Surrogacy

[Givemesomehope]

Hi, after much persuasion from myself, my husband agreed to try surrogacy. We've been together for 14 years and my husband would love to have a child of his own. So, although we long for a child together, he didn't want to build his hopes up only to be disappointed. I had done lots of research into surrogacy and I thought I'd found a lovely woman who was eager to help us. But, to cut a long story short she convinced us she was pregnant, took money from us and when pushed for confirmation of the pregnancy, claimed she'd miscarried. Although she had only been 'pregnant' for a few weeks, our hopes and dreams had been ignited, my husband - although trying to 'play it cool' and not get too excited, too early, had even picked names. Although I was hurt and disappointed, my husband has taken it very badly and is devastated. I feel absolutely dreadful as after many years he had accepted a life without children only to have his hopes raised just to be disappointed again. After a few weeks of seeing how hurt and low he is, I mentioned that we could try again if we found someone else but he's having none of it. Should I just leave it, or give him some time? We are both feeling very low and depressed.

Give him time and go through a proper agency so you don't get screwed over like this again.

When you go through a misscarage it is a horrible time and something you need to deal with together and support each other, although you yourself where not physically pregnant the loss you feel is the same.
I would say look in to misscarage support for now then when you are ready to move on try surrogacy through an official organisation.
It's truly dreadful that you have been treated this way by another person but don't let their horrible personality shape the rest of your life, if you do decide you both want to try again then I wish you the best of luck, just try to stay possitive, and think that in a year or so time you could be holding your baby and starting life as a family. It's a lot to go through but well worth it in the end xxxx

Hi Givemesomehope, Surrogacy is fabulous if you go via agencies and specialist centres. We are expecting twins via surrogacy overseas after doing years of research, emails, phone calls and visits! We would recommend it thoroughly x x

That is so awful like others have said try COTS or Surogacy UK.

You poor things. Wishing you lots of luck.

Hi, thank you for your messages. I looked very closely into Surrogacy SUK and liked their ethos of getting to know someone and forming a friendship. My husband, being a typical man hated the thought of going to socials and of someone 'picking' you, therefore, we decided that the best thing for us would to do a private agreement. After speaking to a few people, I chose the woman concerned after seeing her post on a popular forum. I met her and thought she seemed a really nice person. I thought I'd been really careful but obviously people can be very deceptive. It's been an horrendous time over Christmas and the new year but my husband mentioned yesterday that we might look at trying again. It's just that the whole process takes so long through an agency and because of our ages we would like a baby as soon as possible. Hopefully 2014 will be a better year!

Wishing you all a happy new year. x

I think you need to go the 'safest' route possible - so definitely use the recommended agencies.

The biggest thing you need is trust. As the biological parents you have no real rights until the adoption goes through once the baby is born. The surrogate can change their mind at any stage, even after the birth. With this in mind, I think building a relationship is the best way forward. The reward of your child will be so worth it in the end even if your husband does feel a little uncomfortable with it. I'm sure there are many trustworthy women out there with good recommendations.

Wishing you the best of luck.