Ugh. Facebook.

[ClearlyMoo]

So far we've told friends and family about the little one due in May (20 weeks).

Loads of friends who know are expecting a "big reveal" on Facebook. I've already had to chase down a few wry comments to keep it private from FB.

I'm getting sick of people saying "when are you going to put it on fb?"

I don't know. DH is unbothered and thinks we shouldn't actually put anything.

We got engaged last Christmas and married in May, so I wondered about paralleling announcement now we know things are currently ok (just had scan today).

In the lead up to the 20wk scan I got majorly stressed that we'd written the news in our Christmas cards - what if something was wrong and we'd have to untell the world. Now this is making me hesitant about popping it on fb!

Argh! What to do?!

[Somersetlady]

I obviously think rather than thunk

[DownstairsMixUp]

I don't think I'll be doing a big reveal OP if this one goes to plan (i've had some miscarriages) but if i ever do it will be something short and sweet like, "Pleased to announced we are expecting... (insert date)" no scan photos and won't be till i've had the growth scan either.

[ClearlyMoo]

Thanks for feedback. Yes nice and simple or a bump pic it will be then. Need a decent bump first though!

I forgot to mention I have some fb friends at the other end of the extreme... One friend posed with her and hubby holding BFP at just 8 weeks! I'm 21 weeks and still nervous about the world knowing! Horses for courses!

[4thTimeLuckyWithBoo]

For some people it may not be a big deal anno

[4thTimeLuckyWithBoo]

Sorry, don't know what happened there! Anyway some people may not think its a big deal and some will. When I was pregnant with my first I was clueless and annouced it on facebook after my 12 week scan, wish I didn't as you get so many fake people! Ithen lost my son at 6 months.

I'm now pregnant again, 21 week scan is on Monday and me and my partner have only told parents and siblings. The reason we haven't announced it on Facebook is because we got told I have a higher chanve of losing baby... they were right so just had a cervical stitch replaced and now defiantly not putting it on just incase the stitch doesn't work. Plus i cant cope with all the fake people! I told my Grandma a week ago and forgot to tell her to keep it quite. She posted on facebook 'hope youre looking after yourself and bump' luckily it qas late at night and nobody saw! Well i had this one girl i dont speak to inbox me and say 'congrats on news, we should meet up'... its highly annoying. If you arent comfortable don't tell anyone

[theborrower]

Err, we just did a Facebook update (after 12 week scan) to let people know - we have a lot of family abroad and they liked to keep up to date and see pictures of our 3 year old daughter. We didn't attach the scan pic though - that's for us.

Everyone uses FB in different ways, it was easiest way to let certain people know. We had texted and called some friends and family before though, as we wanted them to hear from us first.

And if something goes wrong, then yes, it will be hideous letting people know but that's the case anyway. A friend recently had to let people know that she had lost her baby late on, she mentioned it on what would have been her due date. People were v supportive.

[SweetPea86]

Have you thought of deactivating your account for a while. I have to say I'm on facebook but I hate it so much lol the only reason I have it on is contact with family who live aboard. I posted my scan picture on fb before and big mouths outed me. Wish I'd keep quite on it now. No ones business but yours

[working9while5]

I wish there wasn't so much judgement.

I did the scan pic on first pregnancy too but never since (on pg 3) because having had kids I am now much more aware of how many women struggle with infertility and pregnancy and baby loss, was clueless before becoming a mother.

If you don't like it don't do it but I despair when I read all
the tutting about tackiness etc as I think majority just do it because they feel it is done thing, haven't though much about it or want to let acquaintances/old friends know they wouldn't feel comfortable telling. I like to see the good news of old university and school friends personally though now I am cautious myself.

[Lairyfights]

Well it depends on you, your profile and what you use Facebook for!

I have friends who have updated their profile pictures with positive pregnancy tests, and post upward of 20 pictures a day of their children (oh, I wish I was joking, there are actually 1,000's of photos of her children on there.) She is a 'friend anyone' sort of Facebook person and it is very, very annoying - but it obviously makes her happy so I just block her posts.

To me, you don't sound like one of these people. You could just wait until your DC is born, post a nice picture about a week later of the three of you at home with a 'we would like to introduce baby ClearlyMoo to the world, born on blah weighing blah'. People do like that sort of thing and will be happy for you. It's simple, a small thing and isn't tacky or annoying (IMO). I was married the other week and was planning on posting no pictures on Facebook, however so many old family friends got in touch asking to see some I ended up caving and posting a small (about 10) photos for people to see. People love weddings and babies, it's all about how to do it.

Of course if you have the type of Facebook profile that is used for keeping in touch with family members around the world and close friends, and all these people are close to you personally but not geographically it would be the perfect place to update bump pictures, information on how you're doing and what's going on. In that case I don't think you'd need anything to wordy or dramatic for close family/friends just a 'ClearlyMoo and DH are excited to tell everyone that they will be having a little ClearlyMoo in May.'

[HumptyDumptyBumpty]

I didn't do a Facebook announcement, but have a very persistent annoying friend who keeps hassling me to put up a bump photo.
I had to say in the end that I was never going to do that.

I think she may have defriended me. She is also partial to phrases such as 'our little man', 'my special little one' etc. Are these two things related?

[CrispyFB]

I said nothing with DC3 until the birth (which annoyed a few people but they were crap friends anyway, having not bothered with me for 9 months in real life!)

With this one, post 20 week scan I just appeared in photos (with a bump) the same amount I usually do, mixed in as always with loads of the other DCs. That way there was no big announcement with six million likes, and anyone who was interested, would notice. I've posted a few bump photos in a similar way since, and each time an extra few new people notice.

I could of course not say anything but I want to have the option to mention pregnancy from time to time. Particularly because I am now needing crutches to get around - I am likely to mention that from time to time as it might be relevant to the post so of course people will ask the reason why I need them!

[NancyinCali]

Similar to working, we did the whole scan photo at 12 weeks thing for DD. Now, pregnant with DC2, I don't want to put anything on for as long as possible. My mum is desperate to put something but I'm only 10 weeks (have had a scan already) and not ready to share beyond immediate family and friends. Since having DD I've also heard so many more stories of people struggling/things going wrong/issues at 20 week scan.

It's completely your choice who you tell and when.

[NancyinCali]

Oh and I'm 5000 miles from most family and friends so I very much used FB the first time around as a way to keep people up to date with what was happening.

[dramajustfollowsme]

Having lost my ds at 23wks, I have not done any sort of reveal of this pregnancy. I'm 14wks.
I'll announce this baby's arrival but trying to keep it off before hand.
I post lots of pics of my dd but this a way that family in far flung places can see her.

[SoWhatDoWeDoNow]

Ignore pressure from anyone to put anything on FB, although it is an easy way to let your wider circle of friends know. But all you need is a simple, low-key status update like the one LittlePea posted above. Don't go in for any kind of big 'gender reveal' pantomime - it's tacky in the extreme.

However, you are 20 weeks PG. How long, exactly, are you planning on keeping this a secret from the wider world?

I can understand the desire for secrecy in the first few most risky weeks, but to be honest if you are trying to wait for it to be 100% 'safe' and risk free before you make a general announcement then you may as well go into hiding for the next 20 weeks and only tell people you were PG once it's born.

[schokolade]

I'm not sure it's really a secrecy thing, SoWhat. I am 36 weeks and haven't posted on Facebook. Not because it's a secret (obviously at this point!) but because big news reveals are not my Facebook style at all.

[ClearlyMoo]

Hi again all. Don't worry SoWhatDoWeDoNow it's definitely not a secret, I've just kept it off facebook! We sent 180+ Christmas cards (we sent to everyone who'd given us wedding/ new home gifts) this year and nearly all of them mentioned it! Everyone I'm vaguely in touch with in Real Life knows. I've just been through my fb friends and is estimate 75 or so don't know (that's about a quarter of my "network") so actually perhaps I needn't worry at all! Perhaps all I'm doing by keeping it off fb is preventing myself from becoming a bore and updating with "argh this heartburn is killing me"/ "does anyone have a Moses basket we ca borrow in May"/ "15 weeks til I finish work" etc.

Perhaps that's better for fb sake!

I'm also preventing people asking "how I'm doing?" A question that shouldn't annoy me but usually does "Healthy & Tired" being my standard response!

In the last week I've hidden two serial offenders from my feed. One lady post 3-5 pics PER DAY of her (very cute) Dd, the other has a child who is a champion at sport (U13 but age 10) and there's 15-20 pics per week that all look the same - him playing sport!

Think pregnancy is making me intolerant!!

[Mabelandrose]

I think generally people on fb don't really care! I remove anyone from my news thread who posts more than a couple of baby related pics/updates per week.

[SweetPea86]

I would be cutious of uploading so many pictures. One, once there uploaded the property of facebook and two, people seeing things in your house.

Call me parinod but over the Christmas week a hand full of fb friends uploads there living rooms loaded with expensive gifts all bragging of course very tacky and open to any one who knows were they live, scary thing is after they upload the bragging photos they then tagged them self in a locations saying at home with the family enjoying Christmas. Click on that and their house and address is ready to see for all. Cringe!!!!!!

[Cariad007]

One of the biggest Facebook users I know has a completely open public profile and is always tagging herself at home - complete with map that gives her full address! She is also one of those people who's always putting up pics of her latest B&O TV or whatever fancy gadget she's got, and also does the whole "we're off to [insert exotic location] for a week!" thing. So yes - home address, photos of your gadgets and advertising when you won't be home - yep, that's going to end well...

[SweetPea86]

Cariad007 oh I don't even no that lady and I just cringe thinking about it.

I remember on the news a while bk that show location location location came under fire because a couple visited a potential house and in the dining room show a expensive painting which soon after that house was burgled with that painting targeted, so I'm very wary what I put online.

I think the new irrating trend to fb is selfies arrrrgh. Sorry totally gone of the mark with the conversation lol

[LittlePeaPod]

Sorry to jump in the slightly off topic posts Op. But, I have to say. I too remove all future posts from people that put lots of pictures of their kids on FB (here is Jonny smiling, here is Jonny in a nappy, here is Jonny looking like a baby, here is Jonny smiling again, here he is staring into space and oh how cute does he look when he stares into space).

I understand people want to share experiences with long distance families but its irritating so my solution is to stop all future posts from them appearing on my feed. That way everyone's happy. I don't get irritated and they can flood the Internet with as many pictures of their kids as they like.

[Cariad007]

I'll probably be putting up a few photos of bub once he's born but one thing I'm determined not to do is endless statuses about his bowel movements or vomiting etc! And I won't be mumjacking either - you know, when you post saying you've had a bad night's sleep and someone always says "oh you don't know tired until you've had a baby" etc. Which is probably true but it isn't particularly nice to be kept up by rats running around in your ceiling either, which happened to me the other night!

[Plateofcrumbs]

Agreed! I am more than happy - delighted even - to see FB photos and read amusing stories about people's babies, but too many and I have to 'mute' them. Which is a shame really as it's not like I don't want to hear about them at all.

To be fair it is not baby specific - incessant posting about hobbies or something would be as bad, but proud mums are by far and away the worst offenders.