perineal massage (sorry, possibly TMI here)

[MrsPatMustard]

Am 36+4. Have been trying perineal massage on the advice of my midwife but finding it tricky (how the bloody hell are you meant to reach your nether regions when you've got a big bloody bump in the way?!!)

Basically, I've read various websites that say it's not meant to hurt, but i get a stinging sensation whenever i try, like uncomfortable sex. (Obviously, this is probably nothing compared to childbirth. but wondering if i'm doing it wrong.)

Secondly, when are you meant to notice any effect? Have been at it daily for over a week but can't feel any noticeable difference.

The reality is that it will hurt but the massage can help build up your tolerance to it. Most importantly it teaches you to use the correct breathing technique for crowning- try pushing your perineum as far as you dare with your fingers until it burns, and instead of holding up against the discomfort, relax and do calm breaths or pants out through a floppy, relaxed mouth. You will notice there is more space and this is what is really going to help at the birth, not the 'magic' of putting oil down there.

ladies, is this something we should be doing from earlier on? like 2nd trimester? given it will be easier access etc..
are you using any oil at all? or just your fingers??
God, the stuff we have to do! i'm here doing my kegels as we speak :)

Thanks homehypno that's really helpful. Nobody had mentioned anything about breathing exercises whilst doing it - but will definitely give it a try.

Chicamomma My midwife told me to do it from 35 weeks onwards. Am using a little massage oil, but don't really need much.

I think it's meant to sting a bit, and if you can't reach then you rope your partner into doing it for you! As for when you feel the effect, I'm guessing it's during birth!

Im para about tearing so I've invested in an epi-no (inflatable fanjo balloon) which is the same principle as massage but fingers crossed, a bit easier to use when I'm huge.

I have been told massage/epino does sting but that's because you're 'training the muscle' and also getting used to the sensations you'll feel during the birth () ring of fire etc.

You're meant to 'push out' the epino balloon - that's already making me feel gippy. But if it helps...

Yes, I may get one of those too. It's not cheap at £90 but given the horror stories I've read on here about tearing and prolapses it's a small price to pay.

I think if you are going to tear then it will prob happen regardless of the above tactics but I can see the benefits in getting used to the sensation maybe? I can't reach though! Had two vb and dc 3 due any day now and had no tears with either, please don't read the horror stories here or elsewhere and feel it is likely outcome of stitches etc, lots vb do go smoothly, or with a little intervention to help baby/mum cope, mine were in pool which I'm think may have helped soften things but also the end bit or ring of fire they talk about isn't as bad as it sounds ime, I found contractions far worse and the end part the least issue as guess what?! You know it's the very end!! Also ifu listen and do what midwife says at end it really helps control last bit, they told me to reach and touch dc head! I said no at first as couldn't dare move from my grip on dh and gas and air but then I did and it really made me wake up ifykwim and be in the moment and stop pushing and dc just sort of breathed out with next pain, weirdly even at last minute that reminder of why in pain, ie touch babies head just made it all go away! Before we knew it I was cuddled up with them in bed after nice hot shower.

I had a 2nd degree tear but didn't feel a thing. Had DS in the pool and crowning didn't sting at all. So please don't worry too much, it's not as bad as it sounds.

Thanks Natwebb79 it does help to hear that. At any rate, I probably won't be able to reach the old fanjo for much longer. Am carrying very out front so my bump is simply massive....

It's good to hear positive stories. It's not the moment of tearing that I'm most worried about - it's the recovery, but I guess people are more likely to share the bad than the good. And I have to say never EVER read the stories on the Birth Trauma Association website!

Ah, good to hear your story GoMomma!

Cariad - gross as it is, epi-nos seem to sell really well second hand on eBay! No really - I saw one go for £65. So you could get some of your money back if it's something you want to try.

Seriously??? I can't imagine wanting to use something that's been up someone else's fanjo but hey, if they want to buy it...

Eeeeuwwww.....

I too had a 2nd degree tear and didn't experience the 'ring of fire'. But then I was also in a birthing pool, which I think made all the difference. IME keeping calm and keeping your body as relaxed as possible really helped me. I recognise that I was very fortunate to have a very straight forward labour and at no point did I feel like my body couldn't cope. For me giving birth was an amazing experience, yes it's painful and very tiring, but seeing my baby for the first time and being the first person to hold her (in the birthing pool) was the most moving and profound experience of my life. So really I guess what I'm trying to say is, once you meet your baby all the pain is forgotten.
For me the recovery wasn't great as my stitches got infected and I was massively anaemic but all that was treated.
Just to say, before the birth I did natal hypnotherapy and made sure I protected myself from negative birthing stories. You just don't need it, it's important for you to feel positive and excited about meeting your new baby.
Good luck to you who are all due soon! There is nothing quite like snuggles with a new born. Enjoy them whilst they are small!

Err, how are you supposed to massage it?

Lots of videos on YouTube for how to do PM... I haven't clicked on them though!!

Easiest way is to get someone else to do it apparently. I've already roped in the boyfriend!

lastonedancing I don't think I'd click on them either