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Pregnancy

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Original poster

freaked out about childbirth after NCT classes

30 replies

Happychick35 · 07/01/2014 11:16

I read a few books on childbirth and sort of felt prepared, well to the extent you can be prepared to this with your first baby... Yesterday in NCT we were shown quite a few graphic photos of women giving birth and placenta delivery, forceps, venthouse and it was all topped up with a video. They were all quite real, I am so freaked out now, that really tempted to demand a c-section, just not to go through this. I am horrified about all the things which can go wrong , on top I only have one friend who had a nice experince of childbirth. Otherwise one quick labour but 3rd degree tear, could not walk for two weeks at all, another one catheter for a months as a result, also someone with forceps delivery, still can't talk about it. Can someone give some reassurance that it will be ok ?

OP posts:

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Dusty04 · 07/01/2014 11:42

I'm 2 weeks post labour and can honestly say it was not that bad. I was freaked out too but kept telling myself it's different for each person and everyone seems to want to tell horror stories. I did nct classes and we didn't get shown anything like that.

My labour was short, had tightenings under my bump which came and went (looking back I had these 2 days prior so myst have been early labour). I went to hospital at 39+6 as hadn't felt baby move much. Was examined and was 1cm. Midwife did a sweep and said it could take days. Tightenings got worse over the next hour but no one thought I was in labour. Waters broke, tightenings got closer and when they checked me an hour later I was 10cm and rushed to delivery! One hour to push baby out, no pain relief what so ever, no gas and air.

I keep telling ppl my birth story as i'd only really heard if horror stories. I had an episiotomy too, plus bruising and grazes but I didn't even take paracetamol for this. 2 weeks on stitches are sore occasionally but can't say they hurt :)

Bakerof3pudsxx · 07/01/2014 11:43

If labour was that bad no one would have more than one child

You just need to tell yourself that it's happening, your gonna deal with it and then you will get your beautiful baby

BakeOff · 07/01/2014 11:51

It will be ok! If it was so awful, no one would have more than one child.

Before I had DC I felt the same as you except I didn't know anyone who seemed to have had a "good" birth. Everyone who told me about their birth experiences (all unsolicited as well - I wanted to remain blissfully ignorant!) all had what sounded like horrendous experiences. The only question you ever need to ask about childbirth is "was it worth it?" as every single mother will tell you how the downsides are outweighed a million times over once you meet your baby.

The other thing to bear in mind, that is really difficult to describe, is how you'll feel during labour. Photos and videos are very graphic, but when you're actually in labour there's so much you're not really aware of or that you'll care about. Loads of normally-shy women find themselves stripping naked, for example. I thought I'd be utterly mortified if I pooed in front of the midwives, but actually I just didn't care. And if you'd told me thy beforehan I'd never have believed you.

Giving birth is an amazing experience that just cannot be fully described until you've been through it. Just don't let the fear of the unknown take over as your birth experience will almost certainly be nothing like your friends' and probably also nothing like you've read (mine wasn't!).

Carelesstalkcostslives · 07/01/2014 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BakeOff · 07/01/2014 11:59

I'd recommend getting a hypnobirthing cd and reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide To Childbirth - a great book about natural childbirth which I found very reassuring and empowering.

MrsPatMustard · 07/01/2014 12:00

OP - what a horrible experience! To be honest, I think you should complain to NCT. (Not that this solves your problem, but I think they should know that this kind of approach is NOT helpful. I'd have been a gibbering wreck if i'd gone through this.)

I'm also pretty freaked out about childbirth (DC1 due in 3 weeks.) My midwife recommended trying perineal massage as a way of reducing chances of tearing. She also said staying upright as much as possible and/or waterbirthing were helpful in preventing some people from tearing.

Whatever you decide to do in terms of birthing. It's important you identify some techniques that help keep you calm (be it massage, familiar music, choice of birth partner etc.) My NCT instructor said that anxiety in early labour can slow labour down and make you more receptive to pain. So try and think about what you need to feel ok and make sure your birth partner knows what these are. Thinking of you.

Florin · 07/01/2014 12:04

Honestly for most it really isn't that bad. I have no idea why the people with horror stories have the need to share them with everyone especially pregnant people. My labour was quick no pain relief not even gas and air as I didn't like it. Yes it hurt but you sort of go into a different zone and your body takes over. I had a 2nd degree tear but it didn't hurt afterwards, as soon as I was stitched up I jumped out of bed, showered, hair done and home a few hours later. We were out and about the next day. For most people the pain stops as soon as the baby is born. Honestly I would do labour several times over if I could miss the being heavily pregnant stage!

JoinTheDots · 07/01/2014 12:05

You poor thing! Bad choice for the NCT leader to show those things I think.

Loads of people have lovely straightforward births (I did, no tearing, no need for any interventions, just gas and air) and it was fine. So fine that I am due again in about 8 weeks and hope for a similar experience.

Of my NCT friends, 2 had to have some help (one a small cut, the other forceps) but both were fine after, walking normally and weeing normally within hours of the birth, with stitches they said fell out easily, and no memory of any pain associated with either the cut or the delivery method (well, no more pain than they were already in with the contractions). So even if you do need some help, it is not always a horror story!

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2014 12:09

My friend told me that when she went to her Antenatal sessions the class on childbirth made her feel physically sick

I have just booked mine.....

I love looking at gruesome things though

Carelesstalkcostslives · 07/01/2014 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Windywinston · 07/01/2014 13:24

I had a ventouse delivery with DD who is now 18mths old. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty scary at the time and the episiotomy was pretty sore for a while afterwards, but I could go to the loo ok (pour tepid water as you wee and it won't sting, passing stools was totally fine, no pain whatsoever). All totally fine now and am 20 weeks pregnant with DC#2 so it can't have been that bad now can it?

Also, I know loads of people who have had completely uncomplicated labours, no tearing etc, so I think the people you've spoken to are just an unlucky group.

Try not to worry, don't focus on what might or might not happen, stay positive, stay active and do what the midwives tell you to do. Good luck !

Windywinston · 07/01/2014 13:28

Oh I should have said, my episiotomy was sore for a while afterwards, but labour generally makes you feels sore down there anyway, and I don't think having stitches necessarily feels any worse. Either way, it wasn't excruciating, certainly not the worst pain I've ever felt!

Original poster

Happychick35 · 07/01/2014 13:36

Careless your post made me laugh, I was close to doing this yesterday ... Thank you girls, I feel a bit better. I really don't understand why there was a need for photos..., esepcially detailed ones It is completely different when you are in the situation and looking at someone else ... I signed up for hypnobirthing course already, anything what can help .

OP posts:

Original poster

Happychick35 · 07/01/2014 13:38

PS and I am doing perineal massage, which is a pain...

OP posts:

Sid77 · 07/01/2014 13:44

Absolutely read Ina May Gaskin, it really helped to 'normalise' birth for me. I had heard hardly any positive birth stories, so this book was great.

LemonDrizzleCake11 · 07/01/2014 13:53

Happychick35 - sorry you're feeling this way. My first labour didn't go at all the way I'd expected it to (v overdue, induced etc) but actually overall it was still fine. To echo Florin I also have no idea why some women feel the need to share horror stories with other pregnant ladies - one of my friends said I was the only woman she'd spoken to whilst pregnant who hadn't felt the need to impart a horror birth story with her, when having had my baby around the same time as some of these 'friends' I had a fair idea their births weren't as terrible as they made out (as in they were well enough to be sitting on the floor playing at mum and baby groups seemingly happy within 2 weeks). I can only imagine its a bit like when you're a child moving from junior school to senior school - some just can't help overemphasising the bullies and terrible bits.

Now I'm in no way undermining the fact that some do have horrid birth experiences, but I honestly believe they are in the minority, and hopefully you will have a fabulous experience and an adorable baby to distract you from any of the negative parts at the end of it!

2 yrs on and pregnant with my second my DH insists labour last time was worse for him than me as I apparently 'forgot it all instantly' whilst he recalls all the 'nasty' parts!!

Shenanagins · 07/01/2014 14:02

I was completely traumatised watching one born every minute wondering if giving birth is really like that. This was after i had given birth !
So what I'm saying is that it does look a hell of a lot worse than it really is and my first labour was difficult. And yes despite all of this i happily did it again and even had a laugh with the obstetrician when he stitched me up.

SaucyJack · 07/01/2014 14:07

You'll be reet.

Stay away from the birth videos tho. When you're watching from the outside the whole shebang does look completely bloody barbaric tbh, but when you're the one actually doing it your inner Earth mother kind of takes over. It's hard to describe. It's bloody horrible- but in a real natural empowering way.

nobutreally · 07/01/2014 14:13

I guess some people must find photos & videos useful, but I don't think I would have.

If you search on here (try things like 'positive, childbirth) there are lots of threads from people talking about relatively easy, positive birth experiences - I'm one (my first was pretty fast, and not too bad - only scary bit was transition, as no-one thought I was that far advanced, & I suddenly had a freak that I couldn't manage it ....gas and air, and I was walking about pretty much straight away. My second was honestly a lovely experience... really, truly! I felt totally in control, pain was utterly manageable, and it was only after I was holding dd that I realised I hadn't had any pain relief !)

Even the first birth was never as bad as I imagining

Shellywelly1973 · 07/01/2014 16:04

I wasn't going to post but actually this might help you.

When I was pregnant with dc1 I was so terrified of the birth I could sit in the ante natel clinic... I gave birth to a 7 lb ds with just gas & air. As I was expecting it to be so painful I didn't rush to get to hospital...I was 8 cm!

Went on to have dc2 & dc3. No big problems. Born in hospital... very 'average'.

Dc 4 & Dc5 were water births both born in a birth centre. No pain relief needed. No bleeding. No stitches - only dc1 none of the others.

I've never watched OBEM. I never talk about child birth...actually only on MN. I have only attended 4 classes 25 years ago when expecting dc1.

The most helpful thing for me has been natel therapy. I hate hospital & have a deep mistrust of hcps so I get stressed about the hospital & HCPs rather then giving birth.

Take care of yourself & look up some of the pregnancy relaxation & hypnotherapy stuff- it's really helps! x

Shellywelly1973 · 07/01/2014 16:05

i was so terrified i couldn't sit in the ante natel clinic!

MelanieRavenswood · 07/01/2014 16:08

You need to give your NCT teacher some very frank feedback!

PlumpPartridge · 07/01/2014 16:11

I have never seen a birth and frankly do not want to. I have pushed two of the buggers out though! DSis watched me with DS2 and will be properly cacking it when it's her turn

You'll be fine, honestly. Concentrate on your end and don't look!

Wolfiefan · 07/01/2014 16:13

I wouldn't want to see that. Both mine were closer to 9 than 8lb. First was a water birth just 2 1/2 hours after getting to hospital. Second even quicker.
Both births I tore a bit. Healed fine. No issues.
When you are in labour you are busy! You don't have to look at the business end!!
Good luck. May you have a wonderful birth! (They do exist!) when your baby arrives you will be happy to cuddle! It'll soon be a distant memory!

Sparkeleigh · 07/01/2014 16:33

I was really worried too, everyone will insist on telling horror stories (thanks MIL ).

I freaked out after a sweep which hurt like hell, and didn't think I could do the actual birth! It was fine though, I had a TENS machine which worked really well so I was 8cm when I arrived at hospital for my water birth and my baby arrived 3 hours later.

I did tear, but I didn't feel it tearing, and I bled a lot afterwards so needed a transfusion but the thing is, it still wasn't that bad. I think what I'm trying to say is that because you're in the middle of it you're almost too distracted to notice specific things if that makes sense? I hope that comes across right, I couldn't believe how easy it was after all the stories I was told!

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