was! i found out at the doctors and was so shocked i snatched the test and ran home with it in shock. I was petrified DP was going to go nuts and had no idea how to tell him so i took a picture of it and sent it to him saying "well i think this explains why i have been feeling ill" he text me saying "i take it that means you are pregnant?" and then sent me a really sweet text telling me not to worry. when i saw him later on he gave me a massive hug and then started jumping up and down like a kid with a big grin on hi face singing "can we keep it can we keep it". Safe to say he was a bit excited! we are now 14 weeks and he is still as excited as he was the day we found out and is now in the processes of finding us a nice new home to start our family. Not the reaction i was expecting but couldn't have asked for a better reaction :)

Well, the first reaction I got was genuine laughter, I'll never forget it. I told him in the backwards in coming forwards words of "We've got a problem. A 9 month long problem" He found it hilarious and said "Nah, you've not got a 9 month problem cos of me like" but after I assured him that I definitely did, he was actually pretty nice and calm about it although I made the mistake of telling him when he was drunk so the next morning when he woke up, he'd forgotton all about it.

The second reaction was "Oh no, don't tell me you're pregnant!" and staring into space for a good 20 minutes before I had to break the silence. He suggested abortion (more than once) but I told him quite clearly that wasn't going to happen, however, I also said that if he didn't want to be involved that he could let me know there and then and I would leave, raise the child myself and wouldn't ask him for a thing. I don't believe in forcing anyone into parenthood because if that happens, everyone including the child just gets hurt. When I said that, he told me loved me and wanted to be with me so he'd "have to get used to it" - that sounds bad but with the way he said it and the person he is, I knew that it meant he needed time to settle with the idea and that he himself recognised that.

So after about two weeks of talking to his friends, talking to me and and changing his mind about 5 or 6 times, eventually he turned around and said that he wanted the baby. We've even talked about names and he's said that he wants to live with the baby to be able to take care of it and bond.

His face at the scan was priceless. Even more was the reaction to finding out it was twins! The exact words of "Oh my God" will stay with me for life. Also, "I'm more chuffed that it's twins" just shows men think of some things in very weird and wonderful ways.

So, I guess that was a long winded way of trying to say that sometimes men react on fear of change and the "omg, I've screwed up!" mentality leads them to avoid the entire situation for a while. But if you have a bond with someone and you both genuinely care for/love each other then you have the best shot you can have at being successful parents and a successful couple.

love these stories

I think right now hes worried he wont be a good enough father. Ever since i met him he has said his only goal in life is to have a child and be the perfect dad becuase he didnt have that when he was a child. He wants to give this baby everything he never had and hes worrying he wont be able to.

God if we find out were having twins ill be the one freaking out cos i have 2 children already eek. Slightly worried about this after a medium telling me i was going to have twins a year and a half ago!

I didn't believe the first 5 tests I took so he was the one saying "I promise, you are pregnant!"

He was over the moon but we had been trying for absolutely ages and using fertility drugs so a bit of a different situation!

With dc1, he exclaimed that he had super sperm!
With dc2, he exclaimed that his little fellas were clearly still good!
With dc3 he exclaimed that after baby is born (due April) he is going to have to visit the vet, as there's clearly no stopping his bad boys!!

DH has always been much more broody than me so I felt a bit weird when initially he seemed underwhelmed to me crying with joy and waving a piss soaked bit of plastic with a blue cross in his face; he was actually just taking the information in and can't wait to meet our DS.

We told DH's DF. DF vigorously shakes DH's hand "WELL DONE!!!"
We told my DF. DF vigorously shakes DH's hand "WELL DONE!!!"

We had been TTC for 3 months when

Oops! Premature post.

Upon telling DH he demanded to see the stick. Then spent 20 mins going "ok , erm, omg ok"
He now freaks out on a regular basis "what were we thinking?" and then proceeds to looks for things to do. Like fixing things around the house, making budget lists and random baby purchases.

Its probably just mens way of coping. :)

My boyfriend said the words ever woman wants to hear..."oh"

Once he'd accepted it he congratulated his sperm for being super strong.

His little face at the 12 week scan was a picture. Made my heart melt...showed me just how excited he is.

i cant wait to see DH face at the scan, i think then he will properly realise that this is happening and he is going to be a Daddy. hes worrying atm about mc etc and doesnt want to get too set on the idea just incase the worst happens so the scan for both of us will be a bit moment.
I am totally milking the whole 'baby wants a drink' 'baby wants you to pass her the controls' etc ha. totally working atm - not sure how long this will last though but as soon as i use the baby card he does whatever i ask bless him.