Fear of hospital & HCPs really affecting me...It's all too much!

[Shellywelly1973]

I'm 36+3 with dc6 so most people would think I would be able to handle being in a medical environment...actually, it's the exact opposite.

With my last 2 dc who are nearly 9 & 5 I never seen a doctor only mw who was radical & absolutely brilliant. I only went to hospital for my scans & that was difficult enough...

This pg has been a total PITA. I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid 4 days before I got bfp.

I've had 4 consultant appointments, which I've got through by speaking as little as possible. The consultant pervieved that as agreement to all things medical as I'm over 40.

I have an appointment on Monday with the consultant. . I had no intention of attending. Plan was to call mw when i was too far gone in labour as they are objecting to my plans for hb... except the bloody baby is breech.

I'm terrified now. i have to go on Monday. i have to do what they tell me. ECV/monitoring/ c/s... My phobia is so bad i shake & sweat when I have to go for blood tests!

I'm a single parent. No family or friends in this city. No support. I regret conceiving this child so much. I've nothing ready. I keep thinking about leaving her at the hospital as I really don't want to have to cope with her. I have childcare arranged already as I'm back to work asap after the birth.

How the hell am i going to get through this?

Hi Shelly don't want to read and run and to be honest I am prob not the best experienced person to help as this is my first but I can sympathise about the hating hospitals /medical environment/ being watched etc. I have to see a consultant because my BMI was 35 at booking... I had been training for a half marathon, following weight watchers (loosely!) and gym every other day... so it has made me ready twitchy and arsy about 'interference'. I want a home birth too but to early to know what position baby is/will be in (Im 27 weeks) If they can turn your baby would they then let you go for a home birth do you think? What about your lovely midwife from your last two births, are you still in touch with her?

Just wanting to send you a virtual hug and hand hold for Monday. I think you sound amazing for running a house with 5 kids, one on the way and having to work soon after the birth - super woman in fact! xx

Thanks for such a lovely reply.

See if I were you I wouldn't attend as your BMW isn't that high.

The previous mw was at another hospital.

The returning to work asap is my choice. its easier to work then deal with a baby. My older 2 are grown up so only 3 dc at home.

I'm not super women...knackered women more like!!

hcps weren't keen on me having a hb but I decided to go ahead regardless but if she's breech I can't take the risk.

Thanks again & good luck. x x

BMW!? Bmi!!! lol. x x

I too am petrified of hospitals!! I have a panic attack everytime I set foot in one! My blood pressure rises and heart rate increases which then alarms the midwife, I have to try and explain about my fear as to why my blood pressure is so high!!!! The it her nite was my worst case scenario as I had a pretty bad panic attack stressing about being ill and I couldn't get out of it so had to go to my local hosp which brought on another! My bp was thru roof and so was heart rate!!!!!!!!!!

Where's your ex-h?

I seem to remember from your previous posts that you need/want a homebirth due to lack of childcare?

Can he not look after the older DC's whilst you go in to have the baby?

Keep swimming sweetie. You'll get through it because you have to. I'm starting to panic about the birth and it genuinely helps me to remember that the baby's got to come out at some point, and it'll all be over soon one way or the other.

Shellywelly, I've been reading your posts through this pregnancy, and I just wanted to say that it seems like you've had a really hard time all the way through with no support whatsoever. I've seen you be really positive and give others great advice, but it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed now that the birth is near and you have to face another hurdle with the C section. I think the best thing you can do at the moment is get whatever support you can in place....you mentioned 2 grown up DC, can they come round and help you get a few things ready for the baby? Also, please speak to your GP and see if you can get in touch with a Health Visitor before the birth, as it sounds like you are going to be coping all on your own with a newborn, your other kids, and trying to get back to work ASAP all after major surgery! They need to be aware of this as it's way too much for one woman to do! You sound like you cope brilliantly with everything you have on your plate, but this baby being breech and the section are just tipping you over. Please try and talk to your elder DC to see if they can support you more. Also you mentioned before an exP, is there anything they can do to help or are they a waste of space? I really feel for you, and send you a big hug, not much help I know The uncertainty about Monday must be horrible, as it's all out of your hands. I hope it goes ok x

Thanks so much for your kind replies.

Exdp told me this morning he's not coming back to SE. He went to Scotland for the New Year & has decided to make a fresh start for himself up there. I know it's stupid but I haven't had a break in months. He had promised to take the dc for the last weekend in January, but told me today he's not coming down so no break at all.

Ds8 has a carer but she took all her Annual Leave over Christmas. He's been off school since 11/12, he goes back 8/1, he attends an independent school.

My oldest ds & his dp will be coming down here for a week when I have the baby. Dd lives about 90 miles away & doesn't drive. I will see her in February half term.

I couldn't get to my 3rd week appointment as ds was off school. I called my GP every day for a week trying to organise an ante natel appointment but didn't get one! I have seen my GP once in 7 years- even when I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid, it was dealt with over the phone.

As 2 of my dc have SNs, I know how little support their is out there for families in need. I don't expect help. I pay for what we need. I've organised a Nanny to start in mid February. Ds5 is on reduced hours so finishes at 130. At least I've got that organised.

I start a new job in April. I'm currently self employed & I've seriously lost out with this pregnancy.

I felt so alone this morning. I can't believe how shit everything is. I know people are well meaning but I'm not looking forward to the baby arriving. I dread it. The weeks go too fast. She's just another thing to be dealt with.

I felt so deeply sad this morning as a very good friend of mine, who became a grandmother recently put a load of photos of her lovely gd up but it was the expressions on the parents faces that made me cry. My dd doesn't have that....her father doesn't want her & I can't cope with what I've got- let alone any more.

I'm not nesting & have nothing ready.Not even a bag! I was like this with my dd1. I never bonded with her & dread it happening again.

I'm knackered & must go to bed. I've been up since 6 am!

Thanks again. It helps to get it all out!

Hi Shelly

How did you get on at your appointment? Was thinking about you yesterday and couldnt find your post.

X

This is so sad to read that you are finding things really hard and worrying about bonding. I hope your appointment went ok. Do you have local mum groups that you could join for friendly support? x

The baby is head down! I'm so relieved!! She must have turned Sat night as she kept waking me with her mad movements & on Saturday my stomach muscles actually ached. It all feels easy peasy now!!

I live in a very deprived borough. The local mums groups are aimed at educating/ employing/ informing mothers. I realised after Dc5 I had nothing in common with the majority. I will be back to work within 4 weeks so I won't really have time for groups.

I told the consultant I was having the baby at home. She advised against it but there appears to be no alternative. I did want to use the Birth Centre but I don't meet the criteria. Hospital will only be an option if the situation becomes dangerous.

37+1 today so hopefully this baby will stay put for another 3 weeks!

Fab news, really pleased to hear that!
Ok i understand just thought it might be a good support network for you as you seemed so down :-(
I wanted to use the birth pool but was told early on i cant due to high BMI i was very dissapointed but i am hopeful still as otherwise i will end up worrying about it as i really didnt want a bed delivery but i guess what will be will be!
Hopefully the home birth will be available to you, after all unless it becomes dangerous we should be able to give birth how/where we want, surely!

Shelly that's great :-) must be a huge weight off your mind. Everything crossed for you for the next few weeks. xx

Newmum, I have a higher BMI too, I plan to have a home birth so I can have a pool... My midwives (I say midwives because I have never met my 'actual' one on my notes and have seen a different one at each appointment) have said I would be fine for a home birth. I guess its down to how I cope with contractions and everything being straightforward... difficult to know with first babies.

You don't have to do what they tell you either, its your body, birth and baby so you decide.

(Sorry didn't mean to hijack!)

I went into work mode at the hospital on Monday!

Just kept in my mind that I have dc older then some of the mw& Dr's I'm meeting during this pregnancy.

The consultant knew well I wasn't going to agree to a hospital birth & I felt she gave up quite quickly.

I agreed to another ante natel appointment next week as my BP is a bit high but the consultants clinic runs in the afternoon but they wanted me in at 930am for monitoring. The receptionist couldn't seem to grasp why I wouldn't want to come to the hospital twice in one day! Needless to say I turned down the offer of monitoring.

With everything you have had to contend with its no surprise your blood pressure is high tho, its funny as i think receptionists forget that pregnant women still work, most until quite late in pregnancy and so not easy to get away, i work 30 mins from my hospital so wouldnt be easy or practical to have two appts same day spread apart!

Emilycee - i was told home birth was also unsuitable, she said to me "if your going to have issues then we would rather you didnt have them in our pool" i have felt that the whole high bmi thing has been blown out of control, they warned me of lots of risks, i have to take extra vit d throughout, extra scans, extra appts and the anaesthetist has to check my back is suitable for epidural (incase i need it) and yet the sonographer said baby is growing perfectly and is on size etc so she didnt feel i was high risk. Being my first pregnancy i have worried about everything not to mention all this on top! :-( I am hopeful to have a pool delivery still but will have to wait and see what happens but your right why shouldnt we get to decide what to do (unless its dangerous)