Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Parental guilt trip

9 replies

MrsPatMustard · 07/01/2014 11:00

Sorry - needed to rant and let off steam.

I've got 2 and a half weeks to go before I'm due with DC1 and my Mum has suddenly decided she wants to pay a visit. (She lives 150 miles away.) At the risk of being a grumpy cow, this is absolutely the LAST thing I want. We've got the builders in until Friday so the house is a mess, I've got storming backache and I'm really nervous about the prospect of childbirth/parenthood. All I want is a quiet, calm house and some quality time with DH before the baby arrives.

My Mum is an absolute professional when it comes to the art of parental guilt trips. I know she's going to be massively offended and make a huge fuss when I refuse to let her visit. (It's not like i'm trying to exclude her from my life. I invited her to visit repeatedly during October and November but she declined because it wasn't convenient for her. And we went up north to visit her last month.)

She has long-term health issues so when she visits things have to revolve around her and her needs. This is not her fault but, frankly, I can't be bothered with looking after someone else right now. Surely at this point I'm entitled to be a bit selfish?

Basically i'm stuck between having my last two weeks of relative freedom interrupted or having to negotiate a potential family tiff. Pissed off. Sad

Anyone else's family doing their head in?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
MistletoeBUTNOwine · 07/01/2014 11:43

You could just warn her that you can't look after her as you want to rest so if she does come she'll have to fend for herself +/- help out round the house?
You never know, she may surprise you and be helpful Blush

AnnaBanana25 · 07/01/2014 12:25

Say you have a bug and need to rest, and cannot risk her catching it!! Personally, I would decline as you have seen her recently and offered good times for her to visit. It is now time for your needs, not hers!

And yes, it would be a very very long story, but a family member has posted something on Facebook which I think is having a dig at something my husband said about parenting last week. Slightly irritated because if you're not prepared to hear an opinion, don't ask for it!!! Also said person easily holds grudges so I can see where this is going.

Jeez. Why are things so complicated sometimes?

Original poster
MrsPatMustard · 07/01/2014 12:55

Facebook has a lot to answer for sometimes. Feel your pain Anna

Mistletoe I know she means well, but she's unlikely to be of genuine help. Her health issues mean that she's not terribly mobile, so I would be running around a lot after her. I'm too tired for that at this point...

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 07/01/2014 12:59

Honestly? Just tell her that now really isnt a suitable time. If she demands a reason, tell her about the house and that all you want to do is rest before the baby gets here.

Then distract her with a date for arranging a vist once the little one is here.

OneForEachHand · 07/01/2014 13:12

Just say sorry, but no.

Tell her she is more than welcome to come when the baby is here, but right now you're too busy preparing and trying to rest up at the same time.

You have every right to be a bit selfish right now, so put your foot down!

redcarrot1 · 07/01/2014 17:17

Lie and say the builders are going to be there for another week or so.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 07/01/2014 18:28

My mother would be exactly the same OP (also very very good at the guilt trips). Tell her politely that builders are at your home for a bit longer than they really are, it's all a mess etc and that at a routine appointment your midwife recommended plenty of rest and quiet time before the baby arrives. I know it won't be easy if the guilt is being laid on but stick to your guns and look after yourself!

meg2106 · 07/01/2014 20:08

Sorry you feel that way. But maybe she just wants to help you out .. I think this is one time one should not turn down any helping hand. My mom gets here this weekend too, flying here 4000+miles just to help me out. Growing up I had a tough relationship with my mom , she is a pretty traditional woman.. she hasn't changed much now but i guess i have started not caring much n telling it to her directly which sometimes offends her...but how can you be upset on family Wink
DH is fantastic but i worry he will tire himself too much taking care of me n the baby and I cant think of anyone other than my mom to support us.... she did carry me around in her belly for 9 months n put with all that I am going through right now...
Sorry if it was not useful, but pregnancy has made me look at my parents so differently Smile

slightlyinsane · 07/01/2014 20:20

Ivejujust had my parents stay for weekend, my mum is similar with health issues and needs running around after. Dh and I are beyond tired now they've gone and I'm only 17 wks. Do your best to get out of it noway williI be repeating that visit while I'm still pregnant

New posts on this thread. Refresh page