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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Baby due one month today...anxious.no excitement

8 replies

Elliejmulligan · 06/01/2014 21:51

Everyone keeps telling me I must be so excited(due in a month), but all I feel is anxiety. Is it really rewarding ?Also it's starting to hit home that I am giving up my financial independence, statutory maternity pay is crap. This is putting a real downer on it. Anyone else feel the same? Is it just a phase?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mim78 · 06/01/2014 21:55

I do a lot of the time for all the reasons you have stated - nervous about how hard it will be, whether could still be something wrong despite scans and financial situation (maternity allowance for me).

But having a new born is lovely and as they get older they get more and more amazing and rewarding.

evelynj · 06/01/2014 21:56

I was the same, full of worry. Only advice I would have is read a lot about newborns, educate yourself on breastfeeding/bottle, winding, (had my 2nd dc 6 months ago & totally forgot all I'd learnt. First time). Colic, reflux, cranial osteopathy etc & stock your medicine cupboard with infant things.

Dull I know but. At least you'll have taken care of the practical things. Then have a facial or meditate or read. Just relax. You really don't need to spend much money when on mat leave with a baby & you won't be feeling left out.

If you have an OH then why not discuss finances a bit to make sure you never feel dependent. Good luck, it will be great!

Elliejmulligan · 06/01/2014 22:00

Awwww thanks so much this is re assuring! I guess I've always been a career girl and earnt good money, if I wanna spend 70 on skincare I will.. My husband earns fairly good money, but to have to ask him if I need something, gonna be hard. I guess as I've never had a baby, I don't know what to expect I'm sure it's amazing as you all say, but I don't think will sink in till he or she arrives!x

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Mim78 · 06/01/2014 22:35

Just make sure dh puts plenty on money in joint account! If you don't have one open one now...

Iwillorderthefood · 06/01/2014 22:45

It is not his money and your money, it is your joint money. I felt like this, even with the money in the joint account and DH saying don't ask just get the things you need, it's our money. You need to reassure yourself as it will impact on everything.

CrispyFB · 06/01/2014 22:52

It was a hard adjustment for me too when I became a SAHM - I was used to being the (slightly) higher earner and had a thriving career that was going places. It was a bit of an adjustment for DH to being the sole earner - things just didn't occur to him at first about how I might feel about it and he was initially very protective of "his" money. He had to quickly learn that anything he earns is joint money, and that means his overtime and bonuses too which he had been squirrelling away at first! He got there in the end once I emphasised that he would not be able to earn any of it without me (and how SAHM is not necessarily the easy option!) so now he clearly sees it as "ours" without a hint of resentment.

Our solution which works for us at least is to split whatever is left after allowing for bills and food (salary goes into a joint account) and put it into individual accounts. Then I can spend that money on whatever I like without guilt. I also find I am usually the one doing the spending in the joint account too (i.e. the one sorting out the household bills, doing most of the rest of the shopping, baby clothes, things etc etc) so although DH is the one technically earning the money, he probably feels like I spend it!

In the end it is not the financial independence aspect that bothers me five years later after quitting, it's the seeing DH's career go meteoric when I know I'll have to beg to get an entry level position in a field I was once senior in. All because I know I would flunk an interview at the level I left at because I haven't used that part of my brain in so long, and never get peace and quiet long enough to seriously dedicate time to it. That, I feel resentful of, and is something every SAHM-to-be should consider carefully and perhaps make plans if at all possible to deal with if her career permits in some way. I don't regret the DC and being at home, not in a million years, but I wish I could have my cake and eat it like DH can!

Obviously if you're going back to work at the end of your maternity leave the above paragraph does not apply Smile

If you are leaving work longer term, the most important thing you can do for your mental state is to find something preferably not related to your child to stimulate your mind. A hobby, a goal.. anything that gets you excited about something other than being a mum! I got very depressed about six months after leaving work for good, and it took training for and running a marathon and starting a photography business part time to drag me out of the funk and feel like "me" again.

Good luck - it is a very exciting time Grin

blondebaby111 · 07/01/2014 09:20

Someday I feel the same as you, I have one week to go but I finished work about a fortnight ago and I felt lost at first, I've earnt my own money since I was 18 (am now 36) and like u say maternity pay is crap, I'm self employed so definitely don't have the same perks as other women. So now my fiancé is the main breadwinner.

But it has got easier, I've noticed that by me not working I'm not putting hardly any petrol in the car, I also needed stock for work which I'm not spending out on and just by cutting back slightly I'm finding it easier day by day.

Of course now at this stage in stressing about labour, will I be a good mum etc is motherhood really for me etc but that's what parenthood is all about. The worrying never ends I guess.

Embrace this new chapter in your life, keep telling yourself you haven't given up work, your going to be starting the most rewarding and hardest job that you will ever do, your gonna be a mummy....good luck and enjoy it xx

Elliejmulligan · 07/01/2014 16:18

awww thanks ladies, its really nice to have the support. I know this is what I wanted, but its the change thats really hitting me now! i didnt think it would to be honest. Im feeling really tearful and depressed, maybe its also the pregnancy hormones. thanks for your replies xx

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