End of pregnancy anxiety

[LottyLikesWindows]

I'm 39+ weeks currently and have reached a point where I worry and fret over every single thing - the baby is moving too much, the baby is not moving enough, my stomach aches, I've had no signs of labour and so on and so on, all day long.

I've had a terrible miscarriage last November and as I reach the end of this pregnancy I cannot help but remember those awful feelings of loss and feel afraid that something will go wrong again. I just want to meet my little baby already and hold her in my arms - I know that I should feel excited but instead I feel terrified.

I'm not really sure how to broach this subject with anyone other than my DP as I realise it's not really how I should feel and I don't really want to make others uncomfortable. So here I am, reaching out for some words of MN wisdom instead... Any thoughts on how best to cope with this anxiety would be much appreciated.

I am sure this is perfectly normal. There are many taboos for pregnant women like we should always be on top of the world, feel blissfully happy, relaxed and calm. Truth is, you are not the first one or the last one to feel the way you do! Have you tried talking to a friend or your GP? Sometimes just expressing our fears help. xx

Thank you hubby, for your kind words. Think I ought to talk to someone but I might need to wait til I can talk about it without blubbing.

It is COMPLETELY normal to be anxious. More so as you've experienced a miscarriage. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are still grieving and pregnancy will riddle you rollecoaster of emotions.

Don't worry about talking through tears, give it a try. Contact your GP or MW. Lean on someone and you will feel much better.

I think that this is completely normal. The end is so close and you know that if you gave birth now then the baby would be fine and yet you've got to stay pregnant and therefore potentially at risk of pregnancy complications until you go into labour. I think its also linked into fear of the unknown. You don't know what your labour is going to be like. You don't know what your baby is going to be like? How are you going to find the next few weeks? And then the months and years that follow. There's a lot which is about to change and as you can't do anything about that, you worry about the things which you are aware of, such as movement. And you're probably on maternity leave by now so have more time to think about these things than you did whilst you were working.
I had the completely irrational fear with DC1 that she was going to have grown a second head. However many times I told myself that of course she couldn't & looked at the 20 week scans, it was still a pleasant surprise that she did just have the one head!

Thank you peanut - I think I'll do that. I see my MW next week so will definitely bring it up. I can't tell you how much these posts are helping. Thank you both.

As others have said this is normal, especially as you're still grieving. Sorry for your loss.

I worried terribly my entire second pregnancy after a traumatic first labour. I didn't really stop till baby was in my arms. But everything was ok and I'm sure you will be too.

Remember your hormones won't be helping, if you're tired this won't help either. Be kind to yourself. Try to relax as much as you can. Could you get a relaxation cd to listen to? Lavender in your bath and on your pillow to help you relax.
Try to talk your fears through to someone, your DP, a friend or midwife if you can? They will reassure you and you'll feel better for unloading your worry.

Lots of luck and you'll be great. Keep posting here if it helps

I was the same. I had horrible anxiety through out the pregnancy and at the end it was so bad we were going to get checked every day because I was so frightened that I couldn't feel movement or that I'd got stressed and dd would be hurt. I don't have any helpful advice for the anxiety because in the end for me the only thing that stopped it was finally having dd out of me. It sounds patronising but try to keep busy. The times when I didn't worry were days where I'd been doing my hobbies or watching loads of one born every minute! Don't be afraid to talk to your midwife though. They'll have heard this a million times and seen the tears a million times too!

I'm the same,37+5 and being induced on Monday as diabetic. Bumps movements have never been in a pattern so after a couple of days of loads of movement which freaked me out it's quietened down again to 'normal' levels, which is freaking me out (as I say my normal pattern of movement is that there's no pattern).

In my case I've never experienced a miscarriage but a girl I used to work with,and am still friends with on Facebook, lost her daughter at about 39 weeks. She's now involved in a lot of fundraising for various charities supporting women who have been in the same situation and is coming up on a big fundraising event so is posting a lot of things about her experience on Facebook. As I get closer to the stage where she lost her daughter it freaks me out more and more to see these posts but there's nothing I can do,I don't want to block her and wouldn't dream of asking her to stop posting as I know it helps her to talk about it. As callous as it sounds I tell myself it happened to her so it won't happen to me though that's small comfort.

We just need to get few these last few days OP,don't worry about not feeling how you think you should, I think everyone is like us really we're just the ones admitting it!

Thank you so much everyone, your words really do help. Everything you've posted makes sense and I can relate to. The fears I'm experiencing do feel irrational at times and totally normal at other times. I think that being on maternity leave does not help much as I have way too much time on my hands to think about worst case scenarios.

I've been too organised and all baby related things are in place, which in retrospect has left me with nothing to do but worry. Even seeing her made up cot makes me worry if she'll ever get to sleep in it. As I said, these are pretty awful, dark thoughts. I think you are all right, that these feelings are linked to previous experience of loss and that it is perfectly normal to feel this way as the pain is still very fresh and real.

It helps so much to hear about your experiences so thank you so much for being generous with your time and sharing your thoughts with me. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in this.

You know you're experiencing anxiety and, believe it or not, that insight can be a very valuable tool to help you cope now.
If you're aware that the thoughts rushing through your mind are caused by anxiety, you can temper your response to them.

The above poster is right - distraction is absolutely key.

Thank you for posting this Lotty, I'm also 39+ weeks and feeling the same - in fact everything you've described rang a bell here. I have had terrible anxiety throughout and it seems to be getting worse instead of better. You're definitely not alone, if that helps at all! Eyes on the prize etc.

Hi lotty, I completely understand how you are feeling. I had a mmc last jan and am now 40 weeks. I feel so lucky to have fallen pregnant again quickly (as it took a long time previously), but like you I am plagued with dark thoughts. I can't quite bring myself to make room for the Moses basket, in case I don't get to bring baby home. I spoke to my midwife about my anxiety and she fitted me in for an extra appt, which was reassuring. Today I have been out for a lovely walk, I think exercise definitely helps and making plans to meet friends for coffee to get out the house. I've been doing a yoga DVD and Hypnobirthing cd (when I can be bothered) which also help me to relax and feel more connected to baby. I guess until we are holding our babies we won't be able to truly relax, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling that way x

Thank you flossy, book and julietee. Had a day on the labour ward today as the baby decided to stop moving last night. The reg on duty was very heavy handed and wanted to break my waters but luckily a lovely kind midwife explained that it's totally fine to take the wait and see approach. All turned out to be fine after a few hours of fluids and tracing. Back at home now and strangely feeling lots calmer.

I'm definitely going to keep busy in the next few days. Have also spoken to a friend as well as DP and that helped massively. Your experiences are so valuable to me too! So once again, thank you a million times everyone.

Glad you are feeling a bit calmer and have confided in people too :) Phew for the kind midwife stepping in too!

I completly understand what yr going through I'm almost 34 weeks and havnt stopped worrying the whole way through this pregnancy and I've got two other kids to!! I miscarried last April but fell pregnant really quickly after but sadly this pregnancy was one of a twin that had died inside of me but nothing they could do because of the other baby so I worried a lot about this baby weather it would get affected by the other one but it hasn't! I worry about the movements all the time to the point where I drive my husband mad n he tells me to relax then when I do she starts moving around again! It's such a hard thing pregnancy but yet so rewarding. Gd luck ladies and enjoy yr precious bundle when u get them

I sympathise. I was terribly anxious during my last pregnancy, about the birth, the postnatal period, getting to the hospital (it was snowing a lot), work.... you name it, I worried about it. My dd3 now 3 yo was completely fine (Emergency CS but that's another story), but I got even more anxious in the post natal period and found it crippling. I literally couldn't think of anything except my horrible feelings of anxiety and wasted precious nights awake and worrying. Obviously the sleep deprivation made me even more anxious and irrational. I saw my GP and did CBT and slowly got better, but what I learnt was: 1. I am a naturally anxious person 2. I can recognise when I am getting into an 'anxiety cycle' and 3. The different cognitive behavioural techniques can really help. I would recommend reading 'Overcoming Anxiety' by Helen Kennerly (I think that is the right spelling) and maybe asking for an appointment for a clinical psychologist, because, even if you feel completely fantastic after the baby is born and never look back (and I really hope you do), it is really useful to understand anxiety a bit better and particularly what are the triggers for you - so that if you fall into another anxious patch, you can feel more able to get through it. Useful techniques in the meantime - as others have mentioned - exercise (esp dedicated pre natal classes) and distraction - I would strongly recommend burying yourself in wall to wall DVDs of anything you fancy - and either join library or buy yourself lots of those beach-type books - the ones that you can't stop reading - basically anything to keep your mind busy and stop churning.

Wishing you much future happiness

Sophs I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Really hoping all goes well with your pregnancy and that you have an easy labour. Sending lots of positive wishes your way.

Dreaming I'm a big fan of CBT. I do see a therapist but we're having a maternity break at the moment. I really will look forward to starting therapy again as I too recognise my anxiety as something that is best managed when working in this setting. It's very helpful to discuss fears and tackle them head on. I guess a big part of it is self awareness as Julietee said upthread, and knowing how to cope with it.