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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Weird q...

22 replies

Lilyrose13 · 13/01/2014 21:43

So, weird question.
I'm really broody, but live in my DP's parents house so it's not a great place to have a baby?! Just wondered whether you ladies had it all planned or just played by ear?
We are looking for places to rent as we speak tho!
Thanks

OP posts:

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Clargo55 · 13/01/2014 21:52

The broodiness may not just disappear after having a baby, so I would plan for the long term. Think it would work out easier in the long run to have your own place and a good level of finance.

fizzlerooo · 14/01/2014 05:26

definitely planned, you won't want to be moving house pregnant abs boot able to lift anything too heavy, or be having to entertain a toddler whilst moving!

Quodlibet · 14/01/2014 05:30

I think you definitely need to make sure you can live with someone in your own place and running a household together before you consider having a baby together.

Roshbegosh · 14/01/2014 05:33

How does he feel about it? You are not the only one involved in this decision.

greentshirt · 14/01/2014 07:59

We made sure we were in a good place first, we've got our own house and are married. Bring married was important to me, but obvs doesn't make a difference. One purely practical thing that would have bothered me is that as soon as you have a dependant your mortgage affordability changes so you can borrow less so for us it was important to get that sorted in advance!

VJONES1985 · 14/01/2014 09:02

My dh and I rent our home and it's unlikely we will have a mortgage for a long time so we decided to have children first. It was all very planned out (eg. We now earn enough money to do it comfortably) and we both wanted to be married for a couple of years before being parents.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/01/2014 09:24

Well I had DS at home with my parents. I was a single parent until DP got his act together. My parents ROCKED!
However, I wouldn't dream of planning a pg whilst living at home without even discussing it with them first!

blacklily3 · 14/01/2014 09:27

Hi VJONES :c)

Lol - very similar situation when I got pregnant with my first! My DP is actually 7 years younger than me (I am 32 now lol). He has always wanted children and I thought I never did. We lived in his parents house when we talked and decided we were going to try for a baby, now I had been on the pill for years and after a little research knew it could take up to a year or more to get PG. I came into a little inheritance and we decided to start house hunting (renting to start with) and I came off the pill, within 12 month I was pg (I clearly mind blocked the 'up to' part lol) so we found somewhere to rent, got a puppy shar-pei and moved out whilst I was about 4 month PG. It worked out for us, less than a year later we managed to buy a house and we moved again when DD1 was about 8 months). I have no regrets and am now PG with number 2 - sometimes it was stressful and I wondered what the hell we were doing (just yesterday I was wondering the same thing as all our family members have moved a little further away over the past year) but overall it has been great and I love my whole family. In retrospect a little planning would have gone a long way, however I have spent most of me life flying by seat of my pants and if I never did that and planned everything to a T I would not be where I am today and I am happy :c) (9 year ago I hated my job so quit and moved to Scotland where my sister had just moved to and have never looked back).

Good Luck

Twinkletron · 14/01/2014 09:32

Uni, career, house, marriage, baby! Planed, we've been together 10 years and it's taken a while to get everything in place as we wanted (house, finances, career etc) but we are really happy with the decisions we made and waiting meant that we are financially stable (had baby at 33!)

Writerwannabe83 · 14/01/2014 09:32

My friend and DH recently moved back into her parents home because they were struggling financially to manage living in their own. When she asked her mom if they could move back in she was 9 weeks pregnant but she kept out that detail. Her mom agreed to them moving in, so they did, and then a month later they broke the news to her that they were having a baby. It was very, very unfair and I still can't believe she did it. Baby is now 6 months old and my friends parents are really struggling with having a baby there 24/7 - it has caused quite a tense and uncomfortable strain on the family dynamics. You have to speak to your DP's parents before you make any decision, you can't just force a baby upon them in their own home. If they say they don't want that kind of set-up then you will have to either move out or re-think your plans.

LastOneDancing · 14/01/2014 09:50

It was a plan 6 years in the making - work, save, work, save (while ignoring the broodiness).

Then all of a sudden we were in our own house in March, married in May and pregnant by July.

It was hard, especially when others were on to second babies, but I'm so very glad we were patient.

Sorry if I'm wrong OP, but you sound quite young? Is there any other reason you feel the need to TTC right now, other than being broody?

blacklily3 · 14/01/2014 10:03

Apologies - small screen lol I meant Hi LilyRose lol

eurochick · 14/01/2014 10:05

Very much planned - waited until we were both ready emotionally and were in a stable financial position.

MyNameIsWinkly · 14/01/2014 10:12

Yes, very much planned - married, career, mortgage, car, savings then baby.

MyNameIsWinkly · 14/01/2014 10:14

My sister lived with our parents for the first three years of her oldest child's life, but she was a single student at the time so didn't have a great deal of choice. There were times when it was very challenging for all concerned and I doubt any of them would recommend it.

Of course there are many cultures where several generations live under one roof, but I'm guessing from the way you're asking that this doesn't apply.

Suzietwo · 14/01/2014 10:22

Not particularly planned

We had only been together a few months but I had a flat and a job so decided I'd cope whether relationship worked or not. Changed everything within a year of baby being born (both quit jobs, him to go to college me to go self employed and moved to new town). It's all worked out fine.

In your situation i would make sure I wasn't taking the piss - ie if you want baby you need to be able to do it without relying on anyone other than you and bloke. Not fair to bring them into it.

Lj8893 · 14/01/2014 10:28

Ours wasent planned, but we were in a fairly good position. We were renting privately, we were financially secure. We hadnt been together long but knew we were both in it for the l

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 14/01/2014 10:29

Well mine were planned but we did it all in the wrong order. I'd never consider it ok to get pregnant while living with parents. We had dc1 got married when she was 6 months, had dc2 then bought our first house (rented up until then ) it's harder though this way. Planning a wedding with a newborn. Hard. Buying a house with a baby and a toddler and no family support. Hard. DIY on new house with two young children, hard! But I wouldn't have it any other way. Depends what type of couple you are. For me I don't mind looking after two small children all day then putting them to bed, then immediately start redecorating, laying laminate ect and not going to bed til 1-2am then getting up at. 6am and doing it all again, but I know people think im crazy!!!!

Lj8893 · 14/01/2014 10:31

Sorry posted to soon!

We were in it for the long haul. I wouldn't think its ok to have a baby while living with parents though, for their sake and yours!

Original poster

Lilyrose13 · 14/01/2014 20:21

Hello,
Thank you for all the replies! I don't think I worded it particularly well. I meant getting pregnant (which me and DP both want) and finding somewhere else to live while dealing with that, or setting ourselves up first.
I wouldn't want to raise a child in my PIL'S house, it's not fair for them, us or a child.
Things never work out the way you want so was just wondering if anyone out there just played things by ear or planned by the letter.
I do like to plan but sometimes it's best to go with the flow? We are in a good financial position to rent it's just finding the right place! X

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 14/01/2014 20:41

We moved twice while I was pregnant and then again 2 weeks after dd was born. I didn't do much, in fact I did very very little. Dp took control of it.
So I think as long as you know you will be in your own place before a baby is here and your dp is happy to do the bulk of the moving then there's no harm in you ttc.
Be aware though that your finances may change once you are on maternity pay.

Suzietwo · 14/01/2014 20:54

I'm not a fan of plans. They are too restricting.

You never know how long the getting pregnant part will take. Might as well crack on. But then I'm desperately irresponsible like that

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